Health Risks of Energy Vampire Relationships

8 Warning Signs of an Unbalanced, Energy Vampire Relationship

by Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Dodging Energy Vampires Emotional Well-being Featured Blog Relationships Self-love

Have you ever seen a couple that just didn’t seem to make sense?  The man is stunningly attractive and the woman is puffy, overweight and tired-looking. Or vice versa. Maybe you have a friend who calls you every time she is going through a break-up but is nowhere to be found when you need her for moral support. Perhaps you have a sibling who always needs your help but never returns the gesture. These are typical examples of energy-vampire-relationships. And, they are bad for your health.

Energy-vampire-relationships are akin to a parasitic plant, such as mistletoe, overtaking an elm tree. The mistletoe grows into the vascular system of the elm tree, extracting water and nutrients for survival.  If the elm tree is healthy, it can withstand this relationship for a while, but eventually will become sick and can even die.  

The same is true for you. If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you may be able to withstand the energy drain for a while, but eventually, the relationship takes its toll. And, I’m not just talking about feeling a little emotional or drained. There can be serious health consequences when you are in an unbalanced relationship with an energy vampire.

H0w Energy Vampire Relationships Make You Sick

Aside from the obvious emotional toll being in an energy-vampire-relationship can take on you, there is a whole array of physical ailments that are often just as painful and dangerous as the psychological ones.  For example, psychologist Sandra L. Brown, M.A. reports that fully 75 percent of the women who come to her retreats suffer from autoimmune disorders. 

In my decades on the front lines of women’s health, I’ve seen people suffering from adrenal fatigue, chronic Lyme disease, irritable bowel syndrome, thyroid disorders, an inability to lose weight, diabetes, breast cancer, autoimmune disorders and so-called mystery illnesses. Most, if not all of the time, these illnesses do not respond well to medical treatments.  That’s because, the root cause is a relationship with an energy vampire – either at work or at home.  Until that is addressed, no medication, diet, or amount of meditation and yoga will help. Why?

 

There are several ways the stress of being in an energy-vampire-relationship causes your health to deteriorate:

  1. Causes Inflammation. On a basic level, the stress of trying to “fix” someone and having to deal with constant disappointment, negativity, and deception leads to a cascade of stress hormones in your body. When you are constantly under stress, your adrenals produce cortisol, a stress hormone that, under normal circumstances, suppresses inflammation and gives you the ability to get out of danger. However, when cortisol levels remain high, your body actually produces inflammatory chemicals called cytokines. This causes you to feel symptoms such as headaches, joint pain and swelling, arthritis, fibromyalgia, digestive problems, weight gain, and eventually diabetes and heart disease. Remember chronic cellular inflammation is the root cause of almost all degenerative diseases.
  2. Wreaks havoc on your immune system. It is well documented that people who are under constant social stress experience dysregulation of their immune systems, leaving them vulnerable to infectious diseases and so-called autoimmune disorders. Now, it’s important to understand that while viruses can cause diseases – for example, the Epstein-Barr virus can cause autoimmune disease – this only happens when your immune system is off balance due to chronic stress and cortisol levels that are too high. Conversely, when your immune system is in balance, your body is able to keep viruses in check.
  3. Encourages poor dietary choices. When you have a headache, you may pop a couple of Advil. When you are constantly getting headaches due to a vampire draining you, you may not only decide to take medicines to cover up your symptoms, but you may also not feel up to cooking a healthy meal and find it easier to order a pizza. In addition, the excess cortisol you have circulating causes you to crave sweets, so you find yourself reaching for sugar or alcohol. This leads to weight gain and an inability to get a good night’s sleep.
  4. Leads to brain changes. Brain scans show that people who have lived with cognitive dissonance due to energy-vampire-relationships have brain changes similar to those with PTSD. (Cognitive dissonance is when your beliefs about the world and yourself clash, causing tension.)
  5. Triggers neuroendocrine hormone cascade. Researchers have found that PTSD and trauma are associated with a higher risk of developing lupus. One study presumes that stress-triggered neuroendocrine hormones lead to immune system dysregulation by altering or amplifying cytokine production resulting in autoimmune disease.

