An Empath’s Best Protection Against Energy Vampires

11 Strategies for Protecting Yourself

by Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Dodging Energy Vampires Relationships

Are you in a relationship with an energy vampire?  Fully 20 percent of all people (male and female) have vampire characteristics or are full-blown Cluster Bs. That’s one in five people!  And, each one of them affects five people.  So, with nearly 60 million people directly or indirectly affected by energy vampires, it is likely that you are in a relationship with one or know someone who is – especially if you are an empath or highly sensitive person.

The energy vampire in your life could be a parent, a colleague or even someone you consider to be a friend. But, unless you have been threatened by an energy vampire, you may not even realize you are dealing with one because they can be very charming when they are love-bombing you. That is until they come after you. 

Soon, you are blindsided with insults, being shamed — for your social status, body size, age, income level, how you talk or where you come from — and even abused. Energy vampires also can become moody and distant, so you walk on eggshells, expending even more of your energy while praising and admiring them just to keep the peace.  This can negatively affect your self-esteem to the point where you believe something is inherently wrong with you.

And, of course, living with the constant stress and low self-esteem created by the energy vampire can lead to chronic inflammation at a cellular level, due to consistently high levels of cortisol running through your body. This, in turn, encourages you to indulge in other behaviors – such as poor dietary choices or even alcohol or drugs – that further increase cellular inflammation and can lead to disease. In fact, many empaths don’t realize that an energy vampire is sucking the life out of them until they become physically ill.

The good news is that the mental health profession and society in general are finally getting up to speed on how these energy suckers work.  There are identifiable personality traits and common manipulation tactics that, when recognized, will “out” an energy vampire.  When you see these qualities, you can learn to protect yourself.

11 Strategies For Protecting Yourself Against Energy Vampires

If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you need to know how to protect yourself. And make no mistake, self-protection should be your primary goal when dealing with energy vampires, especially if the energy vampire is a family member, colleague or close friend and you are not able to limit contact right away.

Here are some strategies to help you protect yourself from energy vampires:

  1. Realize they exist. Most people who are in relationships with energy vampires are empaths.  We empaths believe that everyone is good and often will stay in a toxic relationship too long while making excuses for an energy vampire. We don’t want to admit they are really in it for themselves and lack empathy so they don’t care about you. Ouch!  Realizing that there are some people who are not good will help you protect yourself.
  2. Keep a gut instincts journal. Empaths are highly intuitive. But, after many years with an energy vampire, you can lose the ability to believe what you feel. One way you can start to re-trust your gut is to keep a Gut Instincts Journal. Pay attention to what your gut says about a person. For example, does the person engage in risky behavior or threaten self-injury? Does he or she lie, cheat, or have recurring problems with the law? Then keep track of how situations play out. Even if your vampire is compelling and charming, don’t talk yourself out of your gut instincts about a person. Be sure to pay attention to how they treat ALL of the people they encounter, such as a waitress at your local restaurant, or an entry-level employee.
  3. Find a reality-check friend. Be sure to have a clearheaded and trustworthy contact with “vampire radar” whom you can reach out to when you are feeling uncertain. Often this is a good friend who knows you well and who hasn’t been taken in by your vampire. Call this person whenever you’re feeling unsure about a situation.
  4. Put yourself first. Energy vampires will fight for control. They can also be angry and manipulative, or often passive aggressive. And, they are great at “splitting behaviors” – or pitting one person against the next. When you encounter these qualities, take a step back (or out of the room or building) and remember that you were meant to live a joyful life in which your needs and feelings count too. Then, pledge allegiance to yourself. You can say “I pledge allegiance to myself and to my soul for which I stand. I honor my goodness, my gifts, and my talent. I commit to remaining loyal to myself from this moment forward for all of my days.
  5. Pat yourself on the back regularly. Most empaths give others far too much credit and deflect praise for their own contributions which we tend to downplay. Instead, pat yourself on the back regularly for who you are and for what you do well.  
  6. Say “no.” One of the best ways to protect yourself is to minimize your interactions with a vampire. You can do this by becoming “empowered in the negative.” In other words, learn how to turn people down. Saying “no” takes practice.  And, it’s all about compassion, which as an empath, you have plenty of.  If you find it too difficult to say “no” at first, start by saying, “I’ll get back to you.”  The main thing you need to master is stopping the knee-jerk “yes.”
  7. Get support. When you finally “get it” about energy vampires, you will need support – and not just from your reality-check friend.  A psychotherapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery can be invaluable in these situations. There are also narcissistic abuse recovery groups. If you haven’t completely split from your vampire relationship, find a couples therapist who knows how to deal with character-disordered individuals.
  8. Prioritize quality time with yourself. Take 15-20 minutes per day just for yourself and do something that supports your well-being. You can choose to meditate, take a long luxurious bath, or spend time walking in nature. Visualize all of the negative energy you have mopped up from others draining from your body. Then, use some time to process your own emotions and get back in touch with your center – the real driver of your actions.
  9. Set boundaries. Whether it’s with social media, the news or your everyday relationships, setting boundaries is essential to your overall health and wellbeing (especially as an empath). Limit your screen time, read books that make you happy, and listen to the news in small increments only. And remember, even though you have an impulse to help everyone, you can’t do it all. If a friend wants to complain, vent, or process a recent breakup or loss, let them know you have a little time for them, but set a limit that makes sense for both of you – and then get back to your own life, adding in some extra self-care to help you let go of their energy.
  10. Take inventory of your relationships. The people you spend time with should fill you up, not drain you. If you know someone who sucks your energy just by virtue of their presence, beware. You could be dealing with an energy vampire. Energy vampires often have little conscience or consideration for others – which means you’ll never get the reciprocation that comprises the foundation of other healthy relationships. Steer clear.
  11. Stay grounded in love. As an empath, you are here to anchor the light.  And, the light of an empath is always grounded in love, compassion, and service, not self-sacrifice and martyrdom. When you love yourself first, you stand as the light. This shows energy vampires that you are not available to be their prey. And you make it safer for others to do the same..

For more ways to heal from relationships with energy vampires, get my book Dodging Energy Vampires:An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring your Health and Power.

Have you ever been in a relationship with an energy vampire?  How have you protected yourself?  Please leave your comments below.

Last Updated: May 4, 2022

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., is a visionary pioneer and a leading authority in the field of women’s health and wellness. Recognizing the unity of body, mind, and spirit, she empowers women to trust their inner wisdom, their connection with Source, and their ability to truly flourish.


Add comment
  1. Bex Btts
    1 month ago

    I know my older brother was a psychic vampire but didn’t know he was. He was such a great manipulator that he could have as the saying goes sold ice to a polar bear! I highly suspect my father is one too, but that could just be my negative feelings about the man. One thing I do wonder about is can an energy vampire become a guardian angel when they pass on? I used to occasionally wake up in the dead of night with a black insidious cloud hovering over me trying to take something from me. This was during the most dangerous phase of our family dynamic. My brother had turned physical abuser and was sucking large amounts of my energy as well. However after he passed away, I was very distraught for some time so it took me a long time to notice that I have never again, since he died, woken up in the middle of the night paralyzed with fear! I instinctively know in my soul that whatever primordial being is waiting for us when we pass away decided that because my brother had been unaware of the vampiric damage he was causing, he would become my guardian angel. There have been times in the past 7 years or so that I am sure he was napping when a life altering change happened, but I have never again felt like my soul was in mortal danger. That’s what the dark shadow I used to be terrified of was doing to me. Trying to swallow my soul. Josh is standing in front of me. BTW met up with and went to lunch today with my step-sister. It’s been like around 30 years since we’ve seen each other. It was great.

  2. Margot
    9 months ago

    Love you angel Christine, thank you . You deserve to live the best life ! Love & peace

  3. Lorraine Shelley
    10 months ago

    Yes my brother. what is interesting is I put up a shield and immediately bounce back his negative energy to him, He gets himself more and more angry and starts hurling more and more outrageous insults at me. it really bothers him that I won’t take it on.

