An Empath’s Best Protection Against Energy Vampires

7 Strategies For Protecting Yourself

by Christiane Northrup, M.D.


Are you in a relationship with an energy vampire?  Fully 20 percent of all people (male and female) have vampire characteristics or are full-blown Cluster Bs. That’s one in five people!  And, each one of them affects five people.  So, with nearly 60 million people directly or indirectly affected by energy vampires, it is likely that you are in a relationship with one or know someone who is – especially if you are an empath or highly sensitive person.

The energy vampire in your life could be a parent, a colleague or even someone you consider to be a friend. But, unless you have been threatened by an energy vampire, you may not even realize you are dealing with one because they can be very charming when they are love-bombing you. That is until they come after you. 

Soon, you are blindsided with insults, being shamed — for your social status, body size, age, income level, how you talk or where you come from — and even abused. Energy vampires also can become moody and distant, so you walk on eggshells, expending even more of your energy while praising and admiring them just to keep the peace.  This can negatively affect your self-esteem to the point where you believe something is inherently wrong with you.

And, of course, living with the constant stress and low self-esteem created by the energy vampire can lead to chronic inflammation at a cellular level due to consistently high levels of cortisol running through your body. This, in turn, encourages you to indulge in other behaviors – such as poor dietary choices or even alcohol or drugs – that further increase cellular inflammation and can lead to disease. In fact, many empaths don’t realize that an energy vampire is sucking the life out of them until they become physically ill.

The good news is the mental health profession and society, in general, are finally getting up to speed on how these energy suckers work.  There are identifiable personality traits and common manipulation tactics that, when recognized, will “out” an energy vampire.  When you see these qualities, you can learn to protect yourself.

7 Strategies For Protecting Yourself Against Energy Vampires

If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you need to know how to protect yourself. And make no mistake, self-protection should be your primary goal when dealing with energy vampires, especially if the energy vampire is a family member, colleague or close friend and you are not able to limit contact right away.

Here are some strategies to help you protect yourself from energy vampires:

  1. Realize they exist. Most people who are in relationships with energy vampires are empaths.  We empaths believe that everyone is good and often will stay in a toxic relationship too long while making excuses for an energy vampire. We don’t want to admit they are really in it for themselves and lack empathy so they don’t care about you. Ouch!  Realizing that there are some people who are not good will help you protect yourself.
  2. Keep a gut instincts journal. Empaths are highly intuitive. But, after many years with an energy vampire, you can lose the ability to believe what you feel. One way you can start to re-trust your gut is to keep a Gut Instincts Journal. Pay attention to what your gut says about a person. For example, does the person engage in risky behavior or threaten self-injury? Does he or she lie, cheat, or have recurring problems with the law? Then keep track of how situations play out. Even if your vampire is compelling and charming, don’t talk yourself out of your gut instincts about a person. Be sure to pay attention to how they treat ALL of the people they encounter, such as a waitress at your local restaurant, or an entry-level employee.
  3. Find a reality-check friend. Be sure to have a clearheaded and trustworthy contact with “vampire radar” whom you can reach out to when you are feeling uncertain. Often this is a good friend who knows you well and who hasn’t been taken in by your vampire. Call this person whenever you’re feeling unsure about a situation.
  4. Put yourself first. Energy vampires will fight for control. They can also be angry and manipulative, or often passive aggressive. And, they are great at “splitting behaviors” – or pitting one person against the next. When you encounter these qualities, take a step back (or out of the room or building) and remember that you were meant to live a joyful life in which your needs and feelings count too. Then, pledge allegiance to yourself. You can say “I pledge allegiance to myself and to my soul for which I stand. I honor my goodness, my gifts, and my talent. I commit to remaining loyal to myself from this moment forward for all of my days.
  5. Pat yourself on the back regularly. Most empaths give others far too much credit and deflect praise for their own contributions which we tend to downplay. Instead, pat yourself on the back regularly for who you are and for what you do well.  
  6. Say “no.” One of the best ways to protect yourself is to minimize your interactions with a vampire. You can do this by becoming “empowered in the negative.” In other words, learn how to turn people down. Saying “no” takes practice.  And, it’s all about compassion, which as an empath, you have plenty of.  If you find it too difficult to say “no” at first, start by saying, “I’ll get back to you.”  The main thing you need to master is stopping the knee-jerk “yes.”
  7. Get support. When you finally “get it” about energy vampires, you will need support – and not just from your reality-check friend.  A psychotherapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery can be invaluable in these situations. There are also narcissistic abuse recovery groups. If you haven’t completely split from your vampire relationship, find a couples therapist who knows how to deal with character-disordered individuals.

As an empath, you are here to anchor the light.  And, the light of an empath is always grounded in love, compassion and service, not self-sacrifice and martyrdom. When you love yourself first, you stand as the light. This shows energy vampires that you are not available to be their prey. And, you make it safer for others to do the same.

Have you ever been in a relationship with an energy vampire?  How have you protected yourself?  Please leave your comments below.

Last Updated: February 20, 2018

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., is a visionary pioneer and a leading authority in the field of women’s health and wellness. Recognizing the unity of body, mind, and spirit, she empowers women to trust their inner wisdom, their connection with Source, and their ability to truly flourish.


Add comment
  1. Francoise
    1 week ago

    How have you protected yourself?
    I have been married to an emotional vampire for 15 years. It took me many years to figure out what the problem was and as an empath I was trying to fix the situation. But in a sense I was lucky because I had already worked on two of the traits that makes the empath vulnerable to vampires:
    1. We want to be accepted. As it turns out I am not a people pleaser
    2. We don’t want to hurt another person’s feeling. As an empath I am very careful not to hurt other people’s feeling and if by inadvertence I do it is because they are already wounded and I am not responsible for that.
    3. We believe our love and care can help other. That I definitely suffered from. But I joined a help group and by working on changing myself I understand now that it is not my job to change others. My job is to take care of myself.
    Two things happened when I refused to be drained:
    1. My husband found another woman to use for energy
    2. He never divorced me and is still baiting me to this day but I know what he is doing. (thanks to your video I understand why now)
    I was from another country when I married him, I am 65 now and financially I cannot divorce him. But I have learned to protect myself, I am not weak anymore and I don’t let anyone manipulate me.