8 Warning Signs of An Unbalanced, Energy Vampire Relationship

Recognizing your vampire is the first step toward letting go of an unbalanced relationship.  Here are some of the ways you can tell if you are in a relationship with an energy vampire.

  1. Shows no interest in the things that interest you. Whether it’s your family, a hobby you enjoy, or a type of food you like to eat, a vampire would rather complain or ignore you when you bring up your interests. Some vampires will even make you feel bad about your interests.
  2. Stops communicating. After love-bombing you and showering you with attention, energy vampires will often act distant, especially if you disagree or argue with them. They become elusive. They stop calling and texting you. Or, they reply with hurtful remarks. When vampires re-engage, they will often do it just to “win you back,” then withdraw again seeming more interested in watching sports on TV or going out with their friends. A vampire will never admit to their part in an argument.  They may have bursts of rage.
  3. Gives ultimatums. Vampires will try to hold you back because your personal growth makes them feel threatened and insecure. They might create drama whenever you choose to do something that doesn’t include them. Some may forbid you to see a certain friend or participate in a certain activity. Many vampires will give ultimatums, making you choose between them and someone or something else.
  4. Blames you for their problems. Instead of talking with you about their problems, vampires refuse to take responsibility and will actually blame you for their personal problems.They may also avoid you or act in a disrespectful manner such as staying out all night drinking, not coming home or going off the grid completely.
  5. Withholds or demands sex. Vampires often use sex as a weapon, commonly demanding sex when their partner isn’t interested, or withholding sex and affection as punishment.
  6. Keeps Score.Energy vampires keep track of how many good things they have done for you and believe that their “good deeds” are greater than what they are receiving from you. In addition, vampires will keep track of your mistakes and use them against you.
  7. Threatens to leave you. Vampires threaten to leave when things don’t go their way. They may say things like “I can be with someone who likes my friends,” or “I will just stay with Joe until you admit you’re wrong.”
  8. Puts you down.Vampires often try to make you feel that you are less than worthy of them. They may call you hurtful names, purposefully miss scheduled events or appointments, or embarrass you in public.

5 Ways To Counteract the Negative Effects of An Energy Vampire Relationship

Dr. Mario Martinez points out that most illnesses involve a learned physiological response to specific stressors.  For example, someone with fibromyalgia is unable to sleep soundly. Lack of deep sleep results in widespread cellular inflammation (in part because deep sleep is necessary in order for your body to metabolize stress hormones) creating a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation, pain, and inflammation. Dr. Martinez suggests that learning to be a light sleeper is a highly adaptive strategy when you are living with a threat of some kind – such as sexual or physical abuse. Even when the threat is no longer there, your body’s stress response (and the impact on your psychoneuroimmunological system) remains, setting the stage for illness.

To overcome patterns that set the stage for chronic illness, try these strategies:

  1. Rid yourself of vampires. Try not to be seduced into to taking the latest drug for your condition. Instead, if your gut tells you that your condition was triggered by the stress of being in a relationship with an energy vampire, you need to be rid of that person before you can heal.
  2. Change your beliefs. In his book, the Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton, Ph.D. points out that only about 10 percent of what happens in your body is related to your genes or your family history, including how your genes get expressed. Your health is primarily determined by your environment, and the most important part of that is your beliefs. If you believe you deserve to be happy and healthy, you are taking the first step toward achieving that.
  3. Express righteous anger. In his book, The MindBody Code, Dr. Mario Martinez points out that many Tibetan monks have diabetes that can’t be attributed to their diet or lifestyle. He suggests that the monks’ development of diabetes is intimately connected with their belief systems of loving-kindness and forgiveness.Now, the Tibetan culture and its people have suffered a huge amount of damage by the Chinese. The natural response is anger and rage, yet the monks have been taught to send love to their enemies instead. They are literally “sugar-coating” their anger. This initiates the release of endorphins (akin to morphine), which numbs their pain and prevents them from feeling anger. High levels of endorphins over time can adversely affect glucose metabolism.
  4. Release shame. Many empaths who are in relationships with energy vampires were often shamed during childhood. Shame is toxic and actually produces the inflammatory chemical known as IL-6. Many empaths hold onto shame from childhood. Being highly sensitive it may not even take a major psychological stressor, such as an energy-vampire-relationship, to trigger health issues. Find ways to feel and release shame and other emotions that you have not fully felt and named.
  5. Put your emotional needs first. As the cliché goes, “the best defense is a good offense.” Putting yourself and your needs first is the equivalent of going on the offensive. Treat yourself with the same care and love that you treat others. You may need to start with baby steps such as deleting someone from your social media. You can also practice saying “no” when someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do. Practice saying, “I simply can’t.” Or, “That is not possible.” Over time, you’ll get good at it and become adept at setting healthy boundaries. Also, you need to pat yourself on the back – regularly! When you are in control of your own life and your relationships, energy vampires and other predators will feel your light and will run the other way!