  4. Eileen
    11 months ago

    I work with an energy vampire, she also realizes she is doing it. She doesn’t know how to stop and I don’t know how to protect myself. While she is at work I feel drained but about a half hour after she leaves I am fine and full of energy again. How can I stop this from happening?

  5. Ashlee
    2 years ago

    I’m currently dating an energy vampire…they get really jealous anytime I show someone who isn’t them attention…and I do regularly feel drained around them…they even admit to being an energy vampire…and they aparently “get more out of it” with someone they share a bond with…should I be worried?

  6. Diane Junk
    2 years ago

    I found this prayer in a book written by an Astrologer, Isabelle Hickey, titled “It Is ALL Right”. You can find it at the beginning of Chapter XX, page 132. She was given the Robe of Light Prayer by a spiritual teacher in Boston, MA at time of writing. The copyright of the first printing of the book was 1976. I bought the book in July of 1983 and have been saying it ever since. It’s 2022 and I’m 71!

    “I clothe myself with a “Robe of Light” composed of the Love, Power and Wisdom of God, not only for my own protection but so that all who see it or come in contact with it will be drawn to God and be Healed.”

  7. Anonymous jfs msu
    2 years ago

    I am so far drained… been three years now, it began with me feeling like I was doing something g wrong, escalated through long periods of not being able to focus, barely keeping it together at work, constant depression, cigarettes, alcohol… the more love and compassion that I give, the more guilt and “punishment” I seem to get in return. Any time I try to do something I love to do or work on my career I am constantly guilted.

    At this point I am so drained that I am having an extremely difficult time getting my focus back. How do I replenish my store of creativity? How can I get back my wit and enthusiasm? She has taken all of it from me, and I have no choice but to stay close for the sake of my daughter.

    1. Becca Kempton
      1 year ago

      How old is your daughter?

  8. Toni
    2 years ago

    Yea, but still in my case, I have lived with them my whole life not nowing the exist. To day when Im on my knees strugling with them, its more me getting agressive to get the energy I need to pusch through, but in the end that cost more energy. I gett more angry couse they normally are nothing to me but to day things change haha.. It feels like they using me like a walking holy spirit they steal my EMF, and I be like, go to church if you need energy, stop steal mine. One day I will Come out blue and then hell will brake loose!

    1. Hester
      2 years ago

      I have several of them bothering me and truly need help with protection from rhem

      1. Becca Kempton
        1 year ago

        How old is your daughter?

  9. Nancy Rosales
    2 years ago

    Thank you for covering this topic. I’ve been researching “narcissism” recently just to try to figure things out. But for the last 22 years have felt the “silent power” of my energy vampire, my daughter on a constant basis.
    I also, grew up with energy vampires. My dad, mom, and now my brother and my 36 year old son engage in a total smear campaign. My whole family, gone.
    My daughter has always been a Cluster B person. I just never knew. I just can’t take it anymore.
    I, as a recently acknowledged empath, have undergone health obsticles such as diabetes, kidney disease, a brain aneurysm, recovering alcoholic.
    I have been pushed to my limits. I MUST figure this out. Or it’s literally going to kill me.
    It’s my only chance.
    Hope it works…….

  10. DD
    2 years ago

    I was in a relationship with an energy vampire who turned out to be a psychopath! He broke up with me, then 2 weeks later contacted me because he didn’t want there to be any hard feelings between us.
    I met up with him, he was calm and charming and went for a sail on his boat. When we returned to the mooring that’s when he made it clear he wanted to get back together. I told him “no” due to the fact that I found out he was cheating.
    He became angry, threw me across the boat, began to strangle me and punch me in the face! I was held against my will for an hour and he finally let me get off the boat.
    I filed charges but he was allowed to invoke the “Valor Act” as a Veteran. I reached out to my local Senator and with his help, the Valor Act was amended to prevent this from happening to anyone else ever again. It took a long 6 years for justice to be served! I was left with PTSD and have been in therapy which has helped me greatly.
    After reading Dr. Northrup’s book, I now know what to look for when identifying a narcissist/energy vampire.

  11. Carolyn Kessler
    2 years ago

    After growing up with a mother who was a narcissist and mean I had found a way to survive. Born in 1952 I soon learned I was unacceptable and everything I did or said was unacceptable, and by my 5th year I was totally down, searching for a way to earn my mothers love. I loved my Dad, but when he went to work she became a demon. Mum was the word. I was number 3 of 4 children but somehow my mom passed over the others and as she told my husband later, “I needed to remove the rose colored glasses from Carolyn at the age of 5.” Unbelievable.
    The abuse was so degrading that I still cringe to think of it.
    My 1st husband was of course like my mom. Everything was my fault and premeditated. He began molesting our daughter and training her to believe it was my fault. My mom was obsessed with me becoming a failure. I didn’t realize she felt like a failure and was trying to live through me which wasn’t working out for her because I was me.
    After 17 and a half years I met someone who I could talk to and trust. I’m a professional musician (violinist). I finally had some financial freedom getting a job in The US Army Band in Washington DC playing for Presidents Reagan through Pres Bush number 2.
    I have learned I didn’t have to accept the lies and conclusions of the individuals who found no worth in me. Their troubles came from themselves and not me. They never accepted blame for their own actions.
    I want to encourage anyone going through trials from mentally deranged individuals who can’t feel or work through their own pain without causing pain for another person vicariously, that there is hope! I cried out to God and He brought me through it all. Our lives are hid through Christ in God and no one can remove us from Him.

  12. Elaina
    2 years ago

    OH MY GOD, I’M IN ONE!! We have been married 28 years what can I do is there a spell or something?

    1. Taylor
      2 years ago

      I do spells and read tarot cards I’m a white witch who’s also an empath been like that since I was 5 started seeing dead people at the age of 5 that’s how I knew I was different met an energy vampire when I was underaged he manipulated me into sending Nudes he made me think I was just like him since he made my vampire fangs in New Orleans his name is Mavenlore scalzi

  13. Jeremy
    2 years ago

    Hello! 8 years ago I was “Gaslighted” by an extremely dangerous sociopath! I almost took my own life by taking tranquilizers repeatedly and not eating or drinking but for some reason they stopped working…. Up until just this week I was unaware that this was the case and still revisiting things she said and did that had me asking crazy questions…. But that’s just it…. I was supposed to be posing those questions to other people and looking crazy! Anyways it changed the whole dynamic with my parents I don’t trust them anymore after the way they handled it. Wouldn’t you know it after 8 years I start a new job and this quiet little mouse starts flirting and brings me out of hiding ( oh btw I just discovered that I’m a Super Empath) I knew those things about me are irregular but didn’t know they were correlated or that they had a title! Sociopath again! Gaslighting me at work… just turned management against me so I’m quietly allowing her to think she has me and pouncing with a lawyer and psychologist! If it wasn’t for my previous experience I would have already lost my job and would be half way back to crazy and this one didn’t even sleep with me… I believe because I’m Super Empath they can see it and it almost scares them so they keep their distance! This may sound silly but I’m often picturing these battles like Angel vs Demon even though I am not a religious person! I watched both of them tilt their heads and sneer and just shook my head and told myself I didn’t see it… I used to be afraid all of the time and now I fear nothing! I have no doubt I’m here to eliminate as many demons as I can! Be aware for the sheep in their masses are being led to the slaughter, by big tech, and all forms of media!”
    I am the coming of the light and beg darkness try and enter! Shine with me when the time comes forth and we shall prevail over every evil force!”

    1. Taylor
      2 years ago

      Not every Narcissistic person is an energy vampire but I have ran into one in New Orleans stay clear for sure

  14. Cheryl Bailey
    2 years ago

    Love this! I was married to a narcissist for 22 years, which almost killed me! I became an addict and alcoholic just to cope. I didn’t even realize he was a narcissist until he left me! I was convinced I’d die of a broken heart but actually the complete opposite happened and I healed and found myself. I recently cut ties with an aunt who is a total energy vampire.