  2. Diane Boca
    1 week ago

    Christine, I thank you and very grateful!!! and wish I had found you earlier…everything in it’s time I suppose…I finally got away from my Vampire husband, did not recognize my vampire daughter who eventually abandoned me after draining me emotionally and financially, then vampire sister pretended to wanting to be there to help and to discover yet another and took on a part-time job with (boss) another…”I kept asking why is GOD putting these people in my path…HE was only trying to open my eyes to it I now realize, when I recently awoke to Kris Carr invitation to your free 4 part videos on the topic. Wow! eyes wide open! and here I am tracking down your free 4 video series and sharing with others I believe to be empaths. I have know for a while I am an Empath and all the characteriscts match. My daughter was diagnosed with “borderline personality disorder” and though I felt being drained by her, I felt no one will be there for her and I was a single parent so could not abandon her. Training on how to deal with her, only seem to give her more power (enable) and leave me powerless. Donald Trump’s behaviour then reminded me of some of my daughter’s and sister’s traits, and recall my daughter once telling me the front part of her brain not developed properly… I decided to look up narcissistic and sociopath, as these terms seem to be popping up in my world…oh my! Sad and disappointing to realize I cannot help or save these individuals but work on rebuilding my energy and life…so I can continue to shine my light!

    Thank you again for your good works and opening my eyes! Thank you to Kris Carr for sharing.

    1. Diane Boca
      1 week ago

      Please show my first name only. Thank you

  3. Nantenin Conde
    1 week ago

    Dr Northrup,
    i am so glade to find you even there is distance because i live in Canada and i am a single mother of 13 years old son am not working don’t have good friend i feel lost and lonely was so frisking out about my life and know exactly who i am juste i need some help from you. I been with people whose abuse me for more then 20 years and i had a depression anxiety and so one i went trough a lot now i ready to take good care of myself
    I wandering if there is possible chance to be in touch with you so i could explain more have more advice from you.

    Thank you for your understanding

  4. Laura
    1 week ago

    Thank you Dr. Christiane Northrop for sharing your videos on Energy Vampires! My ex-husband called me recently after 15 years of divorce. He remarried a woman who has 3 kids and is very unhappy. After all of these years, my ex asked me to forgive him for the pain & trauma he caused me during our marriage. Following our call, I felt really weak, afraid & kept crying. During our marriage, he was verbally & emotionally abusive, yelled, cursed & criticized me. I am an EMPATH who is loving, giving & always did my best to obtain counseling to help him heal. I also went with him to consult with my Rabbi for spiritual guidance. Nothing worked after I tried EVERYTHING to help my ex & ended up divorcing him due to fear that he may physically harm me! I left & never returned! Now after 15 years, he suddenly reappeared & I became extremely sick, depressed & felt my joyful, positive energy was totally sucked out of me! Although he remarried, he wants to reconnect & communicate with me. I know this is not healthy. He said he recently had a religious experience & prayed for me. I am confused by all of this & don’t know what to believe? I’m now regaining my health & strength after this experience so I can move on. Would you please inform me if there is a technique to help cure a man with this terrible disease or do you recommend a therapy approach with medication?

  5. Maria
    2 weeks ago

    Dear Dr Northrop,Yes, I have been in relationship with vampire for 25 years.Its horrific to realize that . It’s so emotional and at the same time so empowering to know the truth. It’s all to YOUR wonderful service to me and others like me.What a freedom. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Love Maria

  6. Bridget
    2 weeks ago

    OMG, I am right in the middle of the overwhelming process of getting rid-off of my EV, which means kicking him out of my house (he used to rent it from me for the past year while I already moved to another city) and taking away 2 vehicles from him he convinced to put in my name while dating, and continue using while we were already broken up for the past 1 and a half years. Now, even though overwhelmed with the financial responsibilities and tasks I need to do to cut him off completely, with 120K cash less in my account (he was supposed to give this back to me a while ago…), drowning in 2 extra car payments and an extra mortgage for the house he used to rent, I still am starting to finally feel powerful and “taking control of my life back” from someone who was running it with a billion empty promises, giving just enough in return whenever I wanted to leave so I would stay, so he could continue using me for his own best interest. Not mine or even “ours as a couple”…

    I was just telling my friend this weekend that “its so hard for me because I just assume of everyone that they are good.” It was very very hard to accept that he isn’t just having a bad day, or too much to deal with, too many problems, family members dying, business tanking, ex wife, etc etc to deal with.. He PLAIN DOES NOT CARE about me (even though he says he does) but himself only!

    And all the manipulation and emotional abuse… (besides the financial)…. oh, boy… For me realizing that its all manipulation was so hard to face and accept… He is a master of turning things around and making me be (and feel) the bad person!!

    Anyways. I am grateful for finding this article, specially when in the midst of “sucking up my financial losses and years I wasted on him” and trying to move on… This article just ensured me I am not crazy and I am doing the right thing with cutting him out of my life. A very very costly and painful chapter of it…. Thank you Dr. Northrup and everyone for their feed-backs.

  7. Julie
    2 weeks ago

    I own a business and l have an employee that has a very strong vampire energy, she only communicate with my partner the most. At her shift the minute she starts l sense her bad energy. I learned that she lies, always talk behind other employees she ignores everyone except my partner. I know that she doesn’t like me careless. How should I protect my self from this type of people. She is the trouble maker at my business. How should I protect my self from her.

    1. Arosa
      1 week ago

      Fire her. If her performance isn’t professional it could undermine YOUR business acumen. In business people talk and she very well could cause problems for you down the line.
      That’s just MY personal opinion.
      Hope it helped some.
      ~Arosa, a fellow Empath

    2. Lynn
      1 week ago

      Fire her. You should people who respect you in your business. Negative energy will kill a business.