Have you ever suffered from health issues that resolved once you changed your relationships? Please leave me your comments below.

Last Updated: April 24, 2018

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., is a visionary pioneer and a leading authority in the field of women’s health and wellness. Recognizing the unity of body, mind, and spirit, she empowers women to trust their inner wisdom, their connection with Source, and their ability to truly flourish.

Comments

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  1. Linda
    2 months ago

    My go to song at the moment is Randy Crawford – One day I’ll fly away and I sing it in my head as a coping mechanism. My EV’s are my mother who lives with me at 86 and husband of 40 years. I know I won’t heal until I leave but have to care for my mother. Thanks for the info and your book will arrive today. I will also send my daughter a copy!

  2. Angie
    2 months ago

    Dr Christiane, I have just read your articles on Energy Vampires and I am horrified by the idea that I may actually be the EV in my own relationship with the most wonderful of men. I thought I behaved the way I behave because I have the limiting story “I am not wanted” , which I am working on resolving – but now the question arises – first of all, how does one become the vampire and secondly, how does one cure oneself of being the vampire – when they really do not want to fall into the trap of those behaviours and they desire nothing more than to have a wonderfully , deep, intimate harmonious relationship?

  3. Birgitte
    2 months ago

    Thank you soooooo Much for this!
    I try to find your e-learning program about this but cant find it?
    Can you link it here or e-mail?
    Thanks
    Birgitte ☀️

    1. Coulson Duerksen
      2 months ago

      You can purchase the Dodging Energy Vampire course here: https://www.hayhouseu.com/dodging-energy-vampires-online-course-hhu

  4. Sarah
    3 months ago

    Dr. Northrup,
    I’m ending a relationship with an EV. I’m leaving the relationship with very little monetarily, physically, and emotionally; however, your article, which I happened to stumble upon, came at an opportune moment – giving me the strength needed to actually walk out the door. You also give me hope that by leaving I’ll regain my health, which in turn will allow me to regain everything I’ve lost. Thank you for providing the lifeline I need to take care of myself.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Hi Sarah, I’m so glad that this helped you. There is a Biblical phrase ” I will restore to you the years that the locust have eaten.” Life can turn on a dime. You have taken the first step toward your own thriving. congratulations.

  5. Donna
    3 months ago

    My elderly mother has been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist for many years. It is with a childhood friend she reconnected with many years after my father died. He has gas lighted her and sucked so much of her light out of her she is a shell of her former self. He convinced her to sell her home and nearly all of her possessions to move into a retirement community with him. They share an apartment. Mom just turned 80. Her mother is still living – she’s 98. Grandma is AMAZING and is the smartest person in our family. Mom is being treated for normal pressure hydrocephalus so she is foggy and shows signs of dementia and unsteady on her feet. She is constantly interrupted and demeaned by this man and has been forced to live her life so much differently than she ever did. She used to teach water aerobics. Now she doesn’t exercise at all. She used to eat SO healthy — giant salads and delicious fruits and vegetables and amazing meals she’d create for him only to be dismissed with, “What’s THAT? I don’t eat ANYthing GREEN!” She used to LIVE in the kitchen and read cookbooks like novels. She ADORED cooking. She has been forced to give that up entirely. She used to be orderly and organized. Now he goes through her things if he can’t find where he put his own stuff. She can’t take a shower by herself because he walks in and joins her so she can wash his feet (presumably because he can’t bend down, but somehow he can tee up a golf ball). He wakes her in the middle of the night so she can rub his legs because he has painful neuropathy due to diabetes from his terrible diet. The list goes on, if you can even believe it. It’s positively sickening to watch and heartbreaking to think my mother who was once a healthy ray of sunshine is probably going to die an early death because of this EV. How is it possible to convince my mom HE is the one who is responsible for her physical ailments when he can so easily suck her into the false sense of security that he makes her think HE is the one taking care of HER? She’s got a servant’s heart, which is a dear characteristic, but she’s even given that to him now and it’s never, ever enough. Please help give me words to talk to my mom because I could not bear living with myself if I buried her without trying to save her.