  15. Lillith Rose
    2 years ago

    Very good article, it took me a minute to find a reading material that didn’t make me feel I was 100 percent to blame, a energy vampire drains their victim, no different than physically beating them, a victim becoming sick and lashing out at the attacker is not uncommon. The difference is one person will be healthy and the other person will obviously become sickly more often than not or hide it. Thank you for caring about actual victims of abuse and helping them remember who they are after the vampire has stolen their good qualities while emotionally beating the life out of the abused. I am dealing with several energy vampires right now that are pointing fingers at me being the negative and toxic one. Standing up for yourself even with crying or shouting doesn’t make you toxic, a real friend will not watch you break, will not know down healthy borders saying “they are trying to make you stronger”, emotionally abusing you until you are hysterical while disguising their abuse as “I’m just trying to help you.” “Why are you so negative, don’t put your drama on me.” False positivity is as bad as apathy and it is very cruel. Energy vampires in my expieriance work together in grounds like good cop bad cop scenarios. I am praying for all the broken people out there. Let us pray and send healing vibes to one another to get our foot out of the animal trap as these vampires even feed off of our dying screams while they suck us dry. A friend once said it best if you catch yourself trying to defend yourself until you are hysterical then they probably werent your friends in the first place. There is a difference between construction criticism and emotionally destroying someone just to “bend them until they break then calling them negative and a drama queen and playing the victim while the destroyed individual gets caught in the game. These people that are cruel normally use sex as a women or connect in some way, this is not real hence why they are called energy vampires. They are life stealing you and projecting what you need back onto you. I pray we all figure our way out of the vicious cycle of false positivity. A real friend will help you, they will not be the reason you are loosing yourself to self hatred for always being laughed at mocked humiliated talked down to, emotionally betrayed, ridiculed and other attacks that hurt as bad as physical abuse and destroy the body, soul, mind and spirit. I can’t stand the holier than thou types and maybe we run into these people to lift ourselves out of the gutter. Don’t just be strong for yourself, think of every person out their being emotionally beaten to death and when you want to cave in remember we are setting a rebellion in place that we will not be stepped on anymore. If a person can’t listen to a healthy no ground to other abuse victims and rise up as a team. Sorry for the long post but I am getting irate seeing just how many people get abused by completely sadistic people and somehow have us warped that we are the energy vampire because we have a basic need to be loved and to give good love. Hurting someone then watching them break then telling them they are a child is not good for anyone. I pity the people that have kids with these types of abusers. I have been told I am stuck by most of these people, they are the one that creates the panic attack and enjoy watching us sob. It’s a game of cat and mouse no pun intended to the point of actual brain death. Bless anyone going through this especially if there are kids in the mix you have my tears and my heart left love. Stay strong in the fight and remember it’s lonely but the best way to win is to not even give them a game they don’t play by any rules anyways. I wanted children with my abuser but my biggest realization is if he is this cruel to me what would he do to the little ones, one of my biggest signs is he disrespects my elderly mom.

  16. Lilith Rose
    2 years ago

    Very good article, it took me a minute to find a reading material that didn’t make me feel I was 100 percent to blame, a energy vampire drains their victim, no different than physically beating them, a victim becoming sick and lashing out at the attacker is not uncommon. The difference is one person will be healthy and the other person will obviously become sickly more often than not or hide it. Thank you for caring about actual victims of abuse and helping them remember who they are after the vampire has stolen their good qualities while emotionally beating the life out of the abused. I am dealing with several energy vampires right now that are pointing fingers at me being the negative and toxic one. Standing up for yourself even with crying or shouting doesn’t make you toxic, a real friend will not watch you break, will not know down healthy borders saying “they are trying to make you stronger”, emotionally abusing you until you are hysterical while disguising their abuse as “I’m just trying to help you.” “Why are you so negative, don’t put your drama on me.” False positivity is as bad as apathy and it is very cruel. Energy vampires in my expieriance work together in grounds like good cop bad cop scenarios. I am praying for all the broken people out there. Let us pray and send healing vibes to one another to get our foot out of the animal trap as these vampires even feed off of our dying screams while they suck us dry. A friend once said it best if you catch yourself trying to defend yourself until you are hysterical then they probably werent your friends in the first place. There is a difference between construction criticism and emotionally destroying someone just to “bend them until they break then calling them negative and a drama queen and playing the victim while the destroyed individual gets caught in the game. These people that are cruel normally use sex as a women or connect in some way, this is not real hence why they are called energy vampires. They are life stealing you and projecting what you need back onto you. I pray we all figure our way out of the vicious cycle of false positivity. A real friend will help you, they will not be the reason you are loosing yourself to self hatred for always being laughed at mocked humiliated talked down to, emotionally betrayed, ridiculed and other attacks that hurt as bad as physical abuse and destroy the body, soul, mind and spirit. I can’t stand the holier than thou types and maybe we run into these people to lift ourselves out of the gutter. Don’t just be strong for yourself, think of every person out their being emotionally beaten to death and when you want to cave in remember we are setting a rebellion in place that we will not be stepped on anymore. If a person can’t listen to a healthy no ground to other abuse victims and rise up as a team. Sorry for the long post but I am getting irate seeing just how many people get abused by completely sadistic people and somehow have us warped that we are the energy vampire because we have a basic need to be loved and to give good love. Hurting someone then watching them break then telling them they are a child is not good for anyone. I pity the people that have kids with these types of abusers. I have been told I am stuck by most of these people, they are the one that creates the panic attack and enjoy watching us sob. It’s a game of cat and mouse no pun intended to the point of actual brain death. Bless anyone going through this especially if there are kids in the mix you have my tears and my heart left love. Stay strong in the fight and remember it’s lonely but the best way to win is to not even give them a game they don’t play by any rules anyways. I wanted children with my abuser but my biggest realization is if he is this cruel to me what would he do to the little ones, one of my biggest signs is he disrespects my elderly mom.

    1. Lillith Rose
      2 years ago

      The truth is if you would never want to watch it being done to someone else then have more mercy for yourself. You don’t deserve this abuse and from my entire soul I am sorry it exists. I am sorry I let people I had truly loved in only so they could destroy my positivity then turn the word positive into a whip to beat me with while they had no intention of a loving connection. People have turned this into a monsters game of taking normal mentally healthy people and then beating the positivity out of them then trying to retrain them like a abused animal with the narcs idea of what “they consider positive” in other words they break us so they can “fix” us when nothing was really wrong with us in the first place, that they take everything from us even try to take claim to our own soul. If you have many people telling you that you are toxic remember the term flying harpies they abuse us in a *ucking team because that’s how strong we actually are. We are not weak people or they wouldn’t continue to hurt us they hate that we are strong because they are the weaker person so they make it their life’s goal to destroy our positive self image.

  17. Mel
    2 years ago

    I am trying to reconnect with myself after 14 years of friendship and 9 years of being in a physical relationship with someone I knew had a history of sex addiction and is a narcissist. He often described needing sex as ‘medicine’ and I felt like i was integral in supporting him with my female energy. Things went horribly adrift due to the pandemic as we were unable tp spend quality time together. I felt the friendship was lost and his focus became using me when he could as ‘medicine ‘. I tried and tried to ask him to be patient and reconnect as a friend and a lover. I realised recently he had started finding other women to sleep with. I had felt trapped a long time and know he was draining me. I have had many aura readings over the years and reiki practitioners have also said I have a turquoise healing energy. I feel like this sex addict was an energy vampire, feeding off of me. I am focusing on reclaiming and replenishing my energy again to help myself and others. If anyone has experienced similar it would be good to hear I am not alone and this is not all in my head.