  8. Laurie
    2 weeks ago

    I just started your course on Empaths and Energy Vampires. Thank you so much Dr. Northrup for making this available. It came via email exactly when I needed it. I have known about being an Empath all my life but your explanation is simply the most complete I have ever seen. I am excited to learn more and I thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. Let the healing begin

    Laurie H

  9. Grace
    2 weeks ago

    Dear Christiane,
    Bravo for diagnosing this enormous and debilitating interpersonal disease, and with such authenticity and clarity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your gift. You have no doubt saved many lives and much suffering,

  10. Elizabeth
    2 weeks ago

    Hi Dr Christine,
    Thank you so much for all this information about energy vampires.
    I got married to one, at the age of 18 ( and moved overseas, away from my family).
    I was so slow to waking up to what was happening, that the “ wake up” basically happened 14 years into our marriage and 7 kids later ( 4, among them are twins, were unplanned).
    I love my kids dearly, and feel God has helped me tremendously, with everything though.
    After we’ve moved about two years ago to Israel ( which was my dream, and I fought for it, he was comfortable latching- and receiving complete financial support- unto his parents forever), the “Wake up” slowly started.
    I feel I might ask to leave this marriage very soon, Because it’s making me literally ill ( I already have hashimoto’s for 12 years, now eczema problems)
    I can’t continue in this toxic relationship it will be very hard to leave, but I realized it will be equally hard to stay.
    Luckily I have my parents back and support.
    Better to wake up late than never, and my beautiful kids I will never regret.

    You are a wonderful doctor and again- Thank you!!!!


  11. Elaine
    2 weeks ago

    I am so happy to have run across this comment section. I can see myself in so many past and present situations. It broke my heart to have to disengage with my sister because she was an energy vampire. I0 years younger than I am, I practically served the role as mother to her, taking her to live with me every school holiday break and the entire summers. I still think of her often and send blessings every night for her health, wealth, and happiness. Even so, I have removed her from my life. Her toxicity was so overpowering I knew I had to severe ties. Thank you all so much for sharing your story. Thank you Christiane for your love and support.

  12. cheryl
    2 weeks ago

    Oh my land…

    I could write a book.

    About 11/12 yrs ago I realized I needed Boundaries to protect me from my husbands family. He was very angry..but I held my own.

    Twice in my life I had worked in mental health and somehow stopped long enough to realize I was being so ill treated by family members.

    Now realize I am a dyed in the wool Empath is amazing. I was one in Kindergarten.

    Will have to research the difference between an “enabler” and an “empath”! As I use to teach on the undergrad and grad level and wonder if that allows some of us educators to be more venerable.

    Helping and being supportive without being pulled over the edge is a learned skill I think.

    Today after too many deaths, crisis, losses and my husband living elsewhere for his job, and a son who is vaccine Injured I am still alive.
    The saying that we learn more through adversity or failures is so on target.

    Because of life’s challenges and being too close to what I now have learned today…escaping my own daughters “vampire” skills it is amazing how the path opened up and I saw it and took it.
    For those of you who have “Blended” families it is extra hard. Bouncing all of the balls is exhausting, demanding and overwhelming most of the time. Family dynamics are never taught in school nor is parenting.

    The link to the videos on how to learn more about the different Empaths did not work. So can someone post a link?

    Found this group through Dr Kelly Brogan. She is a real gem.

    Just a note for those on the healing meaning foods and chemical sensitivities can and do have a huge impact on your gut and brain.
    Heal the gut and it is easier to deal with the needed transitions to a full happy new beginning.

    Systems models sometimes help me find a new path to leave something I need to let go of.
    Giving myself permission to not explain why I have created a boundary to protect myself is part of the artwork in my life practice does help it get easier.

    Taking the time to redraw your life map instead of clinging to the old map drawn for you at age 5 is a much needed process.
    When I finally realized how creative I was and what an “original art work” I had become and that my soul is an off grid being it all came together.

    And who care who likes or dislikes you?
    My husband and children have the rights to be who they need to be, I do not need a “mini me” or people who agree with me.
    Movies and TV tend to program us and lend to the controlling of our minds. I turned TV off 7 yrs ago and don’t miss it.

    You have all added to the quilt pieces of my life today.

    Thanks for sharing.

    A broken plate can not be glued back together, but used to make a mosaic that is even more beautiful.

    It’s like I found a new home for my mind today. Wow wow and wow!
    I have been on this mind body and soul healing now for about 6 months. It is like a dance, don’t always know the steps but willing to learn.

    Healing is a slow road.

    Thanks Dr’s Kelly and Christiane!

    Blessings to both.

  13. Karen
    2 weeks ago

    I just listened to your presentation on Energy Vampires on The Tapping World Summit and preordered your book. My husband and adult daughters are all empaths. I am too as a “I must save everyone” sort of person, though I do it through logic and thinking and they are all feelers. Can an empath also be an energy vampire? I see my husband, in trying to fix others and himself (bad childhood) try to manipulate me into doing more than I want to do for him and for others. It’s as if he can’t do enough to help so he recruits me. I am a sucker for being guilted into things. Where is the line between being “we are all humans who are here to help each other”, and “I have rights and needs too”?

  14. Jo
    2 weeks ago

    Thank you so much for this information. It’s great to finally have a reason for what has been going on for so long. Any advice on how to deal with having a daughter who is an energy vampire? She is self harming, possibly depressed and is very manipulative etc. I am beyond exhausted but can’t walk away. Help!