  6. Elizabeth HALVAX
    3 months ago

    thank you this article is right on the money. Question: how can a person be helped if she is in denial of being in such a relationship and cut relationship with people who are trying to bring this to her attention. Me and my sister really afraid that we will lose her sooner than normal if she is not willing to wake up. Would appreciate your advice.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      There is nothing you can do except live your own life. The truth shall set you free. Indeed, you are very apt to lose her sooner than normal if you try to convince her about the truth of her relationship. We all wake up when its time– and when our soul’s have asked for this information. Just send Divine Love and turn the whole situation over to her Higher Power.

  7. Ellie K
    3 months ago

    Hello Dr Northrup. I just watched your interview with Michael Sandler on Inspire Nation and wanted to send you a hug and many thanks for getting this information out! I have an EV parent and you gave me so much insight into my parent, myself and our relationship. You gave words to feelings and thoughts I’ve had myself, which was so comforting. I know I’m going to love this book! Thank you again <3

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      I am so glad that you listened to that interview. Michael was so understanding about all of it. I’m glad to know we helped you.!

  8. sandi gale
    3 months ago

    wow just listened to Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Freedom on the HAY HOUSE WORLD SUMMIT 2018. WOW i am an EMPATH and my ex was an vampire, and all of it rings so true.. it took me over two years to get him out of my life and he took the ten years of my BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE> thank you for sharing. I am still recovering but all is going to be ok and glad to know why i stayed for ten years and what i am and what he is

  9. Andie
    3 months ago

    Thank you Dr Northrup.
    The belief that everyone in their heart of hearts is a good person resonates deeply within me and many of my friends. I’m guessing that our catholic (or whatever religious) upbringing with ‘god is within our hearts’ has a lot do do with this.
    My baby steps are having an impact on my EV’s behaviour. They seem to be bringing him into the light. and he’s not liking it one bit.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Love is venom to a toxic person. You are right on track. Bless you.

  10. Sigrid
    3 months ago

    Thank you very much for the insights…. I wonder what to do and how to lovingly react as a mother if the EV is one of my twin sons… He is nearly 15 and he rules the family. I feel shame, because we put him to boarding school last year. Now I want him to return, because I am more exhausted then before. And I don’t think it is right just to put him away. Perhaps you have some insights that can help me out here.

  11. Ken Hamilton
    3 months ago

    So nice to bring you to mind, Chris. Recalling just now how you introduced me to Carolyn. Heartiest congrats on the immensely successful life you’ve led.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Hi Ken– how lovely to see you here!! Thank you.

  12. Kathleen Ross
    3 months ago

    Reading this blog, I’ve realized EVs can also be found in the workplace. It may be the job itself as well as the people around you.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      I completely agree with this. Have worked with far too many.

  13. coffeenglam
    3 months ago

    Thank you so much, it really makes sense coffeenglam.com

  14. Tricia
    3 months ago

    Second marriage. Honeymoon gone terribly awry. Came home and suffered all sorts of physical pain. I am very healthy and never had an issue. Wound up with low boood sugars, gastric issues including severe heart burn. Put on anti depressants and nothing helped. Funny-I’m divorces dor over a year now and healthy as a horse.
    It’s real
    Stress and not listening to your inner voice will cause your body to step forward and force you to take care of you.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Thanks for this testimonial. May it help many others. TRUTH!!

  15. Tulum5199
    3 months ago

    I’m dealing with insomnia, exhaustion, arthritis pain has increased, jumpiness since being discarded by narcissistic boyfriend of 5 years. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I feel traumatized, working hard to understand what happened. Thank you for your Energy Vampire course and this article. I’m learning I’m an empath and I tried everything to fix the unfixable. I see now he was feeding on it. With your help and Melanie Tonia Evans NARP, I believe I can heal. After being in a 30 year marriage that was mostly laid back, little arguing, meeting a Narc after separating knocked me out. Like you say, they can charm the bark off a tree. He did, then kept me off balance with his covert narc ways.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      I am SO SORRY– but please know that all your best years are AHEAD of you!!