  18. Thor Frøitland
    3 years ago

    Today, I am 61 years old, my father was an energy vampire. I have a pH.d degree in petroleum engineering, living / working in Houston for 10 years I married an energy vampire, but in an relationships with an ev, you miss the opportunity to realize the problem what an energy vampire does to you, another words is you become blindfolded and realize not what’s going on.
    How I come out of it, what ever I did, it was my fault, so enough was enough, left the bedroom and walked sleeping in the living room by myself, divorced a few months later.
    It was a long ride, starting the recovery process to remove here and others ev cords, after a 3 month stay at a mental hospital, I went back to my home country, continues my recovery process, lessons learned what I left in Houston, continues back in Norway, continues start clearing your life’s for intuitive from ev, isn`t easy, the ev comes after even here, the ev to Norway had tried to shut me down in possibly way, preventing me from recovering.
    Iam an Meyer Briggs INFJ, Intrapersonal Selfsmart, lately 3 months ago, I tested my IQ to 180+, My speciality is math and nuclear physics.
    My situations similar Aleksandr Isayevich Solzhenitsyn, and he was a Russian novelist, philosopher, historian, short story writer, and political prisoner. One of the most famous Soviet dissidents, Solzhenitsyn was an outspoken critic of communism and helped to raise global awareness of political repression in the Soviet Union (USSR), in particular the Gulag system. Solzhenitsyn was arrested by the SMERSH and sentenced to eight years in the Gulag and then internal exile for criticizing Soviet leader Joseph Stalin in a private letter.
    Norway is also a confirmed society under socialism in Scaninavia, lately Norway is known for its horrible child protective services, known for violating ruling under The European Human Rights Court, in Strassbourg, Norway bouts 5,5 millions people but has / had more than 30 cases rounding the Norwegian Child Protective Service, violating international Conventions and Human Rights. The Norwegian Child Protective Services and national court ruling, destroys empathic family living in Norway.
    When I write about energy vampirism to Norway, I express my self through Sigmund Freud works or published papers, what does Dr. Freud says about ev. See my publication in the Facebook Group, Ny Psykiatri, titled “Freud’s Approach towards Anna O”.
    Anna O – Sigmund Freud;
    The therapy of Anna O came to a conclusion when they had worked their way back to a “black snake” hallucination which Pappenheim experienced one night in Ischl when she was at her father’s sickbed.

    Dr. Breuer, Freud`s assistants describes this finish remarks as follows:
    In this way all the hysteria came to an end. The patient herself had made a firm resolution to finish the business on the anniversary of her transfer to the countryside. For that reason, she pursued the “talking cure” with great energy and animation. On the final day she reproduced the anxiety hallucination which was the root of all her illness and in which she could only think and pray in English, helped along by rearranging the room to resemble her father’s sickroom. Immediately thereafter she spoke German and was then free of all the innumerable individual disorders which she had formerly shown.

    Dr. Freud`s works complies to quantify the effect of strategies to improve retention on the proportion of participants retained in randomized trials and to investigate if the effect varied by trial strategy and trial setting, conclusive remarked

    We contacted authors to supplement or confirm data that we had extracted. For retention trials, we recorded data on the method of randomization, type of strategy evaluated, comparator, primary outcome, planned sample size, numbers randomized and numbers retained. We used risk ratios (RR) to evaluate the effectiveness of the addition of strategies to improve retention. We assessed heterogeneity between trials using the Chi2 and I2 statistics. For main trials that hosted retention trials, we extracted data on disease area, intervention, population, healthcare setting, sequence generation and allocation concealment (Sigmund Freud, Anna O).


    The unsatisfactory conclusions which have resulted from this investigation of the disturbances of the sexual life is due to the fact that we as yet know too little concerning the biological processes in which the nature of sexuality consists to form from our isolated examinations a satisfactory theory for the explanation of either the normal or the pathological.“

  19. Tina Dailey
    3 years ago

    I am a physical empathy, my husband is a energy vampire, he drains all the vital energy out of me , we no longer live together , it was unbearable to be around his energy , he is also a covert narrcist, he doesn’t take accountability for nothing cruel , emotional torture that he says an does, at first it was constantly love bombing me , fake charm an playing the role of a saint, that all changed an the real “Jake”(nothis real name (ccame out. There’s no genuine joy happiness or love in the man , constantly blaming me for everything while he plays the role of a saint.

    1. Mel
      2 years ago

      I have experienced similar. I was in a relationship with a man who was having treatment for sex addiction. I really have no idea how I got drawn into a relationship with him for 14 years (the first 4 or 5 were as friends, it progressed when i got tired of him stalking me and I gave in – 9 years as a lover). Thr pandemic made the situation a horrible thing and he started acting out with others and I felt used. He seems to think he ended things with me when in reality I confronted him. I feel now I may start to get my energy back but am annoyed with myself ad find myself missing him. Why????

      1. Sherrilu
        2 years ago

        I also have been in a relationship with an energy vampire and my mother is an energy vampire. It has been through reading books by Dr. Northrup and getting some counselling that I now understand that I don’t have to feel annoyed with myself or feel stupid for allowing myself to be in these situations. I have learned that everyone comes into our lives to teach us something. I have learned a lot about myself and now I am in a wonderful relationship and I have learned how to set boundaries with my mother. Which I absolutely do! It hasn’t been an easy road with my mother since I am in a situation where I am her Power of Attorney. It certainly can be done though and my life is very happy now. Take care.

  20. Crystal Lloyd
    3 years ago

    Can an eempath, energy vampire, healer, psychic be the same person? Has anyone ever encountered. This or am I freak of nature?

    Sincerely, crystal. L

    1. jedi of love
      3 years ago

      What most narcissists/ vamps don’t realize is why they think taking is better than generating your own energy naturally. Most of them go their whole life not caring to take responsibility to want to heal the root of that emptiness they feel rather than be whole after doing inner work and healing mind, body and spirit. In this way they would effectively cure themselves, however this is seldom what occurs as they don’t see the value in it ultimately. This is also why they would prefer the easiest (take/ stealing) path rather than understand the self more fully and fix or heal what will cause others pain and is their needy craving.

    2. Jeremy
      2 years ago

      From what I understand… what you are saying really isn’t possible… I think you need to be a little more true to self and define the actual properties you posses! Empath’s can take on the characteristics of those around them this may be a cause for your confusion and I will be forward with you, if you want to be taken seriously for a minute you should drop the word Psychic from your descriptors… it’s kind of a filthy word … it’s way too broad and people associate it with negativity!

  21. Dede
    3 years ago

    Just came across this article and am quite intrigued by it. Was looking for help because of mt situation which is frankly unhealthy for me. We have been basically a caretaker for my now 90 1/2 year old mom who, although exhibiting symptoms of Dementia, continues to remain for these years somewhat steady symptom wise. She was seriously dependent in her relationship with my father and continues to be with us. She refused from the beginning to try and integrate herself into the community despite being offered numerous opportunities. Loooong story short I am experiencing lots of negative emotions and literally am feeling suffocated. Just looking for coping strategies outside of self medicating. Sad for her, sad for me.

    1. Faith
      3 years ago

      There is a great book that may help you called, “How to Say it To Seniors: Closing the Communication Gap With Our Elders” by David Solie. This may help you to understand the communication needs of your elderly parent as well as understand that seniors have developmental needs that are often misunderstood. Good luck to you and kudos for trying!

  22. Michael Gibson
    3 years ago

    Well all in the same I have either 3 soul vampires or 1 soul vampire that has travelled from my first 2 wives to my fiance that now has it and I have no idea how or what I should do I’m like lost all the time I used to tattoo I used to draw I used to write and play music I have not done 1 of those fully for a good 20 + years now
    And now I’m just getting lost
    No se I dont know what to do
    I find myself crying all the time
    I find myself doubting myself all the time
    I hate myself alot

    1. Michael Gibson
      3 years ago

      And yes I am an empath

      1. Michael Gibson
        3 years ago

        I dont know what I am supposed to do at the moment

        1. Jeremy
          2 years ago

          Run bro…. You cannot stay with a narcissist or sociopath they will drain you dry and keep you there… run for your life as it may even be on the line!

