Have you ever seen a couple that just didn’t seem to make sense? The man is stunningly attractive and the woman is puffy, overweight and tired-looking. Or vice versa. Maybe you have a friend who calls you every time she is going through a break-up but is nowhere to be found when you need her for moral support. Perhaps you have a sibling who always needs your help but never returns the gesture. These are typical examples of energy-vampire-relationships. And, they are bad for your health.
Energy-vampire-relationships are akin to a parasitic plant, such as mistletoe, overtaking an elm tree. The mistletoe grows into the vascular system of the elm tree, extracting water and nutrients for survival. If the elm tree is healthy, it can withstand this relationship for a while, but eventually will become sick and can even die.
The same is true for you. If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you may be able to withstand the energy drain for a while, but eventually the relationship takes its toll. And, I’m not just talking about feeling a little emotional or drained. There can be serious health consequences when you are in an unbalanced relationship with an energy vampire.
How Energy Vampire Relationships Make You Sick
Aside from the obvious emotional toll being in an energy-vampire-relationship can take on you, there is a whole array of physical ailments that are often just as painful and dangerous as the psychological ones. For example, psychologist Sandra L. Brown, M.A. reports that fully 75 percent of the women who come to her retreats suffer from autoimmune disorders.
In my decades on the front lines of women’s health, I’ve seen people suffering from adrenal fatigue, chronic Lyme disease, irritable bowel syndrome, thyroid disorders, an inability to lose weight, diabetes, breast cancer, autoimmune disorders and so-called mystery illnesses. Most, if not all of the time, these illnesses do not respond well to medical treatments. That’s because the root cause is a relationship with an energy vampire – either at work or at home. Until that is addressed, no medication, diet, or amount of meditation and yoga will help. Why?
There are several ways the stress of being in an energy-vampire-relationship causes your health to deteriorate:
- Causes Inflammation. On a basic level, the stress of trying to “fix” someone and having to deal with constant disappointment, negativity, and deception leads to a cascade of stress hormones in your body. When you are constantly under stress, your adrenals produce cortisol, a stress hormone that, under normal circumstances, suppresses inflammation and gives you the ability to get out of danger. However, when cortisol levels remain high, your body actually produces inflammatory chemicals called cytokines. This causes you to feel symptoms such as headaches, joint pain and swelling, arthritis, fibromyalgia, digestive problems, weight gain, and eventually diabetes and heart disease. Remember chronic cellular inflammation is the root cause of almost all degenerative diseases.
- Wreaks havoc on your immune system. It is well documented that people who are under constant social stress experience dysregulation of their immune systems, leaving them vulnerable to infectious diseases and so-called autoimmune disorders. Now, it’s important to understand that while viruses can cause diseases – for example, the Epstein-Barr virus can cause autoimmune disease – this only happens when your immune system is off balance due to chronic stress and cortisol levels that are too high. Conversely, when your immune system is in balance, your body is able to keep viruses in check.
- Encourages poor dietary choices. When you have a headache, you may pop a couple of Advil. When you are constantly getting headaches due to a vampire draining you, you may not only decide to take medicines to cover up your symptoms, but you may also not feel up to cooking a healthy meal and find it easier to order a pizza. In addition, the excess cortisol you have circulating causes you to crave sweets, so you find yourself reaching for sugar or alcohol. This leads to weight gain and an inability to get a good night’s sleep.
- Leads to brain changes. Brain scans show that people who have lived with cognitive dissonance due to energy-vampire-relationships have brain changes similar to those with PTSD. (Cognitive dissonance is when your beliefs about the world and yourself clash, causing tension.)
- Triggers neuroendocrine hormone cascade. Researchers have found that PTSD and trauma are associated with a higher risk of developing lupus. One study presumes that stress-triggered neuroendocrine hormones lead to immune system dysregulation by altering or amplifying cytokine production resulting in autoimmune disease.
8 Warning Signs of An Unbalanced, Energy Vampire Relationship
Recognizing your vampire is the first step toward letting go of an unbalanced relationship. Here are some of the ways you can tell if you are in a relationship with an energy vampire.
- Shows no interest in the things that interest you. Whether it’s your family, a hobby you enjoy, or a type of food you like to eat, a vampire would rather complain or ignore you when you bring up your interests. Some vampires will even make you feel bad about your interests.
- Stops communicating. After love-bombing you and showering you with attention, energy vampires will often act distant, especially if you disagree or argue with them. They become elusive. They stop calling and texting you. Or, they reply with hurtful remarks. When vampires re-engage, they will often do it just to “win you back,” then withdraw again seeming more interested in watching sports on TV or going out with their friends. A vampire will never admit to their part in an argument. They may have bursts of rage.
- Gives ultimatums. Vampires will try to hold you back because your personal growth makes them feel threatened and insecure. They might create drama whenever you choose to do something that doesn’t include them. Some may forbid you to see a certain friend or participate in a certain activity. Many vampires will give ultimatums, making you choose between them and someone or something else.
- Blames you for their problems. Instead of talking with you about their problems, vampires refuse to take responsibility and will actually blame you for their personal problems.They may also avoid you or act in a disrespectful manner such as staying out all night drinking, not coming home or going off the grid completely.
- Withholds or demands sex. Vampires often use sex as a weapon, commonly demanding sex when their partner isn’t interested, or withholding sex and affection as punishment.
- Keeps Score.Energy vampires keep track of how many good things they have done for you and believe that their “good deeds” are greater than what they are receiving from you. In addition, vampires will keep track of your mistakes and use them against you.
- Threatens to leave you. Vampires threaten to leave when things don’t go their way. They may say things like “I can be with someone who likes my friends,” or “I will just stay with Joe until you admit you’re wrong.”
- Puts you down.Vampires often try to make you feel that you are less than worthy of them. They may call you hurtful names, purposefully miss scheduled events or appointments, or embarrass you in public.
10 Ways To Counteract the Negative Effects of An Energy Vampire Relationship
Dr. Mario Martinez points out that most illnesses involve a learned physiological response to specific stressors. For example, someone with fibromyalgia is unable to sleep soundly. Lack of deep sleep results in widespread cellular inflammation (in part because deep sleep is necessary in order for your body to metabolize stress hormones) creating a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation, pain, and inflammation. Dr. Martinez suggests that learning to be a light sleeper is a highly adaptive strategy when you are living with a threat of some kind – such as sexual or physical abuse. Even when the threat is no longer there, your body’s stress response (and the impact on your psychoneuroimmunological system) remains, setting the stage for illness.
To overcome patterns that set the stage for chronic illness, try these strategies:
- Rid yourself of vampires. Try not to be seduced into taking the latest drug for your condition. Instead, if your gut tells you that your condition was triggered by the stress of being in a relationship with an energy vampire, you need to be rid of that person before you can heal.
- Change your beliefs. In his book, the Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton, Ph.D. points out that only about 10 percent of what happens in your body is related to your genes or your family history, including how your genes get expressed. Your health is primarily determined by your environment, and the most important part of that is your beliefs. If you believe you deserve to be happy and healthy, you are taking the first step toward achieving that.