  16. Shawn
    3 months ago

    Thank you for your posts and videos, it was like a big lightbulb going off. I recently got out of a relationship with an EV. When I watched your 4part video, I realized I was in a relationship with an EV. As I’m trying to cut ties she is still trying to manipulate and lie about issues at hand. I don’t respond to her insults or manipulation. I feel better everyday I’m away from her. I have my energy back and body feeling way better. Will be ordering your book!

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Oh I am so glad you are getting the message to put yourself and your own life FIRST!! It is the ONLY way.

  17. Jean
    3 months ago

    Years ago I was married to an alcoholic. I was very co-dependent & an empath. I stayed because I loved him, totally abandoning myself & my own needs. After 11 years of this I could start to feel my health go down & became depressed. I worried about him constantly, he sure never worried about me! I could see him getting worse & worse. After a year of counseling I told him he had to leave, that he was dying in our home & I was not going to do the funeral. I told him his mother could do the funeral seeing how she has enabled all of her sons to stay sick and addicted. That was 24 years ago. After he left I continued to get help. His mother did do his funeral 3 years ago. I have been married to the greatest guy ever for the past 16 years where we totally support each other on all levels. Our home is filled with love, friendship, peace and joy. Had I not wised up I would be in real bad shape in every way possible. I thank God for everything He placed in my path when I asked for His help! Thank you Dr. Northrup! You are the greatest!!!

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Good work!!! Your post will help so many others know that there’s a light at the end of the EV tunnel

  18. Wendy Lauritsen
    3 months ago

    Fascinating information about what extreme stress does to our health, how to recognize an energy vampire and how to heal. I experienced it firsthand and am so grateful to people like you who are shedding the light on this to let all the empaths know that this is real. I took your Dodging Energy Vampire course and found it so helpful, I know now that it was divine guidance that led me to be trained in EFT/Tapping, Hay House and your work. I used tapping all the time when I was going through a very traumatic time in my life in the recent past and it has helped immensely. If you ever hold a retreat on the subject of energy vampires and how you can heal from the abuse I would be honored to share my story. Thank you for sharing your stories, experience and enlightenment.

  19. Stephanie
    3 months ago

    Hello Christine, you are a true blessing. Timing is everything. I work with an Energy Vampire and fully understanding the behaviour. It puts everything into perspective. I’m glad I came across your series and blog here.

  20. Diane
    3 months ago

    An excellent article. Thank you!

  21. Di
    3 months ago

    Dr Northrup, if anybody gives you a rash about how this stuff is not true,
    I have a story to validate that it is true.
    I will be willing to share my experience.
    I am the one empath who whose wings were injured since birth
    And ironically
    15 vampires
    15 medical disorders later
    I am on the road to recovery
    And would like my tribe to help me advocate
    This sickness the world has with its soul.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Thank you for the support. And yes– there are those who deny this– they are the ones who continue ot enable the behavior– but the truth sets us all free– eventually.