  15. Ida
    2 weeks ago

    Hi Christiane!! I enjoyed your interview on the tapping summit☺️ My daughter is very intuitive, the most intuitive and empahtic in her Class, I Think. She is just 10. For 2 yrs there has Been a vampire Girl in the class. I have always Been the sensing one in my Class and at work, and I am Sure about This. Everything turns around her, class mates are insecure, sometimes desperate to stay in her spine, and drawn to it. She has Been hard on my daughter, two periodes, going after her Best Friends. That What she does. She wants to be the center of everything and she doesn’t allow others to be close to the popular Friends. And she Lies and just uses all methods to get What she wants. And she controls the others with her anger Or ignoring Them for days, weeks. Would you have some advise to us around a situation like that? As an empath this has Been keeping me awake a lot I am trying to remember how strong my daughter is and trust and all that. And Holding my light, and supporting jeres and she is so good at that. And she is good as keeping a distance and staying connected to her Friends, even though it is tricky. My daughter says, that she is not sure, the teachers knows about it, because the vampire charms them and lies. And talks behind the back off others etc.
    I guess This is the first lesson in life on This. And I offcourse is very aware of Holding the light as much as I Can. But noticing that it freaks me out a bit every time I see the vampire im action, and I have often found myself frozen, because it seems so surreal “did that just happen?” And thats What she does. So I haven’t directly talked to the teachers. I thought it was so obvious, that they Would
    Know, but offcourse it isn’t when they are around.
    Big hug and love and Thank you for your work!! I am a spirituel doctor and very inspired♥️♥️Ida

  16. Joan Schroeder
    3 weeks ago

    Thank you so much for your wonderful work! I have preordered your new book on Energy Vanpires, and just listened to your wonderful introduction to Empaths and Energy Vampires through your special offer. FABULOUS!!!!!! Spot on! Thank you for the validation, and valuable recommendations.
    My question is : Why/ how is it that these EV are so predictable? With seemingly the same characteristics/MO … it’s like they all went to the same school. Any ideas?

  17. Cheryl
    3 weeks ago

    I pre-ordered and not clear as how to listen to your class. Preorder number is 113-1084308-6673800. Was unable to listen to this morning.

    1. Coulson Duerksen
      3 weeks ago

      Hi Cheryl,

      I will look into this and get back to you.

      Kind regards,
      Coulson (Dr. Northrup’s editor)

    2. Coulson Duerksen
      3 weeks ago

      Hi again Cheryl,

      Please contact Hay House customer service. If you are in the US or Canada, here is the number to call:
      (800) 654-5126 Ext 1. They should be able to help you with specifics related to your pre-order question.


  18. Stacy Darbyshire
    3 weeks ago

    Hi! I have been called an empath. However, it all has to do with energy. It has taken me decades to realise that every person I meet either needs my help or I need them. Student/ Teacher realationship is interchangeable as an adult. My past experiences are relevant to understanding how to heal myself and to share that knowledge. Spirit guides/ angels literally push people into my happiness. However, it is my responsibility to be focused and centered. That is my challenge. 🙂

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Beautifully stated!

    3 weeks ago

    I think there is a certain magnetism between empaths and energy vampires unfortunately.
    Givers attract Takers, and as you have previously said Christine they seem to have a malignant sixth sense and home in you.
    I feel like I have been plagued by these types (EVs) and continue to both attract them and (sorry to say it) but be attracted to them. I also .had narcissists in my family.
    I think there can be a level of addiction to these people which, as I become aware of I can consciously say no thank you.

    As a child it was a roller coaster ride of being put down by these people and then hopelessly trying to gain their approval.

    Thankfully much more material is coming to light now and I study this to make myself more aware.
    As Empaths we are challenged by this and can become wiser and recognize them much quicker.

    I never used to like to think badly of people and would rationalize those gut instincts and want to believe the best.
    Now I say oh oh heres ANOTHER one, and have become tougher at actually ignoring them despite the pull to be
    socially “nice”.(If they are in your community)

    Boundaries are a big issue here and if EV’s teach you one thing it is to have Very strong impermeable boundaries.


    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Your understanding of this dynamic is truly remarkable. And you have hit the nail on the head. Each of us must learn to TRUST our gut even when we can’t prove what we feel. And even when these “ charmeleoms” are working their dark magic!

  20. Maria
    3 weeks ago

    Thanks for this post and book. I first listened to this term “energy vampires” in your Hay House World Summit talk and bought the program. Your talk was the one I re-listened every time I doubted my intuition about finalizing the relationship with my energy vampire husband. I felt I was living in limbo for so many years, not achieving my goals and growth but just trying to make things work in the relationship, with poor success. Your talk comforted me and gave me the certainty that my intuition was right, although it seemed the wrong thing to do. Thanks to you and the help of family and friends and therapy I was able to leave this toxic relationship and finally divorce him. It’s been a tough time for my kids, but I finally have peace with myself and am regaining my strength.

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      What a pleasure to hear this. Ans bravo for your good work. It is not easy!

    2. Elizabeth
      2 weeks ago

      Very similar situation with me.

  21. H.
    3 weeks ago

    Wow, I never realized why I become victim of ‘love scam’ repeatedly. Thanks so much to walk me up.

  22. Sonia
    3 weeks ago

    My mother was/is an energy vampire, so is my fathers other daughter. I have had the “blessing” (ha) of having these women in my life, and have only recently blocked them from contacting me. I start a “daughters of narcissist mothers” support group in two days, see a therapist regularly, and am learning how to say no to all energy vampires, even the ones I considered friends. Its a life-long endeavor. Thank you for this post.

  23. Lee
    3 weeks ago

    My take is that an empath is a sensitive, giving person who often attracts an energy vampire who sucks the emotional life out of them. My daughter was victim to a few of those vampires and the last time she was strong enough to get out of that escalating abusive situation and moved across the world to protect she and her unborn baby! She is a better woman for it and a great, devoted Mom!

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Bravo for her. It’s hard to watch a loved one get sucked in by an EV. But when they break free and wake up, it helps so much!

  24. Terri
    3 weeks ago

    Great blog! I am looking forward to the book. It is my experience that some of the people who believe that they are empaths are actually more on the ‘energy vampire’ end of the spectrum. It seems to me that being able to ‘feel the energy’ in a room does not make you an empath. My definition of being an empath is that you have the ability to see the world through the eyes of another. You may or may not agree with their perspective, but you have the ability to see and understand from their perspective. Just being able to ‘observe and feel the energy’ can be a real opening to tap into the energy and use it for your own benefit.
    Thank you for this thought provoking discussion….now I must think 🙂

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      You are absolutely correct that many energy vampires are incredibly skilled at reading the energy of others for personal gain. I’ve seen this repeatedly. They also use all the “right” words to convince you that they understand you. Their charm and manipulative skills can be extraordinary.

