I was talking with a friend the other day, whose daughter Nancy is pregnant with her second child. Nancy had gotten into the habit of calling her mom in tears just about every time she felt stressed out—and with the expectation that her mom would “fix it.”
My friend was laughing as she said, “I told her in a light-hearted way that she has to step up and be an adult now. I explained that it’s not OK anymore for her to call me every time she loses it, like she has her whole life. That’s been our relationship, you know.
“Now that she has her own children, she needs to break that habit, find the solutions to her problems, and not continue to count on me to make it ‘all better.'”
So true. There comes a time, sooner or later, when each of us has to step up and learn to be an adult—even though as daughters we’d much rather have our mothers fix it.
Being an adult—and mothering ourselves—means knowing how to nurture and care for ourselves.
Sure—it’s likely that there will never be another human whose touch and whose love can soothe us the way our mother’s can.
This is, of course, one of the reasons why self-care and self-nurturing skills and behaviors—the absolute backbone of flourishing health—can be such a challenge for individuals whose own mothers are or were absent in some major way, such as alcoholism, self-centered behavior, chronic depression, and so forth.
Here’s another huge truth: Our health, thoughts, feelings, behavior, and sense of worthiness are all highly influenced by the very person in whose body our own bodies were formed—awash in the amniotic fluid and blood that not only contained nutrients, but also our mother’s every thought, fear, dream, and aspiration.
This isn’t some poetic idea—it’s simple scientific fact.
It’s also one of the key reasons why it’s so easy for our mothers to make us feel guilty.
Our bodies remember that when our mothers were upset, we got less blood flow in the umbilical cord. Her displeasure quite literally determined how much life-giving oxygen was available to us as our bodies were being formed.
Talk about a primal imprint for making sure our mothers are happy with us!
This Mother’s Day, I want to tell you about a different way to think about your mother and about yourself—a way that is deeply true and liberating, no matter what is going on with your mother.
On a soul level, we’re old friends with our mothers. And they signed up for assisting us on our soul’s journeys big time—by being willing to take on the role of our mother. And no matter how well they did or didn’t do that job, we have a job, too: to realize that though we might not have had the mother we wanted, we ALL got the mother our souls needed.
What’s more, every single one of us can connect right now with the mother energy that made all of our bodies in the first place—the Earth herself.
It has been said that when you lavish your attention on the earth—on a flower, or a stream, or any aspect of nature—that energy loves you right back.
In the book series The Ringing Cedars, Anastasia refers to the land you live on and love as “Love dissolved in space.” You can feel this when you travel to parks and gardens, farms, and yards that have been loved by those who live there. This mothering energy is available to each of us from the Earth and from Mother Nature—no matter what has happened with your biological mother.
So here is my prescription for a glorious Mother’s Day.
Call your mother—in spirit if she is no longer in a body—or if speaking with her directly is too painful.Here’s a special prayer: “With my Spirit, I send Divine Love to my mother’s Spirit.”
That’s it. Just say this prayer. With your whole heart. And let go of the outcome.
- Eat organic food. Eating organic food is like breast-feeding from the Earth herself. (This phrase makes a great Tweet! Please share.)
- Stand on the Earth—not asphalt. Stand barefoot on the grass, in the sand, in the ocean, or on some rocks. Allow the loving mothering energy of our Mother the Earth—the goddess Gaia—to come right up into your body and hold you, rock you, and comfort you. Do this nurturing, healing, earthing exercise for 20 minutes.
- Know that it’s natural and necessary to “Want your mommy.” We all do. And the very act of acknowledging this and turning to the Earth herself to get it, begins the process of healing the child of wonder within each of us.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Now it’s your turn. What are YOU doing to heal the bond with your mother? With your daughter? I know many of my community members have experience accepting that they were born to the parents who could help them with their soul’s journey. If you are one, please leave a comment so others can learn from you. And if you liked this blog, please share it!