  22. Di
    3 months ago

    Dr Northrup. Thankyou! It all makes sense thanks to your book. I have been in an eight year relationship triggering old childhood wounds. I AM 98% EMPATH. (My partner Apath and polar, with malignant narcissist daughter. I love him so however, a work in progress I hope.)
    However, I was raised by a PSYCHOPATHIC mother and CRIMINALLY ABUSED 24/7 from age 4 until I got out of the house, along with this torture there were Four brother and sisters with the dirty triad of malignant traits hashing out there torture onto me, And then to go to school to be dodging 6 school room boy bully’s who were cruel, only to come back home again to continue with all that was going on there in it’s sickly abuse. I attracted more malignant narcissistic traits into my life and the story goes on. But not any more thanks to you and Chiron. I am writing my experiences to share with the world.
    I REPRESSED this experience in my body.
    Lol, the irony of been abused by 15 energy vampires (TOXIC MALIGNANT PERSONALITY TRAITS,)
    15 medical diagnosis’s, (a medical file as tall as I am, with medical terms such as PSYCHOSOMATIC AND NEUROPLASTICITY, theres this irony that my empath powers attracted all this into my life. The laws of the universe has been on my side owning my power this last few years and educating myself and others on the dirty triad of energy vampires is on my front line to help the planet heal. Your book IS a godsend. I feel the Me too movement needs to add another chapter to this movement and I, like you, and victims of this sick energy need to advocate
    And help heal this element on our planet. This population is going to hear us empaths roar,
    As Katy Perry would say.
    Anyway, I am putting my experience to work for me…..I want to be on the front line advocating love in this much needed element that plagues people souls.
    Sign me up should you need any help. Like you really need it. Good going Dr Northrup. I love your shadow work. Thankyou.
    Life coach empath who has suffered dearly, and well on my way with my wings. I want to write a book and I am looking forward to getting my craft together so Hay house publishing can enter me in a contest so I can publish my experience and I can have my say so about an empath recovering from the woes of a sick soul. My final message to these people,
    Look at me now!

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      Thank you for the support. And yes– there are those who deny this– they are the ones who continue ot enable the behavior– but the truth sets us all free– eventually.

  23. Maria
    3 months ago

    Thank you so much Dr. Christiane Northrup great impact on transforming relationships.

    1. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      I like the idea of helping people exit from these patterns instead of trying to fix things for decades– only to get sick in the process.

  24. Diana V
    3 months ago

    Thank you, Dr. Northrup,

    It is helpful to look for those signs of the energy vampires and sadly, some of those very people are family members and tough to disassociate from them completely. I am reading your book now and learning new skills to deal with them which will be helpful to empower me once again. Energy Vampires can be masters of manipulation and they know just what buttons to push to get their “narcissistic supply” as you say. But I am hopeful that being armed with this tools to deal with the EV people, I can move forward and have my “shields” up when necessary for those folks!

    Thanks again!
    Diana

  25. Lorraine
    3 months ago

    Christians. I Absoloutly love your work ThAnkyou this is just what I need to read at 61 still in recovery from a lifetime of toxic relationships and Sick with severe fibromyalgia . Info relate to your 8 year detox from your last connection and can’t wait to read your book!
    Grateful thanks
    Lorraine

  26. Nevada
    3 months ago

    My health issues all hit me once I had removed myself from EV, gave myself the right to recognize these people as they truly are and express my anger for the first time. I finally found peace, then wham! Down I went!

  27. Janey
    3 months ago

    What if I recognize myself, and I’m the energy vampire? How do I accept my loved one as they are and stop trying to change them by using these vampire techniques?

  28. Anne Ryan
    3 months ago

    Hi Christiane Yes I was involved in a 15 year relationship with a man that i ended up with my neck muscles so stiff and tense that my neck was very painful and i couldn’t straighten it,, I had migraine headaches and could not sleep,, I noticed that after an argument I had no energy and i told my sister he seemed like he was full on energy reminding me of a ballerina in a tutu dancing around during pirouettes why i was on my knees exhausted, I wonder would you describe some one with Asperger as an energy vampire because I think that is what he has,, They seem to just suck all the life out of you and have zero empathy doing it,, I would consider myself a sensitive person maybe a rescuer but I dont think i am an empath though i do have empathy for people, I eventually left him,, and took a few years to recover but unfortunately i seem to be in a relationship with another emotionally devoid individual,, again Aspergers comes to mind,,, I seem to have a pattern for that,,, Regards Anne

  29. Colette
    3 months ago

    I can’t describe the body blow of “AH-HAH’s” that hit me after reading your blog! I have lived with an EV for almost 35 years, always believing those childhood belief systems of ‘You’re not good enough to matter or be listened to’, ‘You’re not strong enough to stand up to him or speak your truth’, and ‘It’s your fault he’s like that’. I AM DONE. I now recognize the physiological symptoms of living drained of energy because of this.Thank you, Christine! I’m now on a mission to find and nurture my authentic beautiful empathic self.
    Question: How difficult is this when you are married to the EV??? I’m willing to find out by the way, because I am SO worth it. Thank you Thank you….