  25. Nik
    3 weeks ago

    I also wanted to know, for some reason, i’m behaving like them and they are becoming spiritual like I used to me. I dont understand whats going on?

  26. Nik
    3 weeks ago

    i’m actually living in a family with energy vampires and am so sick due to their energies and control with their energies, i dont know how to get out this environment being an empath. I’m scared.

  27. Denise
    3 weeks ago

    I think a key distinction for us to make when deciding who is a vampire for us is by asking ourselves if they are they for us as fully as we feel we need to be there for them. I am wrestling with this now with both of my living family members because I don’t want to lose them in my life with so many of my family now deceased.
    I think I might put up with more than I normally would because of that fact but it sometimes takes a very heavy toll on my energy and peace of mind.
    Still not totally clear about the point of balance for me but am working on getting clearer.
    Thanks for the clarity and support! Thanks Dr. Northrup for this topic!

  28. Mimi
    3 weeks ago

    The best way is NO CONTACT.. This was my FB post today! I read this after… Spot on!

    Raw and personal thoughts from the Mind of Mimi

    Removing all the images of an Ex on FB is never easy. It has been a painstaking few days, and FB doesn’t make it easy. Yes, over 700 images of the past three years, gone with the click of a button. Even though my relationship ran its course and I knew it was time to let go for good, the gut wrenching process is still never easy. It should have been done months ago, but bringing oneself to remove so many images of memories that you made over the years seems so brutal. Those closest to me, who road that roller coaster ride, have always been so supportive, even when I would slip and fall back down. For this I say thank you for your true compassion, understanding and love.

    Some would say “Keep them”, they were part of your life but I say No! This on again, off again relationship was not kind on my heart and I need NO reminders of someone who cared very little of my needs, my boundaries or my soul. We have been done for a while, but he had a way of always keeping me at arm’s length. Giving me just enough to keep my heart from completely healing.

    A pattern… A cruel and manipulative “trick” of the true narcissist.

    Now that the “task” is complete I feel a huge sense of relief. A new woman rises from the ashes. Stronger, wiser and finally free. If there is one thing that I can take away from my time with him is this. Never let anyone give you less then you deserve and never spend time with someone who is not willing to give in return what you put in. We are ALL worth it, we ALL deserve it.
    Never settle………….. And most of all… Love yourself!

    M.O.M out……………………..

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      What an incredibly courageous post. You are so right. And this will help so many! Thank you.

    2. Deb
      2 weeks ago

      Thank you for this, Mimi. You are so not alone! You’re strong and smart and your sharing this, like Dr. Northrup has done so brilliantly and courageously and kindly, has been so deeply healing for me that it can barely be expressed in words. Most relevant word: Ahhhhh! I hope and pray you too are healing, going through your process with self care, self compassion, and ease. For a gorgeous work of art and historical coping with this phenomena of narc/nrg vampires, see the movie ‘Phantom Thread,’ if possible.

  29. Laura
    3 weeks ago

    I was in a 9 year relationship with an energy vampire/covert narcissist. I knew there was something wrong with why I was staying with him because of all that I was putting up with. But the love-bombing and the deep connection I felt to him made it very difficult to end it completely. I did journal regularly throughout the relationship and in these journals would share the information I was intuitively receiving, as well as, his outrageous behaviors and how I was trying to find a way to make all of it make sense somehow. What turned the corner for me finally was realizing, that regardless of what he said and how seemingly deeply and tearfully he would state his thoughts and feelings, we were not of the same kind. We did NOT feel the same. We did NOT hold the same values. I believe he did deeply WANT to be like me, but he truly had no desire to do the personal work to get there. It was as if he was living off of my goodness/light in an attempt to cover his selfishness/darkness. When I realized completely and fully what a sham the whole situation was and that he was NEVER going to change or substantially be any different, I was good to go. I was able to go back and read my journals and it was all there. I had stated this over and again. I also had dreams that I had recorded that dealt with him that also pointed to this emotionally devoid state that was him. Additionally, I worked with a shamanic healer and did some soul retrieval work in order to cut energetic ties and bring back parts of myself. I highly recommend this to anyone.

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      I love the part where you said he appeared to be living off of your goodness.,THAT is what narcissistic supply IS! Bravo for getting out!

    2. Claudia
      3 weeks ago

      So, help me with this, my partner has two kids of his previous marriage and they do not like me, they actually hate me. He went on a trip with them and somehow he starts acting wierdly. If my partner says to me, I love you but you really take things to unbelievable dimensiones. When I was just asking him to answer the phone in a educated manner. And after that he says to me, but I always miss you when I am not with you. The first thing makes me so angry and when he says he misses me I start doubting myself, I think “am I really exagerating???”

  30. Marie
    4 weeks ago

    Wow, I recently realized that a woman have been friends with for about 4 years is an energy vampire. She was kind and loving at the beginning and seemed to care a great deal about me. Then she started doing and saying negative things all while claiming to be supportive, breaking promises and never having a good response as to why. I am an INFJ, extremely emphatic and a 9 in Enneagram, which means I am a peacemaker, In the past I have had difficulty standing up for myself with certain people and not knowing why only certain ones. I have started to sever connections with this woman, which is difficult as our social circles are connected. I have decided that I can make new friends and enjoy life without her. I am blessed to have another great friend (these 2 have never met) who understands energy vampires and my husband both of whom are supporting me through my separating from this energy vampire. One interesting thing was when I told her I was leaving her life and why she said that she knew that she was that way! I am not sure she understand to what extent and I am not going to try and find out! I am concerned about a young woman who she is starting to treat the same as she did me, this young woman’s ex-husband is narcissistic. I am not sure she would even listen to a warning. I am starting on a new path of self care and even though I am a very trusting and giving person will be alert for this in the future.

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Clearly you see the pattern. Once you see it, you see it everywhere. Some people are ready to see it. Some have to learn the hard way!

  31. Maggie Toussaint
    4 weeks ago

    One of my readers forwarded this link to me because I have a published mystery wherein the villain is an energy vampire. The inciting premise of Dadgummit came about due to interaction with people who drained my energy. Of course, in none of the real-life accounts is an energy vampire as deadly as my fictional one.