- Express righteous anger. In his book, The MindBody Code, Dr. Mario Martinez points out that many Tibetan monks have diabetes that can’t be attributed to their diet or lifestyle. He suggests that the monks’ development of diabetes is intimately connected with their belief systems of loving-kindness and forgiveness. Now, the Tibetan culture and its people have suffered a huge amount of damage by the Chinese. The natural response is anger and rage, yet the monks have been taught to send love to their enemies instead. They are literally “sugar-coating” their anger. This initiates the release of endorphins (akin to morphine), which numbs their pain and prevents them from feeling anger. High levels of endorphins over time can adversely affect glucose metabolism.
- Release shame. Many empaths who are in relationships with energy vampires were often shamed during childhood. Shame is toxic and actually produces the inflammatory chemical known as IL-6. Many empaths hold onto shame from childhood. Being highly sensitive it may not even take a major psychological stressor, such as an energy-vampire-relationship, to trigger health issues. Find ways to feel and release shame and other emotions that you have not fully felt and named.
- Put your emotional needs first. As the cliché goes, “the best defense is a good offense.” Putting yourself and your needs first is the equivalent of going on the offensive. Treat yourself with the same care and love that you treat others. You may need to start with baby steps such as deleting someone from your social media. You can also practice saying “no” when someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do. Practice saying, “I simply can’t.” Or, “That is not possible.” Over time, you’ll get good at it and become adept at setting healthy boundaries. Also, you need to pat yourself on the back – regularly! When you are in control of your own life and your relationships, energy vampires and other predators will feel your light and will run the other way!
- Stop giving love to a bottomless pit. Real, healthy love is toxic to energy vampires. There is only so much love a vampire can handle before they become nasty and angry. Knowing this, you can stop giving your love to a bottomless pit. Energy vampires will never be able to reciprocate or even receive your love and affection. Instead, it will only make them more toxic, more aggressive, and more negative.
- Set limits. If you can’t cut a vampire out of your life, learn to set limits. After spending a little time with you (sometimes just 20-30 minutes), an energy vampire will begin to reach their capacity. You’ll know this energy vampire is maxed-out on your positive energy when they start turning negative. They’ll start criticizing you, getting on your case—basically, their inner monster will rear its head. So, you can set limits for the amount of time you spend with energy vampires.
- Don’t compromise. No energy vampire likes boundary setting. Learn to be okay with this. You don’t need them to like that you’re done with the interaction. Learn to say “Okay, I gotta go,” and then leave. Let them throw their fit, if they must, but don’t get involved. Stick to your guns, get moving, and don’t look back.
- Focus on something other than your relationship. If you must spend a little one-on-one time with the energy vampire in your life, choose activities that take the focus off your relationship. Find shared passions and do those together. Perhaps you both love art. So, meet them at an art show where the focus is on the art—not on your relationship. Once the pressure is off, the energy vampire is less likely to focus their negative energy on you, making the experience lighter all around.
- Accept Them. Know who you’re dealing with and give up the dream that they’ll ever be any different. There’s a lot of freedom (and peace) in that kind of acceptance.
What To Do if You Were Gaslit into Taking the COVID Jabs
In all vampire relationships, there is an imbalance of power. Make no mistake that the tactics used by employers, medical professionals, hospitals, nursing homes, public health departments, schools, universities, the mainstream media, and local, state, and federal governments during the past several years were an abuse of power. In fact, they used the classic 8 steps of brainwashing Albert Biderman wrote about in 1957.
Whether you call the tactics brainwashing, persuasion, coercion, force, or gaslighting these are the same tactics often used by energy vampires. As you already know, there are real health consequences for those in a relationship with an energy vampire—and frankly ALL of us have been at risk for the past 3 years.
Of course there are also health risks of the shots, themselves. So what do you do if you were gaslit or coerced into getting one or more of the shots?
Here’s what I want you to do:
- Use the strategies outlined above. In “10 Ways to Counteract the Negative Effects of an Energy Vampire Relationship” you learned the tools you can use to improve your health after an energy vampire relationship. These will also help you when it comes to countering the effects of the jab. You especially need to learn to express righteous anger! This may not be a one-time thing. You may experience levels of anger that you need to release regularly. This can be done while also practicing the other strategies, such as changing your beliefs.
- Start a detox. I have lots of information on my website about detoxes, including detoxing from vaccines and detoxing from the COVID shots. I also created a 4-part video series on detoxing the shots, which you can find on my True North Substack. You don’t have to do everything I recommend in every blog or podcast but start somewhere. And be consistent. For example, if you choose to use heavy metal- and toxin-binding supplements such as fulvic acid or zeolite, then use them regularly—not just once in a while. There are many other supplements that can help with detoxing the shots. Use your intuition to determine what works best for you. And make sure you have enough on hand.
- Consider EDTA Chelation. With all of the heavy metals we are exposed to that are virtually everywhere, this is a good practice even if you didn’t have the shots. If you can’t find a place that does IV chelation, start with EDTA cream. You can do this along with fulvic acid and other supplements. It’s gentle and you can control how much or how little you need.
- Protect yourself from EMFs. Low level electromagnetic frequencies (EMFs) that we are exposed to all day can enhance the negative effects of the shots. These frequencies on their own also increase your risk of health issues such as neurodegenerative disease, cancer, decreased fertility, depression, and more. There are many products on the market that can help reduce your exposure to these frequencies. One easy thing to do is turn off the Wi-Fi at night. You will sleep better and that goes a long way toward protecting your immune system. (5G is shown to awaken latent pathogens!)
- Get grounded. Putting your bare feet on the ground and allowing them to soak up the Earth’s negatively charged electrons is one of the easiest things you can do to improve your health. Negatively charged electrons remove the “gunk” we are exposed to, including heavy metals that are in the shots. These electrons act to balance your personal electrical circuitry. If you can’t get outside in bare feet, there are grounding devices that you can use, even while you sleep.
- Having a spiritual practice that includes prayer is an important aspect of our health. I wrote extensively about this in my book, Making Life Easy. Prayer is effective no matter what your belief system. It’s like Vitamin D for your soul. Asking for guidance makes you feel gratitude and can help you cope with the symptoms you are experiencing and to heal. And you don’t have to “know how” to pray. As long as you are committed to connecting with the Divine, you can make up your own ritual.
- Raise your vibration. True health has a high vibration. If you are feeling anxious, angry, or fearful on a regular basis you are living in a low vibration that does not support health and vitality. There are many ways to raise your vibration. One easy way is to listen to music tuned to a natural frequency of 432 Hz (8 Hz). Or listen to any or all frequencies from the ancient Solfeggio scale, which consists of 6 original healing frequencies tuned to 396 Hz, 417 Hz, 528 Hz, 639 Hz, 741 Hz, and 852 Hz—plus 3 additional frequencies tuned to 174 Hz, 285 Hz, and 963 Hz.
Have you ever suffered from health issues that resolved once you changed your relationships? Please leave me your comments below.