  23. Jasmine
    3 years ago

    Over the last 7 years I have been feeling Almost mental, looking mental acting mental and questioning what is going on with me. I came across the energy vampire thing and have realise this applies to me greatly, it’s a really sick feeling and I feel it daily. My mother also does it I think it’s called a oral sucking aura? ? Correct me if I’m wrong?
    Kind of scary and disgusting to be honest!
    I’ve always been deep into the whole spiritual side of things and used to attend the spiritual festival every year, and spend lots of money some I felt well spent others not. I always questioned it when I left. one time when I attended I received a aura photo! In which it turned out red and yellow.
    I didn’t think too much of it at the time but it didn’t feel right to me.
    Over the years my life fell apart and often I looked back on the psychic readings and though they were wrong also and that it didn’t all fit who I truely was, hoping I could trust these people though I went with it all. It’s like my body deflated my beautiful figure personality and heart was torn from me I can’t really explain it.
    My energy that I once new was changed and my way of thinking was distorted. I literally felt attacked spiritually and fought it for years like picking up pieces of my body over and over off the floor.
    I came across oral sucking and all these other names for auras and people that spiritually attack you basically personally it makes me feel violated and sick. And yes it does happen to me and yes I’ve also experienced ghost sex!
    Now when I look back on those spiritual experiences and aura photos and look up the disgusting meaning of all that they told me I was from reading my “aura” is what made me who I was! Which is why I lost my mind body and soul!
    The meaning for these colours they say are around my body isn’t me at all. And the mess they made of me with there spiritual connection and advice on my life made a mess of me! Destroyed me!
    It makes me realise why I feel as though I’m fighting so hard/felt I feel a sense of relief now I know what done to is to me. I’ve now realised the red the yellow created significant illness I’m 30 now but I was having hip issues after this in my early 20s it writes not on the form you take home when you do your own research! After researching this master
    Manipulation of man kind I was able to heal myself! Be careful letting people play with your energy at all even if you think there genuine!

    1. Sunlit path
      2 years ago

      Right on – ” Be careful letting people play with your energy at all even if you think there genuine!”
      You were seeking answers and healing as so many us are. Good thing your intuition, wisdom and research rescued you. I had a similar experience and now I am very discriminating on who touches my body, be it for acupuncture, massage and of course in intimate relations.It really depends on the the vibration, intention and purity of the practitioner of which not many make the mark without causing some damage. It’s even getting to the point where I have to limit all the kinds of people that I used to associate with based on their vibration and character otherwise I get physically ill. Yes, I am an INFJ too. Also want to highlight, as the other comments below, beware of dabbling in things like aura readings, reiki, tarot, even ”manifesting” via the secret/law of attraction which is so commonplace. It’s a dangerous game. Such activities opens the door up to demons, who are masters at deception and manipulation and get you trapped in unknowingly worshipping false idols, sowing more doubt, fear and misery. Instead break free from all of it, trust yourself before anyone else and put your full faith in God.

  24. Righteous Seed.
    4 years ago


    1. Lenore paone
      3 years ago

      I put on the armour of god ephesians 6 jesus had apostle paul teach us how to fight

  25. Michele Hodges
    4 years ago

    I understand all the tanagible things you can do to distance myself from the energy vampire( mother I live with, shes 89 i am 62) but how can i stop it spiritually, or using non tangible means of piwer. She is very powerful and has been this way all along, its just taken my sister and I years to finally figure this out. And i have tried everything, utube videos ( how to rid energy vampires, music to rid evil eye, negative energy and more, and visulation. This has to stop, i dont wish her any bad just want the pulling of my energy to stop. Ive even tried giving in and said to myself energy can neither be created nor destroyed, therefore i have plenty to share. All of theses things work but only temporary. Im open to any suggestions. Thank you for reading this and i hope to hear back from you soon. I know she knows what shes doing because this is how shes survived all these years, living through first her husband, then children, and grandchildren, and now my sister and i became her catetaker because she made herself helpless(gave up driving, going to church, shopping. She just sits and waits for us to do things for her. Its really a crazy situation. Thanks again.

  26. Kent Burge
    4 years ago

    I have searched my soul for answers to how I have ended up in a marriage with a woman (whom I love dearly) and uses me as her carpet.
    I have just listened to your video about energy vampires and narcissistic abuse. I know I cannot change anyone but myself. So, time to really look at me and try to take some responsibility.
    You have been God sent!!!!!

    1. Joycelynn G
      3 years ago

      I understand and feel your pain. I am an empath and was in an almost 7 year relationship with a narcissist. Whom I loved with my entire being. But once I started understanding and doing my research, I began to challenge them. It got very ugly very quickly. They don’t like for us to be knowledgeable. I knew that my only answer was to leave. It broke my soul. But they had no intention of ever changing or recognizing their own issues. I tried everything from books to therapists. Nothing worked. Leaving was very difficult. But I felt the weight leave almost immediately! I felt so sad. But I could breathe! I still feel my heart race when my phone rings or I get a text. Waiting for the smart comments to follow and the non stop insults of is that my boyfriend from work or what a whore I am. It’s been a year this month. And still my heart flutters just thinking about it. NEVER allow someone that kind of power over you! Never! We are loving incredible human creatures that deserve the respect that we give! I am sending you love and positive energy and hugs. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers that you too find your inner love. Good luck love! Take care of yourself!

      1. Mel
        2 years ago

        I wonder why some of us are drawn to narcissists even though we may kniw that they are? I thought I could to heal them. Instead they suck the life out of you. It’s some sort of co dependency maybe? The man in question with me seemed to always have the most unbelievable luck yet does nothing to help or support others. I don’t get it.

        1. Matthew
          2 years ago

          Its DEFINITELY a codependency issue, i like had a whole extreme obsessive issue over a girl (who i never even dated) because i felt supreme codependency and she fut the bill of a lot of what i was missing at the time. Because of how OPPOSITE we were … but in a way at, still think this to a degree, she had strengths i was terrible at and i had strengths she was terrible at. And we seemingly were aligned in core values (now i realize technically no) and had the SAME sense of humor, talking with her initially was easy and felt like home honestly which i seldom get that feeling.

          Im glad things played out how they did because she dated someone else and in that experience she randomly started ghosting me and stonewalling and gaslighting me.

          But because i was obsessed i was self defeating always accepting blame for how shed treat me trying to solve a percieved issue that she was actually making impossible to solve cuz shes an energy vampire who craves drama and shit. (In a way with my sutuation ive also been catering to more dramatic shit myself which im not proud of so i wont act like above the issue. But im naturally not into talking about people i talk ideas and solutions… i continue talking uf people dont look to solve things and are constantly problematic… but even then its not to gossip of them its to discuss perspective on issues)

          But the WHOLE time i knew she was a narcissist cuz throughout the year and a half of questions and convos id have for her she made a lot of selfish remarks and again we are COMPLETELY opposite. And im overly altruistic to a fault that i can often neglect self care or my own needs to help people.

          In my mjnd i thought fostering a relationship with someone who seemed not too narcissistic at the time and she did seem caring, we could help moderate each other and i thought at one point she was as passionate in liking me as a person as i was her cuz shed reflect the energy id give real well early on.

          All this to say i severely still have codependency issues because my parents have been neglecting to help me start in life and left me w student debt and lacking life experience on top of no family to reach out to cuz my dads side theres a language barrier and family dysfunction. Moms sides dysfunctional. And parents are newly divorced and thats a seperate bag of worms. I was a pawn on my moms chess board on her trying to manipulate my dad and i had no say unless i wanted to be homeless.