    I am surprised at people’s reactions to the term energy vampire but yet at appearances where I’ve explained the term they are nodding their heads. Invariably, many come up to me and tell me about the energy vamp in their life. So nice that you’ve got an entire book coming out on the subject.

  32. Susan Doughty
    4 weeks ago

    Well done, Christiane. Well done….

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Oh thank you Susan!! Love hearing this from you!

  33. Kylie
    4 weeks ago

    Reading these stories are so heartbreaking. I want to lean into the screen and give you all a big hug and say I see you and I wish you so much happiness for your future. It is so hard but so worth it (I know). Vampires are toxic to your health and soul. Sending you love.

  34. Gina OConnor
    4 weeks ago

    Hi Beautiful Community! Yes I was raised by a energy Vampire, a women who has spent her life ,75 years sucking the life out of everyone she encounters. She’s a sociopath, charming, smart and very likable a master of her traits. As a child, I learned the word
    Filicide, as I thought she would eventually kill me, but she was too cleaver to allow the bruses, the nail marks, thr kicks to my head to show. The emotional and energy brutality was more difficult to take. As adults the three of us have tried to keep her out of our lives, but she continues to try to destroy us. She called Police on my younger brother and said that he had stolen her credit cards, so that she wouldn’t have to pay for gifts she sent to his children. She called his job and said that she witnessed him steal, he lost his corporate position. My older brother who is a well know surgeon has suffered her wrath of brutality when he was young since he is three and five years older than us.
    Last year asking for my forgiveness and pleading to visit under the guise that she found religion and spirituality I allowed her to come to my home. For two weeks, she was the mother that anyone would want, then the roof fell in on us. She called the police on us and said that we were abusive . Growing up with this behavior, I didn’t imagine that she would do this at 75 years old. The police didn’t believe us, even though my husband is a retired Federal officer, and my brothers wrote statements. A charming old woman in distress was more believable… We went though her abuse for 6 months, she would walk by me and tell me that I’m ugly and old, that she heard my husband telling his friend that he was having an affair. Meanwhile we were visiting colleges and filling out applications and trying to protect ourselves from her murdering us in our sleep. She put bleach in a water bottle and ran to try to stop me from drinking it, just enough to let me know what she was up to. Daily,, I prayed and called for spiritual help and on the day we moved our daughter into her dorm she had movers come in and take most of my things, clothes, shoes, jewelry and photographs. I know that these are only possessions, she tried to hurt me by leaving me naked forcing me to fight her, and take her to court. I didn’t I refuse to give her my power. Her maternal attempt to eat her own has come to a final end. We are a happier and healthier family, my brothers and I our closer, my daughter understands how blessed she is and I’m grateful for all of it. She had three children who love others, who care for the environment, who have made a positive impact on society. By surviving her, the world could only become more beautiful!
    Blessings and Love,

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      What an absolutely astounding story. Yes indeed, it can get THiS bad. So glad you finally got free!

  35. Heidi
    4 weeks ago

    Dr. Northrup thanks for shining the light on my my marriage. I am married to a narcissist husband who has begun to brainwash my 13 year old son and is trying to do the same with my 10 year old daughter. When I say brainwash, he is in some indirect manner been turning my kids against me to the point where my son disrespects me and is has hostility toward me. It is so very disheartening to me because we were once so very close. At first I wasn’t sure what happened. But being the empath, HSP that I am I have really began toncoonect to my intuition. I have asked my partner to seek some help but of course there is no accountability and lack of responsibility. I am fighting to get out of this toxic environment but I feel pretty beaten down emotionally and in regards to self esteem. He has use financial exploitation over me to control me and keep me from leaving. I also had a narcissistic mother. Help! Please let me know what type of therapist could help me through this.

    1. Kerrigan
      3 weeks ago

      @ Heidi, I am in the same situation with a husband with BPD (borderline personality), my mom also has BPD (of course) and the children, 9 and 7 are hostile towards me and constantly fighting. It is heart breaking but the thought of their dad getting them 50% of the time without me there frightens me. I am slowly waking up and gaining control, which makes him fight even harder and more crazy. Deep spiritual work and journaling has helped me.

    2. Mary
      3 weeks ago

      This so reminds me of a man I was engaged to and lived with for years and what would have happened if I stayed with him. He proposed to me and then started saying I didn’t fold the towels squarely enough and he couldn’t marry me because of that. There was so much more and I felt I could fix it because it didn’t make sense. I believed the core of him was good. Years later he impregnated someone else and blamed it on me. Destroyed all my belongings when I left and blamed all of it on me. It destroyed me. Get out while you can or at the least get help for you both to work on the marriage. Best to you as you find your own path

    3. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      12 Step meetings can help. And are free. There are an increasing number of therapists who understand character disorders. Check out Also the work of Sandra Brown who wrote Women who Love Psychopaths. Also.. please realize that you are far more powerful than you think you are. Above all, DO NOT try to convince anyone about this person. Change your behavior and get out!’

  36. Claudia
    4 weeks ago

    Thank you so very much for bringing this understanding to light. I have been married to a covert aggressor for over forty years and have practically driven myself out of my mind trying to figure out what I do or don’t do that makes him flip out so unexpectedly. I am a middle child from a family of six children and thereby, keeping peace has always been my MO. Thanks to your passing remark one day in an interview with R.H. I have started to understand. After you mentioned briefly about the difficulty with being married to a narcissist and what a bad idea that was, I researched the term and ultimately read “In Sheep’s Clothing” It was a real eye opener. The information from you in today’s blog is also very helpful. It provides me with some tools and some hope that I may be able to get though this and keep some sort of sanity and self esteem. I don’t really want a divorce after so many years. I have no career other than caring for my children and husband. I realize, on some level, that I keep myself at a point of borderline depression at all times because if I don’t allow myself to live at the joyful level I had always felt, the shorter fall is much less painful when he knocks me down. I know that if I allow myself to be really happy he will find a reason to beat me down. I have learned how to survive at the expense of not really living. I realize that for the first many years I had the love of my parents, five siblings, children and dogs. As these loving supports leave this realm I feel more and more desolate. I am really looking forward to your new book which I ordered yesterday and the accompanying course. Thankyou for all you do for all of us. It is appreciated more than you know.