I’m in a relationship where I can see that we both act in vampire-ish ways. We have been together for 40 yrs. To complicate matters we are both Asperger , he is also dyspraxic,epileptic and now has Complex-PTSD. I am also dyslexic. I want to change my behaviour patterns/ choices …where do I start.
Love your insights on vamps. Thank you!
So here’s the trouble with pop-psychology from the non-interpretive disciplines (medicine and psychiatry when it’s practitioners attempt to analyze character). There’s a whole jumble of syndromes here sprinkled throughout the examples and the article ends up doing a better job confirming the projections of the real energy vampires (orally depleted avoidant and masochistic personalities—often presenting with autoimmune disorders) on to their chosen partners (often reactive borderlines and narcissists, though frequently frustrated mature partners, who are rife with energy to feed into the whirlpool of deflation and brokenness) as it does piecing together a coherent construct.
Shut up Thad. Dr. Northrup is not a psychiatrist, she’s an OBGYN, you idiot! Also, I take it you’re the classic narcissist leach who would naturally deny, deflect, shame, and ultimately blame the empath for their own health issue. Lol. Now do us all a favor and go jump off a cliff already! Nobody needs you but you’re like crabs in a bucket, pulling your victim down because you have no light of your own. You also won’t let them go because you secretly enjoy watching them suffer. Misery loves company! By the way, who TF has a name like Thad? You sound disgusting.
I think I married one it’s getting difficult for me. I feel different look tired everyday everyday gained weight. I even found I got thyroid and taking medicine. I started drinking more lately I stopped. Anyone give advice thank you
I do. I was super healthy when I met my husband, now I’ve had chronic Lyme and a plethora of other nonsense. I started to realize that my husband didn’t really listen to me, he would constantly interrupt whether I was talking, singing, even calling my dogs he would start calling them over me. He’s a juicy combination of covert and overt narcissistic behavior. I’ve spent 8 years in a lie filled relationship. I did my research. I think much of it is harsh but in reality if actions are louder well the promises never stop but the behavior never changes either. I never use words like vampire or narcissist. I try to blame my illness for why I need him to not bully with his voice, calm down and not be in my face overbearing waving his arms crazy in front of light and over me. It literally puts me into seizures. It’s a slow process but he is really working for us too. Don’t feel like there’s no hope but most importantly once you understand it and your part in it,GROW. Your partner will either respond to your healthy new behaviors ie meditation for grounding, a therapist if you can afford it, books research and being honest with yourself. If you are working to heal the relationship then leave blame out of it. Use words like “share the mic please with a giggle. It takes the pressure of the accusation so the person can actually possibly receive that their behavior needs some adjustment but that I don’t hate you for it okay. If perfection is a goal they will take much of what you say even in the gentlest most thought out way their glasses aren’t rose they are I would imagine a murky gray green. Everything that says not perfect like feels deep and brutal put down to them so if you really do love them, learn how to adjust expectations, timeline and learn to make and keep exceptional boundaries. Start on your own healing. Why are you drawn to that energy. Mine way easy, I was so painfully shy when I was a child and lacked some basic social skills. I was drawn to the easy conversation, feeling as if someone really saw me and the love bombing. My last serious love was a singer and wanted to be an actress. As I’ve grown and become healed from my extremely narcissistic father with an alcoholism as the cherry on top, I no longer want to be around people who are so needy greedy that they need to be the only voice ever. Now because I’m changing I know there is a good chance he will source his energy elsewhere. If that happens I’m ok with that. The other option is that he will jump on the train and not for just a moment and we will grow to have a lifetime. I’m good with that too. I accept that I cannot change him but if women just keep divorcing him and nobody actually tried to communicate and work on the issues with him, well that’s cruel because he doesn’t stand a chance if he doesn’t have a clue he’s doing anything wrong. Narcissists seem over the top confident but inside they are just insecure to an extreme degree and need constant attention, flattery, feeling superior. It will be a super challenge if you decide to stick it out but aren’t we all broken in some way? I don’t think he’s disposable and more than I think I am. I didn’t sign up to raise a man but he didn’t sign up for someone with chronic illness. When you do your research be careful there is so much resentment and hurt in most of what I have read that it doesn’t give you much hope. You are in your own situation so you will have to figure out whether or not your partner is willing to work to move forward or it’s just not a good place for you.
Wonderful,, thank you for sharing!
I was in a marriage with this type of person. I was also finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and an I identified autoimmune disorder with markers for lupus. That was 14 years ago. He died six years ago, but I have not yet recovered. Do you have any information on how to reverse this illness?
Yes I do. I hope this reaches you. I suggest energy work with a spiritual healer. At your core you are still tied to him, on a soul level. The soul must be released from the negative beliefs and feelings associated with your relationship. Especially the negative beliefs and feelings about yourself you have internalized. This is so important to do now. I am working through this myself now and it’s helped me more than any therapy ever did.
Passive-Aggressive Energy Vampires? Two years ago a couples counselor did me a huge favor (in a one-on-one exit session) when he told me to read about Empaths & Energy Vampires. He recommended Dr. Northrup’s Book and since i was very familiar with her through the amazing Wisdom of Menopause, I immediately read it. Not everything fit, but most of it did. My husband comes across as the nicest guy ever but as his wife, I have experienced him as very stubborn and controlling. Once I read the book I could see what had been happening in our relationship for 25 yrs. I then understood how every aspect of our marriage had been a “negotiation” and when he did not hold up to his end of the bargain, he simply went silent. Withdrawing, stonewalling, and blame shifting are the tools of his trade! I was fortunate enough to have my own counselor guiding me through my own changes and growth- during my menopausal years and she opened my eyes to the dynamic. I had my own issues but once I realized that I needed to set and hold boundaries, I really became aware of the Empath/Vampire dynamic. I am now trying to find my way out of this marriage but it is very hard when you have been in it so long- and especially if they were able to strip you financially, which is what mine did. The passive-aggressive nature is very difficult because our children and even family do not see what goes on… but, fortunate for me, they do see that something goes on. So, if your Energy Vampire does not quite fit the mold, look a little beyond it. Now, I feel the negative energy and notice that every time I try to hold him accountable, or challenge his behavior, it is as if I can feel him sucking the energy out of me. I am slowly, but surely, seeing this pattern, accepting that he will never change, and letting go…but it is such a challenging process for those of us that love with all of our heart and are empaths.
I feel your pain. Out of our 8 years together, the last six have been plagued with chronic Lyme disease and a handful of other debilitating diseases. I have crazy seizures so my employment is pretty much impossible. One minute fine the next on the floor. With no potential income it’s super scary trying to shut down my husbands energy feeding frenzy because of the potential of no income but I researched and found that I would most likely be able to get healthy if I had the energy. Within a short time of dealing with him I end up in bed and my week days are when I am usually healthy and functional. On the weekends I’m just surviving. Stay strong and no that if you feel like you can’t do it now it’s just because someone is sucking you dry but once it’s over and you start your healing good things will start happening. Warning stay out of relationships until you are in a good place or you will head right over to the narcissist lost and found and find yourself with another. The reason we are easy victims is we allow someone else to be so much bigger than life for us and in the beginning we are just drawn there. When your life, needs, goals and desires become your focus, we start feeling empowered hold that feeling and run with it.