          So my codependency is from abandonment and fear of it, that i felt from my parents and in lacking having ANYONE for support in life currently. So that girl sadly became overly glorified in my head … but whats crazy is

          I promise i still think if she didnt have the passive aggressive issue and she was attracted to me as i was her. And the counterfeit version of her was the authentic her. That would be a great relationship based on how we were when things were well. I actually hope to find a dynamic like that. Because i do think i dont want someone who’s like me much cuz theres more to learn from someone different. Plus if im raising kids i dont need someone with the same faults i want those i raise to have as much resources to navigate what they wanna be in this world. Its idealistic but i think its good to be considerate of that road of having children. Its when people arent u have dysfunction and kids suffer from trauma and shit.

          I shouldve known she was an energy vampire cuz anyone that says “they only can be around positive people” … to me thats the clearest sign. Like she often says she can be there and listen to people but shes no ones therapist, and like every time a persons negative shes so quick to retreat and supply herself with upbeat people and almost treat people with issues with a grade of contempt. She just does good not saying it to peoples face cuz of the passive aggressive shit.

          But thats it

          Sorry for All of the tangents sorry lol

  27. Sumal
    4 years ago

    Great read. Thank you. Much love.

  28. Martina Grganic
    4 years ago

    I tried receiving ‘reiki energy’ from videos on youtube on how to get rid yourself of energy vampires

  29. Shaheen Sadiqa
    4 years ago

    My mother is a widow. M her only daughter. She is one.

  30. Bella
    5 years ago

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve read your book about Empaths and still I didn’t want to believe people could truly be energy vampires. The trickiest part of EV in my life is that they have come so well disguised – as self proclaimed “spiritually gifted” healers and by outward appearances kindhearted people – that it’s taken many years to untangle from the invasiveness and deep hurt. First there’s my mom, who is a born again christian and tried to forcibly convert me and otherwise pray over me without asking, etc. throughout childhood. Now in my 50s, and many therapy sessions later I finally found forgiveness and light, my own spiritual path, and even have a decent relationship with mom. But just when I thought all was well in my world along comes a sister-in-law who has the entire family (on my husband’s side) convinced that she is some kind of spiritual guru who can see dead people, read people’s pasts, futures, and — the worst offense to me — give unwanted “healing” touch instead of a simple hello or goodbye hug (that is, she hones in on a chakra and starts rubbing way too long and way too deep). It feels like a violation of my body, my space, and like a true sucking of energy instead of the “gift” she would probably claim it to be. At the same time when she asks about my creative life she is extremely condescending, judgmental and presumptuous, she badmouths people, gossips and I am sure gossips about me and my endeavors to the entire family (as my mother used to).. she triggers the horror all over again of growing up with narcissistic, emotionally damaged mom and domineering/violent dad so thoroughly that I don’t realize what’s happening until I walk away and can gather my thoughts. I wish I didn’t care, that I could just toughen up and tell her off. But she’s rallied the entire family, who think she has some special “gift.” Only my husband and I (who have done extensive therapy and spiritual work) see her for who she is. Now she and her family want to come visit out home, and I can tell she just wants to get further into my business, to “heal” whatever she thinks is wrong with me and our family (we are healthy, well off and content). It feels so threatening to have her near me that I recognize it’s not rational of me, and that it’s triggering something very old. In the meantime I still want to say no to the visit without making future family gatherings super awkward. Ultimately I choose to see the situation as a call from my higher being to take better care of myself, to know I am protected by my spiritual guides (living and otherwise) and to ask for help from trusted sources. Thank you.

    1. Sha
      4 years ago

      Hey, may I use part of of your comment, I’m creating a page to bring awareness to and from empaths, also coming up with a line of clothing and products to embrace balanced empaths and healers but also bring awareness and help people overcome it. I agree with you, I have been a victim of energy vampires. People pretending to help me to make me better. But just using me emotionally, financially and physically bringing me into their problems. It sucks because the simple fact that I actually genuinely care, I always try to bring peace positivity and love wherever I go and who ever I am around, that’s just how I was raised, its what I am built on, Its truly WHO I AM . Don’t get me wrong even though the vampires have done much damage to my mental health, they have helped me realize my potential and how strong I am to not only put up with it but acknowledge it and over come it.

    2. Cilica
      4 years ago

      I hope you didn’t allow her to come and visit. She will have a hold on your home space, home energy, and get into you more. She may even attach herself to you, which as you know is extremely challenging to remove on your own. A reiki master will have to do this. SO pleased you saw through her and guard yourself. Use a transparent healing barrier to protect yourself and your husband from her. Good luck.

  31. Kathryn
    5 years ago

    Dear Christiane
    Thank you for your article. I have known for a long time that there was something up with my father. Unfortunately in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king. I had reoccurring nightmares as a young child of being pursued and chased by an ugly man and by vampires. Fortunately I also had dreams of flying until one day they stopped. The feelings of being controlled and dominated went away in my 20s as I left home early and started my own single life. Unfortunately when I had my own children my father began the right to control cycle all over again to the point that I felt like a horcrux and Munchs Painting “The scream” with his ego centric behaviour and controlling authorative style. ( For example he keeps files on people, goes through your bin and his way of dealing with things you say or do is to back you into a corner rather than understanding/accepting we have a right to choice, to our own opinions, to our own feelings and to our own WILL) .
    Generally I deal with reocurrences of guilt with the mantra I just cannot help him. I feel that he has no understanding of where he ends and another person starts. Both my parents have an enormous blind spot in that they are limited in relating to the other. They were both only children from the same very small street in the same very small town.
    Anyway my father can be Lord of his life but he has no right to be Lord of mine. And my mother can enable his behaviour but she does not stand in the right space and they have a very symbiotic relationship which I think she feels that I should be a part of.
    Other times I just looked at my partner who fortunately gets it and I just have to shake my head and my hands and say “He is a monumental waste of my time”.
    The last time he wrote to me was entirely in upper case with no punctuation. The sentence Can we meet up had no question mark to which I responded Can we meet up is a question not a directive an requires a question mark. The answer is no and I am not yet confident that you are ready to accept or understand that I have a right to feelings that may or may not be different from yours.
    His response then is to track down my partners work and start ringing up his boss as what I can only presume is some sort of a bizarre recruitment drive. Or he tries to get information about my children from their schools.
    Whilst I am very happy not being involved in his life and having him anywhere near mine , other times I do say to myself that there must be a reason I was born to him and often the fruits of an existence and the people you meet come to fruition in later incarnations.

  32. Suzy
    5 years ago

    I am 77, oldest of my mum’s 12 pregnancy’s : in 1953, at age ll, I was diagnosis with Lupus: which end up from the meds a perforated bleeding ulcer: which destroyed 2/3 of my stomach. I did pass on and came back, and was sent home to die. You are right in every thing you shared. Not until now could I belive a father would be so selfish, put so much on his children., could be such energy vampire. I am now grieveing a lost of a unhealthy belief. Love can’nt heal every thing, others need to do that for their self, if they choose. Thank you for wake up call. I no longer seek my family of origin, to save them