    1. Lynda Lehmann
      4 weeks ago

      I was also in your situation, and was helped tremendously by reading and understanding the book, “Why Does He Do That – Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men” by author Lundy Bancroft – PRICELESS!!! I was so shocked when I finally had to admit to Myself! about what my experience with him really was – what an eye-opener!!! Do yourself the favour of checking it out and I wish you all the BEST, sister!
      Sending warm hugs to help get you through – there is great love for you here…xox

  37. Bronwyn
    4 weeks ago

    Reading this is reminding me of how far I’ve come! I used to be surrounded by energy vamps… at work, at home, in my family, in my network of close friends… But over time (and thanks to a terrific therapist) I learned how to raise my vibes, nourish my soul and protect my optimism and joy. As a result, the energy vamps sort of dropped away from my life… they couldn’t handle the light I was bringing. Now, I have not a single energy vampire in my orbit. Not one! Your advice is spot on, and I can report that vampire-free living is blissful!

    1. Cathy
      3 weeks ago

      I agree, I have a vampire college/friend, that is terrible. She claims me and jumps unannounced into my room “come, let’s go for a walk”. I have come to dislike her so much. I am two months busy moving backwards, she doesn’t even notice.

  38. Doris
    4 weeks ago

    My mother was an energy vampire who destroyed our family by lying, triangulating, playing favorites and denigrating her children. It was impossible to ever be good enough for her. All my life, I had lived with this creature who would suddenly swoop down on you with a vengeance over something you didn’t even know you had done. I was a high achiever and as as long as I was “winning” she would torment another one of us. There were six of us children, and all of us were damaged by her. One of us was always at the top of her “list” and sad to say, the rest of us would be relieved it wasn’t us. As an adult in my 50s, my husband helped me to realize that I didn’t have to put up with her abuse. I severed all ties with her, my health improved and when she called, my husband told her to leave me alone. When she died, I didn’t go to her funeral. One sister didn’t either; one brother went, but sat with friends. The three children who had clung to her, even though they clearly hated her, now constitute “the family.” The three of us who escaped consider ourselves survivors,

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Thank you SO much for sharing this story. Our culture always tells us that “ you’ll miss your parents when they are gone”. And in some cases. Like yours.. this is simply NOT TRUE. Their departure is a relief. And being told “ but it’s your MOTHER” when you detach. Is just plain invalidating!

  39. Shy77
    4 weeks ago

    I was physically abused 7 weeks after giving birth to our second kid. For some reason he was trying to make everything about himself. The new baby and my attention and love showed to this new addition seemed to make him angry and jealous. It happened a year ago and I can say that I am still healing. I didn’t realize how much I was being manipulated. I use to love myself and set necessary boundaries. But I can say now I’m working on getting back to me. As an empath I have to protect my energy. Thanks for this read. I don’t feel so alone in my journey.

  40. April
    4 weeks ago

    Several times over the years I have been blindsided by close family and friends to whom I have been very kind and generous. The sense of betrayal made me feel devalued as a person. Devastating. Somehow reading this post helped me move forward by realizing how prevalent these “vampires “ are, and that it’s not a personal failure (that I’m not good at relationships). Thanks for your insights!

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Bless you April. Nothing is wrong with you.. or any of us who have suffered from narcissistic abuse! What a relief!

  41. Patricia
    4 weeks ago

    I’m in a 35 year marriage to a narcissist and now that I’ve wakened up and have recovered enough self-esteem to get good therapy, I think of my self as a living example of what NOT to do–ie. keep trying to fix a spouse who is irretrievably broken. If I’d had this much clarity at 35, I know I would have divorced him and perhaps had a chance at a happy life with a man who respected me. I might even have had a child and be looking forward to grandchildren.

    But I was kept off-balance by intermittent verbal and emotional abuse and I stayed. And now I’m 71 and cannot bear the stress and heartbreak of losing my beloved house and being forced to move away from my support network. We live in one of the most expensive areas of the US and I couldn’t keep the house and still have enough to have the kind of life I want, with travel and gardening and books…lots of books.

    So please, please, if you’re in a relationship with one of these broken people, resist the urge to help them and run like hell. And find a therapist who’s experienced in dealing with abuse survivors.

    1. Joanne
      3 weeks ago

      I remember when I was 33 and had the strength to look hard at my insufferable marriage and then project where I would be 10 years from then if I did nothing. That 10 year glimpse into the dreary future if I didn’t act was so intolerable that I took all the steps to get away from him, divorce, go back to school and have a good life. The point I want to get across to you is at that time I remember thinking that I’d rather live in a box (yes, literally that’s what I thought) than stay in that nice house with him. So yes you might be in an expensive nice neighbourhood but is it worth it? Yes you’re 71 and not “young” but you don’t have one foot in the grave either. So maybe think about making your last couple of decades quality ones!

      1. Christiane
        3 weeks ago

        Great advice!!

  42. Anne
    4 weeks ago

    Wow, amazing article I’d heard of this but you articulated this so brilliantly I really got it thanks !

  43. Aubrey
    4 weeks ago

    Ah, yes. An entire side of my family is full of these vampires…who are quick as quick can be to deflect the blame on to others for their own actions…will even blame children and punish them for crimes they themselves committed!
    Took me years to realize this and step away. Once I stepped away, I heard nothing but really terrible things from 3rd parties about myself, my daughter, my chosen friends…the barrage was absolutely insane. I just keep my head high and kept saying ‘ you’ll see, I’m telling you, stay away from these people or they will suck you in to their whirlwind of abuse, lies, manipulation, control, tantrums, etc etc…’
    They’re mad as hell I stepped away… because I have the energy they sooo desire.
    But…my life has improved dramatically since I stepped away. Everything from my relationships, to finances, to my quality of life, to my health and happiness have been much improved since I then.
    In fact, it’s improved so much that I am finally able to work through my heavily abusive childhood and actually solve issues through the use of tapping. I love tapping and it has seriously helped me more in the last year than 10+ years of talk therapy ever did!
    And more and more doors keep opening for me! My intuition is on fire! I only trust my gut and it never steers me wrong.
    I am so grateful for this new shot at life, the life I am meant to have and am worthy of! You’ve definitely had a hand in that, and I truly appreciate you and your work, Dr. Northrup! Thank you!