I recently discovered I am an empath How do I keep my boyfriend who isn’t feeling well. How do I keep my positive energy protected from him? I feel tired and just drained. I love him but I csnt handle focusing on his health problems 24/7. When I tell him I don’t want to talk anymore, cause I want to ho to bed. He had nerve to call me hysterical. Which I wasn’t I was simply tired and I wanted to go to bed. What are signs of a vampire? My bf is always not feeling well. Could his negative feelings about a family situation that happened in the past be making him sick?
Sadly, my child is an energy vampire and it is so hard because no matter how much love or attention you give, there is always that one last thing that he will want that you cannot give or he will find a reason to be unhappy.
It is not that he is spoiled. We have set boundaries and we are very consistent in his outbringing, however it is like he has that inner instinct to push our buttons and he is never happy. He is the most miserable child I have ever known. Someone always makes him sad, it is always someone else in the school or club that did something to him. We d9nt have a single happy memory with him. No matter how hard we try it ends up with him being unhappy. In fact the only way to prevent him being unhappy is not to give him anything, but that hurts us because we want to be good parents, we want him to be happy. He is diagnosed Aspergers and ADHD as well.
It is very hard, because we don’t get a moment of relief. He doesn’t even let me and my husband talk to each other, he will try to be in the centre of attention and constantly interrupt us. On the top of everything, he is homeschooled due to no school being able to meet his needs. More attention teachers gave him, he was getting more and more disruptive…and aggressive.
He was intentionally annoying other children so much that they had to carry him out of the classroom for his protection.
It is easier to cut ties with an adult energy vampire….what to do when it is your child….? I mean we will try to find him a school but that is when our problems will just begin.
Maybe consider past life therapy? Sometimes residual energy may be consuming and altering this life.
Also, maybe your child has psychic abilities that become overwhelming?
My husband is an energy vampire and his issues started at a very young age. He is capable of being quite phenomenal though many negative habits have taken over and cemented with age. You have an opportunity to make a profound difference right now for your little one.
I have heard of amazing results with kids like this and homeopathy. Seek out a qualified homeopathic and take him. I have seen great results with my own son. I know this post is a year old but hope you and your son are doing well 🙂
I believe my ex-boyfriend is an energy vampire. We also work together, so I see him almost daily. I am not sure if he is trying to stay away from me or trying to see if he can still get to me! (I know it was a mistake dating a co-worker, many people have told me that) There are times when he comes to talk to me a lot, at work, and i feel drained!! Other times he won’t come in to talk to me at all, and I find myself wanting to talk to him! Now, days that I know I won’t see him, for example, weekends or when I take time off from work, I feel fine! Could he be a energy vampire, or am I just attached to him?
I have been married to one for almost 40 years . I can physically feel negative energy. It feels like to much static electricity in my body. My hair stands up like when you rub a balloon on it. My feet a d hands will cramp, then I feel my skin burn. I feel like something is in me feeding, then it goes into my stomach a d I bloat. The smell of the gas is like guts. Taking long showers seem to tone it down. I also walk outside barefoot. I have never been able to go barefoot… is there any other way to discharge the negative energy?
Omg. I experience the EXACT things as you mentioned. Showers and walking bare foot outside help me too!! The only other thing I’ve found to help so far is having black tourmaline and clear quarts crystal around. It seems to ease some of the negative effects.
if you are in sexual relationship, vamps are able to make energetic cords that are difficult to see with the naked eye and that is how they drain you.
I have been dealing with an energy vampire for 5 years now. Through so many rough arguments, and me trying to defend myself, trying to get some kind of “acknowledgment”, ive come to realize what i am facing. After doing investigation, putting together puzzle pieces. Feeling like my feeling didn’t count it is only about him. I realized i am dealing with a narcissist energy vampire. Its like it sooths him to see me suffer and wonder what it is that i did wrong. How i “caused the problem”. What is said wrong, what i did or didn’t do wrong. My whole life depended on how i did things his way because he is ALWAYS right. Yes these words come out of his mouth. After reading articles i am stunned and i hope that one day be able to better myself and help myself out and our two children. Also, recently diagnosed with thyroid disease!! Taking medication can be a challenge when still fighting this fight!
I say run don’t walk away -run! I ended up in pain a very ill and trapped in a viscous cycle because of getting physically sick and unable to work. I was vibrant, happy, healthy working full time plus, and had a paid off house before I married him. I never heard of a narcissist before, I didn’t even know that they existed. They will con, steal and take everything from you, even your health and life. I am determined to start a business from home and save to leave him. NOTHING or NO ONE is worth loosing your health! If you have kids, you can’t even take care of yourself more less them if you end up with debilitating illness.
Diana, you are not alone! I have been with my dh for 27 yrs and he has taken everything but my life… He is a passive-aggressive so that is hard to pick up on. I have been trying to get out/ get away but get pulled back in. My three kids see it and are getting angry with me. Heck, I am angry with myself but he convinced me to move 2000 miles away from family and friends 20 yrs ago. Don’t give up! Maybe you are on your feet and out. For you, I hope so. Stand strong and again, know you are not alone. I have been trying to break free for 3 yrs. It is harder than it seems because each time they tell you it will be different, you believe them.
“Energy vampires” another way to recognize them: “they are not happy when you are happy” I have this friend that whenever he sees me: giggling, acting silly, being myself, being happy, he brings the attention back to himself by bringing up something unpleasant, pointing something out of the blue, saying something distracting. I can feel his energy: pulling, dragging, trying to bring me down to his level- his “depleted” energy level which feels like an energy vacuum sucking up the light out of me.
This is precisely how they work. Great observation. Thank you for posting this. It will help others!
Dr. Northrup, you have been my inspirational teacher over the years, and your book on energy vampires turned my world upside down. Being an empath and a codependent, and realizing it at a mid-life stage has challenges my view of things and people around me. What are your thoughts of the work of Ross Rosenberg on Self Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD) 10-step program he has developed?
Brilliant! This article was very helpful. . You are a blessing!
I am so glad it resonated. This information took me decades to figure out!! Thank you!
I was constantly constipated as a child to the point when, at age 13, I had hemorrhoids. It was a major issue to cope with all through high school. At age 18, I had a hemorrhoidectomy. All terribly embarrassing for me. I left home to go to university at 19. I have never had an issue with constipation since, except when I visited my mother-even for 2 days. She was likely a narcissist, as I am now realizing.
What an amazing story– it shows up very powerful the mind/body connection is. Many people can relate to walking in the door of their home after being on a trip , and then, feeling so safe and “at home”, they move their bowels. Sounds like your childhood home never felt safe enough to carry out a normal function. I am so sorry this happened to you. But so GLAD you now can make the connection!!
Hey, cool, a member of the Harwood clan. 🙂 Seems energy vampirism runs in our family. I figured as much. It’s too bad there aren’t more resources available to treat it. I had to learn the hard way.