  30. Mary Blake
    3 months ago

    Thank you Dr. Northrup, for Dodging Energy Vampires! I just finished it and especially loved the section on healing, including the affirmations and Divine Love meditation. There are tools I can really put to work in my passion profession, Reiki.
    Many blessings to you.

  31. Fotini
    3 months ago

    I cried reading this. I now have an even clearer picture of what I can do to help myself out of this predicament I’m in and get back to being me – the me that isn’t always drained.

  32. Vickie
    3 months ago

    After reading this blog I got this HUGE release of emotion. Not sure why it made me cry other than at last someone gets me and I see hope that someone can help me. For me this journey has been painful since I only learned about being an empath because I have been dealing with a vampire I called an evil person before. I can’t escape her without giving up my terminal father so I’m also dealing with anger, feeling trapped because I love my dad. I am still studying everything you write or say during my stress encounters but your advice is helping me! I cannot thank you enough for your knowledge, compassion and knowing wisdom that helps to heal those of us willing to listen.

  33. Beth
    3 months ago

    I was in a marriage with an energy vampire. I took it for years… and then my digestion gave out. I couldn’t keep any food in me. I lost a lot of weight and people asked if I was sick. I realized I was slowly disappearing and the pieces of me that I gave away had become physical. The experience was exactly what I needed to remove myself from that relationship. It had to be a BIG physical sickness since I wasn’t listening to the rest of the little signs. Thank you for this work. It’s refreshing for me as I say ‘Oh yes’ that happened to many of your Warning Signs. What’s hard is that most of the time, no one else sees it. YOU have to see it on your own and have the courage to act. Blessings to all who are expelling the energy vampires from their lives….

  34. Ron
    3 months ago

    Thanks for sharing this information. something that I can definitely relate to.

  35. Deb Rubenstein
    3 months ago

    This article is my ah ha moment. My vampire is a sibling. I say i realize the behavior wont change, yet I always had a little hope until today. Dr. Christiane, you are a friend in my head. I read your books and reference them often. I treasure the wisdom you share. You confirm my beliefs in how to live a life of love and. kindness. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I promise to me that this EV has no power over me. I hope to meet you someday, this is on my vision board. Thank you. Love, Deb

  36. Bertha
    3 months ago

    Not only I had issues, but my daughter also developed an autoimmune disorder. After the divorce, we both returned to health and she’s been in remission for 2 years now! I keep watching for vampires and getting rid of them! Some are really sneaky…

  37. Charmaine
    3 months ago

    Wow! I never new about this research concerning Tibetan Monks! What an eye-opener! Thank you.

  38. Therese Yonikus
    3 months ago

    Thank you for your ongoing support with blogs and emails!!! I am reading your book for a second
    time. I have underlined and made notes. Your work is a great support and it feels really good to
    pass it on to friends and clients!!!

  39. Michelle Kelley
    3 months ago

    I pre-ordered your book and began reading Energy Vampires last week. I work 40+ hours, and Full time grad school so I don’t have the time that I’d like to dive in and read it in one sitting! This article (and your book) speaks to me. I’ve been married to an Energy Vampire for 27 years. I have tried to leave twice at 17 yrs and 24 yrs, yet he always declares he will change. I had breast cancer in 2013 as well as several autoimmune issues. In 2015 my naturapath did numerous tests and my Cortisol was thru the roof-one of the highest he had seen, and Thyroid function is chaotic. This post includes lot of complaining but my point is you and your work speak to me…I believe I won’t heal physically until I leave my husband, but it’s a hard decision (we have 6 children, 3 in H.S.) I eat clean (paleo/keto/AIP), do yoga, meditate, run marathons and should be in excellent health, yet I cannot seem to arrive there.

  40. Tina
    3 months ago

    What if the energy vampire is a minor? I am raising a 13-year old granddaughter who is a challenge to everyone that comes in contact with her.

  41. Barbara
    3 months ago

    Thanks so much!
    This was kind of tough to read especially when the EV is in your own family!
    I also can relate to the monks. I’ve really got to watch that in myself.

    1. Kyla
      3 months ago

      I have one in my family also, and a lot of guilt over not wanting contact. I get cold sweats whenever they contact me. Panic sets in.Heart palpitations.

    2. Christiane Northrup
      3 months ago

      I am so so sorry about this. It is so true. MANY people are adversely affected by this.

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