  44. Lois
    4 weeks ago

    I’ve recently separated from one. Practising the “no”, and re-building myself.
    Days are up and down, and as we have a child together, he will never be completely out of my life.
    I have a good support system, and a good friend that really gets it.
    I moved out of our home 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I knew I would have a long way to go. Now that I’m out, I realize more the extent of this way.

    Realizing he was a narcissist and energy vampire did a great deal in protecting myself – i.e. reading about what I’ve actually been going through, and going through the days with that knowledge. It still hits though, and even if I never forget that this is who he is, he will manage to catch me off guard.

    I am a work in progress, and will get my self back! 🙂

  45. Rebecca Parsons
    4 weeks ago

    Hi Christiane

    Thank you for this post, excellent timing as always 🙂 i work for a narcissist/ energy vampire and he is the hopefully the last of many that i have worked with. I say the last as i believe the reoccuring pattern comes from trying to ‘understand and save’ my father and sister who are both evampires. I’ve realised it, but I’m not sure how to break it as i still feel so much compassion for them all, i know that’s unhealthy but i do. I feel like if they only felt understood and loved at their most vulnerable moments that they would then grow. Then i snap out of it and distance myself as much as i can. What would be your thoughts on this? I’m ready to break the pattern, just not sure how 🙂 🙂 thank you so much!! Much love, Rebecca

    1. Joanne
      3 weeks ago

      I’m betting you have the insight and the tools to continue to protect your energy from your boss, father and sister. In case Christiane doesn’t respond to you, I feel you’re perhaps looking for validation from another compassionate person. For someone to say “Rebecca, you’re ok, you’re doing a good job protecting yourself”. There. I said it. In case Christiane doesn’t respond, hopefully this’ll make you feel validated!

    2. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Check out

      You need help from someone who understands the energetic and addictive aspects of this dynamic. Bottom line. You are NOT to blame but you are responsible for taking care of yourself now. We all are!

  46. Adrienne Gill
    4 weeks ago

    I am so very grateful for you Dr. Christiane Northrop! Your light, beautiful presence in this world and Divine support has got me through my sometimes depressing and scary journey. I am an empath to the highest degree. I have become a massage therapist and board certified Poarity Therapist I have used and continue to use ancient and modern techniques to clear and protect myself and help other sensitive souls. I have 2 brilliant and relentless vampires in my life. My mother and daughter. I use to have 3. My now ex husband which is now living in same condo complex as me with his girlfriend and her children. I’m like really God”. What’s up with this?? My daughter and her boyfriend and my beautiful 9 mo grandson are living with me ( until they can afford their own place) and also my 19 year old Son who is my savings Grace in my life! I have done everything for my daughter to prove to her I love her and to make up for divorcing her daddy and displacing her from her house now I am in financial crisis and am still expected to hold it all together. I am now reading your newest book Making life Easy also Emmanuel Dagher Easy Breezy Prosperity. I surround myself constantly with your emails and blogs and other high vibrating teachers and masters of unconditional love! This is my savings Grace! Thank you for being there and shining the light and showing us the way home. Blessings always. ❤️⭐️

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Watch the miniseries Dr Foster. Illuminating for all healers. And put yourself and your needs FIRST! Eventually this will change the dynamic..clamp the cord on your giving to those who can’t reciprocate. Simple Not even close to easy!!!

  47. Danielle Hendrickson
    4 weeks ago

    You know I love this!! Thank you!

    1. Christiane
      3 weeks ago

      Ah YES!!

  48. Kamla
    4 weeks ago

    I must say how much I love you and your work, thank you. How I have protected myself. I found that learning all I can about NPD and limiting contact has saved my life.

  49. Tricia
    4 weeks ago

    Is it possible to have private conversation with you? Thank you.

  50. Jessica
    4 weeks ago

    I’m an INFJ with and extremely honed sense of empathy. My last relationship was with a narcissist with sociopathic traits. I’m a little over a year of no contact and just finally starting to heal from the 3 year ordeal. In reflection I see that this is not my first intimate relationship with a narcissist, but this is has been a pattern for me.
    Working daily with clearing my energy of others energy and listening to my intuition, even if it doesn’t make sense at first, has been essential to my healing.
    Really great stuff here in this article. I’m so glad to see this topic being openly discussed further and helping empaths gain back their lives.

  51. Nancy
    4 weeks ago

    I was married to an energy vampire for 20 years. I thought I was the problem the whole marriage. Everything was wonderful the first few years. Years later I realized the amount of lies being told. I would wake up after rolling out of bed in the middle of the night half asleep sitting crouched on the floor because I wasn’t sure who I was sleeping with in my own bed. It took me years to finally realize that was my intuition saying that something was wrong.

  52. Ava
    4 weeks ago

    Thank you for this wonderful post, Christine. So timely.
    My sister is a narcissist with an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I recently had a HUGE falling out with her as I am no longer willing to let her drain my energy because she feels empty. It doesn’t even help her and it is a dynamic (with her and others) that contributed to a 7 year chronic illness of mine. The cost of my health is not worth walking on egg shells and paying an ‘energy toll’ to keep the relationship on ok grounds. Either she will do some growing and we can have some sort of a relationship, or not. I am just happy to be free of the toxic dynamic.

    1. Zsazsa
      4 weeks ago

      Ava your story resonates with me my sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder over 12 years ago at my insistence after I read an article that described her to a T. The emotional toll that she has caused our family over the years would take too long to express, I had suffered for years as the empath taking in all her garbage until I sought professional help to allow myself to draw those boundaries with her. It’s ok to let go don’t walk on those eggshells hang in there !

      1. Christiane
        3 weeks ago


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