Christiane, what do you think about two energy vamps being together? They can just feed off each other. Totally consensual. I mean, they’d have to both be aware of what they have and willing to work on it, but it seems like the best of all worlds, seeing as the damage is pretty much already done.
Very often energy vampires will get together. I’ve heard this called “romance addiction”. A couple who are so concerned about how they look to others that they will use their self centered focus to “look good” at all costs. Not much real love or intimacy here– BUT– it certainly keeps them in their own little world. Good observation!!
I was married to an energy vampire for nearly 28 years without ever hearing that term. I was wooed with all the attention and passion that a woman could ever want and believed it was genuine. Over the first 5 years this waned dramatically until it fell off altogether. I gained weight slowly that I couldn’t lose, no matter how much exerise I did or how little food I ate. At the 20 year mark, I developed diabetes and asthma and began thinking about divorce. It took me 7 more years before I finally made the decision and filed. One year after the divorce, I had lost most of the weight I had gained and even HIS parents commented that I looked 20 years younger! I am so much healthier now than I was then and I am enjoying my life!
Keep spreading your message!
Thank you so much for this comment. It certainly illustrates the pattern. And BRAVO for getting OUT!!
The energy vampire is my oldest son. I am thankful that he lives on the west coast and me on the east coast. It breaks my heart to know that he is like this. I have blamed myself for him being this way. But after reading Dr. Northrup’s book, I stopped blaming myself and took proactive steps. It is hard because it is my son. I put up boundaries including financial and emotional. And I have learned not to give into his tirades especially when he starts to blame my husband and myself for all of his life’s problems. We know that we were and are good parents and don’t deserve this treatment. But now we understand better our son’s mental state.
Dear Cheryl, Your situation is not unusual. The good news is that you and your husband are both on the same page and are doing the very thing that will help you and him the most: healthy, consistent boundaries and no guilt! Congratulations!! Many many parents never get to this point.
I have been suffering by two vampires (a narzisst and a borderliner) at work for more than 18 years. At the end of 2018 it was enough for me. I had all illnesses you can imagine. I was at my personal end! So I decided to leave this company. That was the best decsion I have ever made. After 7 months now I feel better every day. But it was and it still is a hard way back to joy and happiness. But my family and the book of dr. Northrup helped me so much. Thanks a lot for that!!!
Dear Sabine, I am so very glad you found the courage to leave. This is never easy. But you did it. Bravo!!
It wasn’t until I was recovering from an attack of diverticulitis that ruptured my colon and almost killed me that I realized something needed to change. I had to pull a teenager out of school to take me to the hospital and find my own way home. 4 months later I had a final surgery and was better but the treatment I got while trying to survive infections and dehydration only highlighted the rest of my life.
I have come a long way in the healing process and gotten divorced but the PTSD and panic attacks that flare up every time someone says his name or I have to talk to him keeps me from being whole.
I am working on writing a book about my story. I will need help with the medical and scientific part (hint, hint).
It’s very difficult to adequately describe a vampiric relationship, especially when the vampire is an expert at hiding malevolence and intent. Cognitive dissonance is extremely painful, when your soul knows the truth but your mind and heart refuse to see. Clinging to false hope while circling the drain. Yes, I have experienced the “creepy crawlies,” and that is exactly how I described them. Fortunately I escaped. Nearly had a heart attack a week after escaping. Now I’m almost 2 years free and in recovery. What I’ve come to understand about adrenal fatigue is it is not so much that your adrenals are fatigued, as it is that your entire body is fatigued by the constant muscle tension and heightened fear state which must be kept hidden from the vampire for survival’s sake.
Dear Sabine, I am so very glad you found the courage to leave. This is never easy. But you did it. Bravo!! Christiane
I would love to discuss this with you! I experience and believe the same thing as you do.
Really nice and informative post on a very important topic for self awareness and self safety with medical proofs.
Energy Vampire – the gift that keeps on giving!
I grew up with a narcissistic personality in my family, my brother – who was quite physically and verbally abusive towards me, even with our parents around to discipline him. He was that way with everyone, extremely funny, charismatic and could sell ice to Antarctic explorers. I cut him out of my life when I was 30 – 11 years ago. Unfortunately, I married someone very similar in personality to my brother, he was a knight in shining armour – or so I thought. We divorced 3 years ago, we have 3 boys together. We all suffer from ptsd, anxiety, depression and one of my boys has anger issues. We receive no financial support from my ex and to top it off I have adrenal fatigue and am undergoing radiation therapy for a lump that was removed from my breast (thankfully it was found early). I am trying to live a minimally stress free life, but being a single mum and all the ramifications that we are still dealing with is difficult. Unfortunately, he was in another relationship within weeks of us separating and now has a 1 year old baby girl with his partner – it’s extremely disheartening and sad to see the cycle repeating. Thank you for imparting your wisdom Dr Northrup. Onward xo
Dear Amanda, I am so very sorry this has happened to you. The good news is that there is a lot of life ahead for you. And your body is self-renewing. And there are more resources to help this situation than ever before on the planet– which– in my view– has been pretty much RUN by energy vampires.
I would like others to know that it is possible for an EV to realize what they have caused, come to terms with it, and then move forward to making positive changes in their lives knowing that it will be helping the person they had brought harm to. This is the story of my marriage of 37 years to a man that had been emotionally abusive and refused to take care of himself physically, both of which caused extreme stress at times. I will say up front I have learned a great deal about myself and understand that my personality type of INFJ can be known to be co-dependent and our bodies to manifest physical symptoms(Fibromyalgia in my case), from stress and/or emotional abuse. My journey to begin healing started five years ago when I simply told him I had had enough. Although over the years I had many discussions with him regarding the emotional abuse, I realized all the previous conversations had been one sided. Once I put it in very stark terms of leaving, he actually started listening and then began on his own journey of doing something I don’t think he had ever done before, and that was to be honest at looking at his past behavior and seeing the pain, both physically and mentally, that he had been creating all these years. This was the same for his lack of physical care that just this year had eventually manifested itself into a triple bypass. I believe because he had already been on his own journey of self realization, that when this happened he was more open to changes that he might not have otherwise been. He exercises regularly now, his eating habits have changed dramatically, and the positive emotional support and love that he had already been giving to me over the past few years has deepened into a new relationship that is one of positive energy that we give to each other openly and regularly. One may say why had I stayed for so long, to this I can only say at this point in our lives it is more important to look forward, to look to our future and to keep growing individually and together, and be grateful for and cherish the time we both do still have together. We all have to do what is best for ourselves, but I just wanted to share a positive outcome, albeit many years in the making, but at least one in the plus coloum.