  33. Patricia
    5 years ago

    This is the first time I have acknowledged it. My 2nd son is an Energy Vampire. So painful to say this because he can also be sweet, kind, loving, thoughtful and generous. The problem is a hair-trigger temper, foul language when things go wrong, and an inability to discuss rationally and calmly. He has no filter so the lousy talk in his head spews out of his mouth in anger and frustration when things don’t go the way he wants them to. He is loyal to a fault with his friends and expects but does not always get it back. He threatened suicide more than once and actually fired a saw off shotgun into the air instead of into his head (thank God) when he was told that a girl he dating had become pregnant. He was 19. He has had a drinking problem and has taken drugs. I have made the huge mistake of feeling guilty about divorcing his father ( an Alcoholic) and moving him across the world. I have not stood up for myself with him and invested money unwisely, as a result, I now have lost my home, bank balance and self-esteem. I am a virtual hermit for lack of finances. He has had many relationships. I now have 5 grandchildren from 4 mothers. the youngest is 2 months old the oldest is 23, all are beautiful talented people. I love this new babe and his mother she is a wonderful woman. I know she is having a hard time with my son. He is very happy with her, more than I have ever seen and adores the baby and yet the vampire still bares his fangs. I am doing my best to let her know I see what is going on and for her to stop it before it becomes the norm. I regret terribly that I contributed to his horrible behaviour pattern and I am so angry and resentful and guilty that I allowed my home and finances to get into such a woeful state. She is a pleaser and adores him. She has put her foot down a few time with my encouragement. I want to help her and support her in any way I can because I have seen this manipulation by anger, manipulation and imposing guilt. ( Never physical violence.) There is no doubt they love each other, she would go to therapy but so far he has refused and it is him that needs it. 46yrs old and still doesn’t get it. He is desperate to have a home and family with her but seems oblivious to the damage he is causing during these bouts. I love him dearly and recently he has started saying ‘ Love you, Mum”. so I guess that’s something. This is a man who will walk across the road to buy a pack of cigarettes and coffee for a homeless person, take care of a quadriplegic child for months and administer CPR to a dead child for 30 minutes so the paramedics could be the ones to tell the mother her child had expired. There is so much to love in this man and yet the Vampire has to leave for there to be any hope of a happy future for their family.

    1. Annie
      2 months ago

      He’s a communal narcissist. I know, I married one. Will do great things to help others, but treats family members like dirt. Very hard to spot at times.

  34. Patricia Griffin
    5 years ago

    Thank your your article on energy vampires because I allowed myself to be subjected for 2 1/2 years thinking this man would change.
    I felt I was to blame for everything that was wrong with our relationship. I stuck for myself or so I thought but it has taken a toll on me! Now he is gone much to my relief. I will think twice
    about becoming involved with anyone else for a long time! Im angry with him a d myself.

    1. Angela
      4 years ago

      Sorry to hear that. I’m just out of the same situation a couple of days, he was totally poisonous.

  35. gail
    5 years ago

    Thank you Dr Northrop for your wisdom and insights into “EV’s/Narcissistic behaviour. I can relate to ALL of it. It took over a decade to finally wake up to the reality of my situation in dealing with the ‘stuff’ from a controlling husband. Confusion reigned all the way through…he would say one thing, and in the next breath deny it and accuse me of imagining things. I began to question my memory, and doubt myself. Worst of all – I lost ME – the person I used to be and was resigned to becoming a zombie merely to avoid confrontation in the home and to keep the peace. His description of me eventually began to amuse me because I could see clearly he was actually describing himself, and didn’t know it. It took one nasty confrontation to send me online to try and figure out what the hell I was dealing with? I found a you tube video re Narcissists and the light bulb flashed.

    That was 5yrs ago now and the tables have turned. I’ve learned how to manage living under the same roof completely separate from him. Trapped financially, but still looking for ways to get out even though things are running smoothly these days. An offer from a friend to house sit for 3 months while she visited o/seas was the turning point in 2014. I returned home after that time and took a deep breath and told him I was no longer afraid of him, I was not going to put up with his intimidation and bullying any more and that I didn’t have to live in the house as I had other places to stay (that last statement was pure BLUFF!!) He was stunned. It wasn’t easy to stick to that newly discovered inner strength, but I knew I had to or I would lose all that I’d regained within myself.

    Ignoring him drives him insane and he is then forced to be nice to me to get my attention.
    He hates that since the house sitting began (and has grown outa sight by word of mouth since) I am making many new friends. He has none!! He has learned that he needs me more than I need him and is now afraid that I actually will leave and he will be alone. There are many other little things that have changed since standing my ground and I will never allow myself to be drained of spirit by someone ever again.

    I sincerely hope that others stuck in a marriage with this type find their own way of dealing with it. Never engage or indulge with those egotistical energy suckers…ignoring and not responding to the jibes, attention seeking worked for me. Act as though you don’t care…be emotionally distant and he is likely to come crawling when he realises you might be his only ‘friend’ (this may not work with a younger man, but we are 70plus so his chances of finding another woman to tolerate him are greatly lessened.) Not to mention also that his health is failing now too and mine is just great, so I’m lucky in that.

    1. Christiane Northruo
      5 years ago

      Bravo, bravo, bravo! Your description of your situation and how you’ve handled it are so well done and inspiring.

      1. Stephen
        4 years ago

        Dear Dr.,
        I have just learned of empath and vampires and at 56. My beat up pathetic life isn’t anymore. You see, I am an incredibly strong empath All types and vampires have been my world from family, wife(ex), employers. Even several pastors. They are everywhere. I was always a positive person yet mostly in negative situation. I have ran and hid so many times through the uears my powers have grown and Ive tried to ignore, tell.myself im crazy and used drink and drugs to mask tbe dreams and be as stupid as they are. But that did not last long. Thank god for your article because my powers have pushed beyond the normalcy of social communication. It took a while but i live hidden with drug addict which took a while but someone said love cant fix everything and she is wrong. I became so vulnerable. And allowed the vamps thier way. Depleted Several times they now protect me knowing im good and in control When vamp behavior happens as it does often i can ignore it totally.bjt now ive become way stronger and cannot.control it hence running into your article. I need a real trainer. All empathic types are equal and
        And.can be used together. But i cannot control. Its making life
        Difficult . very difficult.

  36. Gina
    5 years ago

    First off thanks for your blogs!!!!
    I am 62 years young and am loving my 6 year status as a newlywed. Ben is 6 years younger and his teen sons are 14&15. My 2 sons are 35 and 33. My older son has a 13 yr old step daughter and two bio daughters 4 and 1. I was married 27 years to a huge energy vampire. I recognized that he was a combination of both my parents and although I went through the depths of hell with him….I embraced the choice to stay with him as we raised our sons. I knew I was working out issues of my own childhood by absorbing both my sons sense of wonder. My parents have never met my sons or grandchildren. My vampire mother died 2000 and my father found a wonderful woman and married her 2004. She brings out the best in him and I have forgiven him his discretions but thankfully he’s on east coast and I’m N Idaho.
    I left my first husband 2009 and have only allowed goodness into my circle. Although, I 2nd guess why did I choose to raise teen boys again (their mom is in pict) I am sure that I’m working out how to co parent properly.
    I could go on and on but I just wanted to comment for your readers how right you are!

    1. Christiane Northrup
      5 years ago

      What a great comment!! Thanks so much. And.. well done!!

  37. Junietta Reidhead
    5 years ago

    I learned about energy vampires over a year ago from Dr. Northrup”s wonderful book “Dodging Energy Vampires” and knew that I had to get out of my 23 year marriage or my auto immune disease would never get better. However, at the same time my husband became very ill and now, one year later I am still in the relationship and fighting for my sanity. His condition went undiagnosed for over a year, but in a month he will have major surgery. I could not leave him in the very sad condition that he is in and now he and his family expect me to do everything for him. I am 72 years old and have been crying for a very long time now. I feel like an animal trapped in a “have a heart” cage. Thank you Dr. Northrop for opening my eyes to my situation and at least giving me courage to stand up for myself.

  38. Oh goodness yes, my younger daughter. Sweet child, overly sensitive youngster, depressed age 6, self absorbed, turned into Mr. Hyde age 14. I survived via therapy, AlAnon, loving husband and friends. She did 5 years Army, then college and law school, came back to me 2011. After 7 difficult years I put her out September 2018. Protective mechanism to block her nagative energy helps as well as firm boundaries. She is 36 now, 2400 miles away and I limit contact.

  39. Donna
    5 years ago

    When your energy vampire is your mother and your dad has finally moved in with your sister because she is literally sucking the life out of him(he has transfusion dependent anemia) and now she is my problem…what can I do??? She has always been this way but is definitely getting worse as she ages. So emotionally abusive to the people who have stuck by her and cared for her, including my Dad, my sister, my husband and even my kids. She is too toxic to live with us and she is furious with my Dad for having failing health. I’m a physician and the mother of 5 kids so I’m very happy to care for others but she is exhausting and I don’t know how I am going to handle this longterm. Any advice????