Wow! If I hadn’t taken the time to read Dr. Northrup’s article today and scroll down to your particular entry, I would have missed this ray of hope from you. I have been in a 7 year marriage that has been a roller coaster of sorts, up and good one moment, down and upsetting the next. I, too, had had it two weeks ago and found a beautiful place to rent a room. I wanted to teach him a lesson. Long story short, I said, do this online anger management course or I’m done. The story isn’t over because we both are taking it and I will need to see (and discuss) if he is really taking in the excellent information in the course, But, he didn’t think I would ever leave and I know that that has shocked him out of his denial and my prayer is this is the time in his life that he will change to be a better person. This was my last ditch effort and if things DON’T change, I will leave permanently. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
You must proceed as though the EV will NEVER change. And do NOT let them manipulate you into thinking that their changes are permanent. Remember that energy vampires cover a spectrum. Those who just have narcissist tendencies may change if you truly set healthy limits and they KNOW you mean it. But remember it is THEIR job to change– NOT your job to check on them, manage them, cajole them, or encourage them. It HAS to be ON THEM. Period. The problem with women who have super traits of dependability and loyalty is that we will hang on for years after seeing one tiny ray of light. So– just make sure you are taking care of yourselves first. And read Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra Brown just to learn more about your OWN tendencies.
Same here thank you so very much.
Thank you so much for your post.
My go to song at the moment is Randy Crawford – One day I’ll fly away and I sing it in my head as a coping mechanism. My EV’s are my mother who lives with me at 86 and husband of 40 years. I know I won’t heal until I leave but have to care for my mother. Thanks for the info and your book will arrive today. I will also send my daughter a copy!
Linda –
I was in a very similar situation, my mother made her transition at 73, but I am still with my husband of 40 years. However, please know that you can heal whether your still with them or not! After seeking counseling which did not help, I found Al-Anon (both were/are active drinkers) and I’ve been attending 12 step meetings for 4 years now. I have made remarkable progress and feel I am finally recovering. I also have Dodging Energy Vampires audio book as well as a number of other Hay House self help books. Heal thyself and take care of your needs first. Peace and love to you.
Dr Christiane, I have just read your articles on Energy Vampires and I am horrified by the idea that I may actually be the EV in my own relationship with the most wonderful of men. I thought I behaved the way I behave because I have the limiting story “I am not wanted” , which I am working on resolving – but now the question arises – first of all, how does one become the vampire and secondly, how does one cure oneself of being the vampire – when they really do not want to fall into the trap of those behaviours and they desire nothing more than to have a wonderfully , deep, intimate harmonious relationship?
Only empaths wonder if they are energy vampires. It’s almost diagnostic. You may well have childhood wounds and needs that have to be acknowledged and resolved. This doesn’t make you an energy vampire. Those individuals NEVER acknowledge their behavior– though many of them are now claiming to be empaths because it’s trendy. So– no worries. Just take care of the wounded little child inside of you as a top priority. Ask her what she needs. And then take steps to meet those needs.
Thank you
I was literally reading all of these comments and I was getting stressed out because I realized it might be ME who is the energy vampire, but seeing this comment really put my mind at ease. I believe my EV tendencies are more of a mirroring of his energy..
Thank you soooooo Much for this!
I try to find your e-learning program about this but cant find it?
Can you link it here or e-mail?
Thanks
Birgitte ☀️
You can purchase the Dodging Energy Vampire course here: https://www.hayhouseu.com/dodging-energy-vampires-online-course-hhu
Dr. Northrup,
I’m ending a relationship with an EV. I’m leaving the relationship with very little monetarily, physically, and emotionally; however, your article, which I happened to stumble upon, came at an opportune moment – giving me the strength needed to actually walk out the door. You also give me hope that by leaving I’ll regain my health, which in turn will allow me to regain everything I’ve lost. Thank you for providing the lifeline I need to take care of myself.
Hi Sarah, I’m so glad that this helped you. There is a Biblical phrase ” I will restore to you the years that the locust have eaten.” Life can turn on a dime. You have taken the first step toward your own thriving. congratulations.
Don’t know you Sarah, but congratulations. I am 3 years out and it was the best thing I ever did for my health. I hope your year has brought you peace, rest and healing. Go sis Go!!
My elderly mother has been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for many years. It is with a childhood friend she reconnected with many years after my father died. He has gas lighted her and sucked so much of her light out of her she is a shell of her former self. He convinced her to sell her home and nearly all of her possessions to move into a retirement community with him. They share an apartment. Mom just turned 80. Her mother is still living – she’s 98. Grandma is AMAZING and is the smartest person in our family. Mom is being treated for normal pressure hydrocephalus so she is foggy and shows signs of dementia and unsteady on her feet. She is constantly interrupted and demeaned by this man and has been forced to live her life so much differently than she ever did. She used to teach water aerobics. Now she doesn’t exercise at all. She used to eat SO healthy — giant salads and delicious fruits and vegetables and amazing meals she’d create for him only to be dismissed with, “What’s THAT? I don’t eat ANYthing GREEN!” She used to LIVE in the kitchen and read cookbooks like novels. She ADORED cooking. She has been forced to give that up entirely. She used to be orderly and organized. Now he goes through her things if he can’t find where he put his own stuff. She can’t take a shower by herself because he walks in and joins her so she can wash his feet (presumably because he can’t bend down, but somehow he can tee up a golf ball). He wakes her in the middle of the night so she can rub his legs because he has painful neuropathy due to diabetes from his terrible diet. The list goes on, if you can even believe it. It’s positively sickening to watch and heartbreaking to think my mother who was once a healthy ray of sunshine is probably going to die an early death because of this EV. How is it possible to convince my mom HE is the one who is responsible for her physical ailments when he can so easily suck her into the false sense of security that he makes her think HE is the one taking care of HER? She’s got a servant’s heart, which is a dear characteristic, but she’s even given that to him now and it’s never, ever enough. Please help give me words to talk to my mom because I could not bear living with myself if I buried her without trying to save her.
Well there is the thing… When someone is under the influence of an energy vampire, they are in a kind of trance. There are two ways to help her. 1). Have a meeting with her and tell her the truth of what you see. ONE TIME ONLY. Otherwise, YOUR energy gets drained. 2) Visualize your mother as healthy and whole and happy– like her ESSENTIAL TRUE SELF. Spend about 2 minutes a day doing this. And then ( and this is the HARD part), you just turn it over to her Higher Self. And your own. Everyone one of us has lessons we have to learn. And we can’t save anyone from themselves. I am so sorry about this. What a story. ( and it is far more common than most people realize)
Dear Donna, Your story broke my heart in many pieces. I’m sending you and your mom love and light, and praying for her to have clarity of the situation that she’s in.
Much love, Maria
thank you this article is right on the money. Question: how can a person be helped if she is in denial of being in such a relationship and cut relationship with people who are trying to bring this to her attention. Me and my sister really afraid that we will lose her sooner than normal if she is not willing to wake up. Would appreciate your advice.
There is nothing you can do except live your own life. The truth shall set you free. Indeed, you are very apt to lose her sooner than normal if you try to convince her about the truth of her relationship. We all wake up when its time– and when our soul’s have asked for this information. Just send Divine Love and turn the whole situation over to her Higher Power.
Hello Dr Northrup. I just watched your interview with Michael Sandler on Inspire Nation and wanted to send you a hug and many thanks for getting this information out! I have an EV parent and you gave me so much insight into my parent, myself and our relationship. You gave words to feelings and thoughts I’ve had myself, which was so comforting. I know I’m going to love this book! Thank you again <3
I am so glad that you listened to that interview. Michael was so understanding about all of it. I’m glad to know we helped you.!
wow just listened to Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Freedom on the HAY HOUSE WORLD SUMMIT 2018. WOW i am an EMPATH and my ex was an vampire, and all of it rings so true.. it took me over two years to get him out of my life and he took the ten years of my BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE> thank you for sharing. I am still recovering but all is going to be ok and glad to know why i stayed for ten years and what i am and what he is
Thank you Dr Northrup.
The belief that everyone in their heart of hearts is a good person resonates deeply within me and many of my friends. I’m guessing that our catholic (or whatever religious) upbringing with ‘god is within our hearts’ has a lot do do with this.
My baby steps are having an impact on my EV’s behaviour. They seem to be bringing him into the light. and he’s not liking it one bit.
Love is venom to a toxic person. You are right on track. Bless you.
Thank you very much for the insights…. I wonder what to do and how to lovingly react as a mother if the EV is one of my twin sons… He is nearly 15 and he rules the family. I feel shame, because we put him to boarding school last year. Now I want him to return, because I am more exhausted then before. And I don’t think it is right just to put him away. Perhaps you have some insights that can help me out here.
Please Don’t feel bad about sending him to boarding school!! I have twins, also, and I made the decision to bring my 15 yr old back home. He, literally, turned on me not 2 weeks after coming home and strangled me and Beat his brother up for trying to protect me. The whole time he was strangling me, he was growling in my ear that he Wished I would Die!!
So nice to bring you to mind, Chris. Recalling just now how you introduced me to Carolyn. Heartiest congrats on the immensely successful life you’ve led.
Hi Ken– how lovely to see you here!! Thank you.
Reading this blog, I’ve realized EVs can also be found in the workplace. It may be the job itself as well as the people around you.
I completely agree with this. Have worked with far too many.
Thank you so much, it really makes sense coffeenglam.com
Second marriage. Honeymoon gone terribly awry. Came home and suffered all sorts of physical pain. I am very healthy and never had an issue. Wound up with low boood sugars, gastric issues including severe heart burn. Put on anti depressants and nothing helped. Funny-I’m divorces dor over a year now and healthy as a horse.
It’s real
Stress and not listening to your inner voice will cause your body to step forward and force you to take care of you.
Thanks for this testimonial. May it help many others. TRUTH!!
I’m dealing with insomnia, exhaustion, arthritis pain has increased, jumpiness since being discarded by narcissistic boyfriend of 5 years. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I feel traumatized, working hard to understand what happened. Thank you for your Energy Vampire course and this article. I’m learning I’m an empath and I tried everything to fix the unfixable. I see now he was feeding on it. With your help and Melanie Tonia Evans NARP, I believe I can heal. After being in a 30 year marriage that was mostly laid back, little arguing, meeting a Narc after separating knocked me out. Like you say, they can charm the bark off a tree. He did, then kept me off balance with his covert narc ways.
I am SO SORRY– but please know that all your best years are AHEAD of you!!
Thank you for your posts and videos, it was like a big lightbulb going off. I recently got out of a relationship with an EV. When I watched your 4part video, I realized I was in a relationship with an EV. As I’m trying to cut ties she is still trying to manipulate and lie about issues at hand. I don’t respond to her insults or manipulation. I feel better everyday I’m away from her. I have my energy back and body feeling way better. Will be ordering your book!
Oh I am so glad you are getting the message to put yourself and your own life FIRST!! It is the ONLY way.
Years ago I was married to an alcoholic. I was very co-dependent & an empath. I stayed because I loved him, totally abandoning myself & my own needs. After 11 years of this I could start to feel my health go down & became depressed. I worried about him constantly, he sure never worried about me! I could see him getting worse & worse. After a year of counseling I told him he had to leave, that he was dying in our home & I was not going to do the funeral. I told him his mother could do the funeral seeing how she has enabled all of her sons to stay sick and addicted. That was 24 years ago. After he left I continued to get help. His mother did do his funeral 3 years ago. I have been married to the greatest guy ever for the past 16 years where we totally support each other on all levels. Our home is filled with love, friendship, peace and joy. Had I not wised up I would be in real bad shape in every way possible. I thank God for everything He placed in my path when I asked for His help! Thank you Dr. Northrup! You are the greatest!!!
Good work!!! Your post will help so many others know that there’s a light at the end of the EV tunnel
Fascinating information about what extreme stress does to our health, how to recognize an energy vampire and how to heal. I experienced it firsthand and am so grateful to people like you who are shedding the light on this to let all the empaths know that this is real. I took your Dodging Energy Vampire course and found it so helpful, I know now that it was divine guidance that led me to be trained in EFT/Tapping, Hay House and your work. I used tapping all the time when I was going through a very traumatic time in my life in the recent past and it has helped immensely. If you ever hold a retreat on the subject of energy vampires and how you can heal from the abuse I would be honored to share my story. Thank you for sharing your stories, experience and enlightenment.
Hello Christine, you are a true blessing. Timing is everything. I work with an Energy Vampire and fully understanding the behaviour. It puts everything into perspective. I’m glad I came across your series and blog here.
An excellent article. Thank you!
Dr Northrup, if anybody gives you a rash about how this stuff is not true,
I have a story to validate that it is true.
I will be willing to share my experience.
I am the one empath who whose wings were injured since birth
And ironically
15 vampires
15 medical disorders later
I am on the road to recovery
And would like my tribe to help me advocate
This sickness the world has with its soul.
Thank you for the support. And yes– there are those who deny this– they are the ones who continue ot enable the behavior– but the truth sets us all free– eventually.
Dr Northrup. Thankyou! It all makes sense thanks to your book. I have been in an eight year relationship triggering old childhood wounds. I AM 98% EMPATH. (My partner Apath and polar, with malignant narcissist daughter. I love him so however, a work in progress I hope.)
However, I was raised by a PSYCHOPATHIC mother and CRIMINALLY ABUSED 24/7 from age 4 until I got out of the house, along with this torture there were Four brother and sisters with the dirty triad of malignant traits hashing out there torture onto me, And then to go to school to be dodging 6 school room boy bully’s who were cruel, only to come back home again to continue with all that was going on there in it’s sickly abuse. I attracted more malignant narcissistic traits into my life and the story goes on. But not any more thanks to you and Chiron. I am writing my experiences to share with the world.
I REPRESSED this experience in my body.
Lol, the irony of been abused by 15 energy vampires (TOXIC MALIGNANT PERSONALITY TRAITS,)
15 medical diagnosis’s, (a medical file as tall as I am, with medical terms such as PSYCHOSOMATIC AND NEUROPLASTICITY, theres this irony that my empath powers attracted all this into my life. The laws of the universe has been on my side owning my power this last few years and educating myself and others on the dirty triad of energy vampires is on my front line to help the planet heal. Your book IS a godsend. I feel the Me too movement needs to add another chapter to this movement and I, like you, and victims of this sick energy need to advocate
And help heal this element on our planet. This population is going to hear us empaths roar,
As Katy Perry would say.
Anyway, I am putting my experience to work for me…..I want to be on the front line advocating love in this much needed element that plagues people souls.
Sign me up should you need any help. Like you really need it. Good going Dr Northrup. I love your shadow work. Thankyou.
Life coach empath who has suffered dearly, and well on my way with my wings. I want to write a book and I am looking forward to getting my craft together so Hay house publishing can enter me in a contest so I can publish my experience and I can have my say so about an empath recovering from the woes of a sick soul. My final message to these people,
Look at me now!
Thank you for the support. And yes– there are those who deny this– they are the ones who continue ot enable the behavior– but the truth sets us all free– eventually.
Thank you so much Dr. Christiane Northrup great impact on transforming relationships.
I like the idea of helping people exit from these patterns instead of trying to fix things for decades– only to get sick in the process.
Thank you, Dr. Northrup,
It is helpful to look for those signs of the energy vampires and sadly, some of those very people are family members and tough to disassociate from them completely. I am reading your book now and learning new skills to deal with them which will be helpful to empower me once again. Energy Vampires can be masters of manipulation and they know just what buttons to push to get their “narcissistic supply” as you say. But I am hopeful that being armed with this tools to deal with the EV people, I can move forward and have my “shields” up when necessary for those folks!
Thanks again!
Diana
Christians. I Absoloutly love your work ThAnkyou this is just what I need to read at 61 still in recovery from a lifetime of toxic relationships and Sick with severe fibromyalgia . Info relate to your 8 year detox from your last connection and can’t wait to read your book!
Grateful thanks
Lorraine
My health issues all hit me once I had removed myself from EV, gave myself the right to recognize these people as they truly are and express my anger for the first time. I finally found peace, then wham! Down I went!
What if I recognize myself, and I’m the energy vampire? How do I accept my loved one as they are and stop trying to change them by using these vampire techniques?
Hi Christiane Yes I was involved in a 15 year relationship with a man that i ended up with my neck muscles so stiff and tense that my neck was very painful and i couldn’t straighten it,, I had migraine headaches and could not sleep,, I noticed that after an argument I had no energy and i told my sister he seemed like he was full on energy reminding me of a ballerina in a tutu dancing around during pirouettes why i was on my knees exhausted, I wonder would you describe some one with Asperger as an energy vampire because I think that is what he has,, They seem to just suck all the life out of you and have zero empathy doing it,, I would consider myself a sensitive person maybe a rescuer but I dont think i am an empath though i do have empathy for people, I eventually left him,, and took a few years to recover but unfortunately i seem to be in a relationship with another emotionally devoid individual,, again Aspergers comes to mind,,, I seem to have a pattern for that,,, Regards Anne
I can’t describe the body blow of “AH-HAH’s” that hit me after reading your blog! I have lived with an EV for almost 35 years, always believing those childhood belief systems of ‘You’re not good enough to matter or be listened to’, ‘You’re not strong enough to stand up to him or speak your truth’, and ‘It’s your fault he’s like that’. I AM DONE. I now recognize the physiological symptoms of living drained of energy because of this.Thank you, Christine! I’m now on a mission to find and nurture my authentic beautiful empathic self.
Question: How difficult is this when you are married to the EV??? I’m willing to find out by the way, because I am SO worth it. Thank you Thank you….
Thank you Dr. Northrup, for Dodging Energy Vampires! I just finished it and especially loved the section on healing, including the affirmations and Divine Love meditation. There are tools I can really put to work in my passion profession, Reiki.
Many blessings to you.
I cried reading this. I now have an even clearer picture of what I can do to help myself out of this predicament I’m in and get back to being me – the me that isn’t always drained.
After reading this blog I got this HUGE release of emotion. Not sure why it made me cry other than at last someone gets me and I see hope that someone can help me. For me this journey has been painful since I only learned about being an empath because I have been dealing with a vampire I called an evil person before. I can’t escape her without giving up my terminal father so I’m also dealing with anger, feeling trapped because I love my dad. I am still studying everything you write or say during my stress encounters but your advice is helping me! I cannot thank you enough for your knowledge, compassion and knowing wisdom that helps to heal those of us willing to listen.
I was in a marriage with an energy vampire. I took it for years… and then my digestion gave out. I couldn’t keep any food in me. I lost a lot of weight and people asked if I was sick. I realized I was slowly disappearing and the pieces of me that I gave away had become physical. The experience was exactly what I needed to remove myself from that relationship. It had to be a BIG physical sickness since I wasn’t listening to the rest of the little signs. Thank you for this work. It’s refreshing for me as I say ‘Oh yes’ that happened to many of your Warning Signs. What’s hard is that most of the time, no one else sees it. YOU have to see it on your own and have the courage to act. Blessings to all who are expelling the energy vampires from their lives….
Thanks for sharing this information. something that I can definitely relate to.
This article is my ah ha moment. My vampire is a sibling. I say i realize the behavior wont change, yet I always had a little hope until today. Dr. Christiane, you are a friend in my head. I read your books and reference them often. I treasure the wisdom you share. You confirm my beliefs in how to live a life of love and. kindness. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I promise to me that this EV has no power over me. I hope to meet you someday, this is on my vision board. Thank you. Love, Deb
Not only I had issues, but my daughter also developed an autoimmune disorder. After the divorce, we both returned to health and she’s been in remission for 2 years now! I keep watching for vampires and getting rid of them! Some are really sneaky…
Wow! I never new about this research concerning Tibetan Monks! What an eye-opener! Thank you.
Many monks including Indian swamis (yogic monks) got diabetes they think it’s due to eating once or twice only but I guess synergy of different things could be the reason.
Thank you for your ongoing support with blogs and emails!!! I am reading your book for a second
time. I have underlined and made notes. Your work is a great support and it feels really good to
pass it on to friends and clients!!!
I pre-ordered your book and began reading Energy Vampires last week. I work 40+ hours, and Full time grad school so I don’t have the time that I’d like to dive in and read it in one sitting! This article (and your book) speaks to me. I’ve been married to an Energy Vampire for 27 years. I have tried to leave twice at 17 yrs and 24 yrs, yet he always declares he will change. I had breast cancer in 2013 as well as several autoimmune issues. In 2015 my naturapath did numerous tests and my Cortisol was thru the roof-one of the highest he had seen, and Thyroid function is chaotic. This post includes lot of complaining but my point is you and your work speak to me…I believe I won’t heal physically until I leave my husband, but it’s a hard decision (we have 6 children, 3 in H.S.) I eat clean (paleo/keto/AIP), do yoga, meditate, run marathons and should be in excellent health, yet I cannot seem to arrive there.
What if the energy vampire is a minor? I am raising a 13-year old granddaughter who is a challenge to everyone that comes in contact with her.
Thanks so much!
This was kind of tough to read especially when the EV is in your own family!
I also can relate to the monks. I’ve really got to watch that in myself.
I have one in my family also, and a lot of guilt over not wanting contact. I get cold sweats whenever they contact me. Panic sets in.Heart palpitations.
I am so so sorry about this. It is so true. MANY people are adversely affected by this.