    1. Jo
      5 years ago

      Is it possible to put her in a nice living facility?

  40. Reva
    5 years ago

    I’m the reality check for a friend who is severing a relationship with one. I find myself learning how to detach from the emotions and energies of her conversations as she works slowly to disengage from the vampire.

  41. Fran
    6 years ago

    Not all energy vampires are abusive in the ways articles describe. Half of your description is just off. I know. I’m an empath and I am the caregiver for an energy vampire, my mother. She has Parkinson’s and early onset dementia. So she can’t remember that I’ve asked her not to come to my room to tell me what she saw on the news, or not to call me to tell me about something funny she saw on TV, or to not call on me after a certain hour to record some program she wants to watch later on because she’s intruding in my me time, not to call me unless it’s something important that she needs help with. key word important, like about health or food or medicine. No matter how many times I ask, she always forgets and calls me in the middle of my errand or whatever I’m doing so that I can watch some stupid show or person on TV or so that I can see that this celebrity is doing this or that. She can’t live with any of my other family members because they’ve already ended up sick. Heck, one of my sisters is also an energy vampire and doesn’t know it. Put the two of them together and they both start to feel sick. Can’t just put her in a nursing home. We can’t afford it. Besides, now I understand why there is abuse in those places. I’m sure many of them don’t realize why they get upset at those old cantankerous old folks. I know what I’m dealing with and it’s still hard on me. Half the people that teach and talk about staying away from energy vampires have no clue what to do when you have no choice but to take care of one. Being an empath sucks. You feel everything. I know when she’s upset and that’s hard to block. All my life I’ve stayed away from such people, and here the universe puts one right in my home. Maybe an empaths job is to learn to live close to them, not to run away.

    1. Mallison
      5 years ago

      Whoa! I hope that you have gotten support for your struggle with this.

    2. Cindy
      5 years ago

      Fran, ignoring your requests *is* abuse. Your mother’s draining behaviour is (from what you’ve said) coming from her illness, though. Unless she was always self-absorbed, and she’s just gotten worse with the onset of dementia… When we’ve been raised by narcissists, we have a higher level of tolerance for abuse than people who were taught (and allowed to have) healthy boundaries. I didn’t even know what boundaries were until a few years ago, and I’m almost sixty. I was the scapegoat in our family, and have been carrying their projected stuff my whole life – and I was always sick too. Now I’m clearing it, and I can’t believe how much I have attached to me. Beverly Engel mentions negative introjects in her book, Healing Your Emotional Self, and that was the hidden piece of the puzzle for me, as I’ve been working on healing myself for decades and there was that one thing that eluded me.

      I feel for you… Staying true to yourself as much as you can, even when your mother is acting out, is a great thing.

    3. Heidi
      5 years ago

      Maybe. Depends on what one means by energy vampire. I’ve been close to a few so vicious I’d put them anyplace else rather than deal with them. Why? Cause it’s necessary for my health and also, when they have to deal nicer,these chameleons will. They will survive. I suspect you are not a real empath and she isn’t a real vampire – she’s a sick and demented old woman who needs your help. You don’t mention a thing about abuse on her part – that’s the piece missing here. Get some respite care for yourself and take a break.

      1. Angela Holland
        5 years ago

        How does one determine if they are a “real empath”?

    4. Robbie Rember
      5 years ago

      Perhaps you can turn your phone off? Can you hire someone once a week (or ask a friend to stay with your mom? Take a walk or exercise without your phone. No phones in yoga class! Good luck!

    5. Jo
      5 years ago

      Hi Fran,

      Recently, I’ve started looking into taking classes to develop my abilities as an empath like Reiki and spiritual counseling and other light work. Maybe a friend or caregiver could watch your mother while you take some time for yourself outside of your home. I’ve also started energy clearing practices in my home with salt lamps, essential oils, lemons, music, houseplants, sage brushing, healing Crystal’s as jewelry to protect me from energy vampires like my mom, etc. I hope you find help too.

    6. l
      3 years ago

      Good post. Identifying a EV is key. Learning to respond not react. AND stop feeling sorry for them and start focusing on things that keep you happy. EV are emotionally lazy/ broken ppl regardless of age.

  42. Michelle
    6 years ago

    I just purchased the audio book – thank you so much for providing this format! I was married to an Energy Vampire – and now I have to co-parent two children with him until they are at least 18 – still have 11 years to go, and some people say you are never done with your children’s other parent, because even after they are 18 you still have to see them at social events for the children, etc. My ex-husband was abusive both verbally and physically. And a huge gas-lighter. Made me question myself for sure. It took a huge amount of strength and a lot of money to get away from him and divorce him after 13 years of marriage and two kids. Thank God I had the support of my family and friends, who never suspected this was going on until I told them. He was very charismatic, and everybody “loved” him. He still is abusive whenever he gets a chance – when we have to exchange kids. I sometimes let my guard down, but after a recent incident, I realize I must always be vigilant and take steps to protect myself – always meeting in a public place, always communicating via text, not phone calls. I am actually looking into this Family Wizard program to see if that will help. We have been divorced for four years now, and he has not let up. He has rage inside of him toward me that is very scary. On a somewhat lighter note, I have also recently called it off with a guy who I was seeing who I really liked – handsome and charismatic, exciting, so much in common with me, truly charming, but who does not want a “relationship.” He continues to contact me but offers me less and less – he used to take me out on fun and exciting dates, but now he only calls me for companionship and sex. It has been going on for about 2 years now. I realize that since I want honesty and a true companion who will love me and cherish me for who I am, who will lift me up instead of draining my energy and using me for attention and sex, this is not the guy for me, even though I want to believe he will one day see how special I am. I want to believe he is a good person, but deep down I know he is flawed for whatever reason. He has a hole where his heart should be. I don’t think he is malicious, but I am not sure sometimes. He is very manipulative and definitely shows some narcissistic behaviors. At any rate, I have called it quits with him and have blocked him on my phone and on social media. I am ready for healing. I want to be honest with myself and as you describe, pledge allegiance to myself and my soul. Thank you for writing this book! I don’t like to focus on the negative, but I am looking forward to learning to recognize and protect my empath self from this type of person.

    1. Rae
      6 years ago

      Read Jeff Foster books. Very healing. Love yourself first.

    2. Efraim
      5 years ago

      Good for you! I’m so proud of you even though I don’t know you. You should give yourself a huge pat on the back for recognizing this and then stopping what many people experience as a continuous cycle that never ends. Your story is inspiring for many. It took me many years to develop what I call my “zero tolerance” policy, and sometimes I catch myself giving in. It’s not about how long it takes to get there, but that you got there. Once all of us are there, the vibration of the human race can finally ascend to lighter and higher vibrations, which is what the universe wants for humanity. The key is to be patient and kind to each other, and not give up hope, faith, and trust in whatever your higher power is to you, and in each other. We are connected on a cellular level, so we are only as strong as our weakest link. Never give up! Thanks for sharing your story and thank you Dr Northrup for posting this at a critical time when I needed a reminder. My guides never steer me wrong and I highly respect your work.

  43. Nancy McIntyre
    6 years ago

    I so appreciate the little bit of your webinar that I heard today – I didn’t get a chance to ask a question and I’m wondering if I might post my question now? It has to do with our wonderful 83-year old mother who has entered a new phase of life filled with cognitive challenges and big memory problems, plus she lost her husband recently and due to anxiety/memory had to move to assisted living. Through all of the difficulties she’s experiencing and life challenges and changes – she’s become extremely needy and very much an energy vampire to her children and some grandchildren. My main question is – how do we deal with an energy vampire that can’t remember – why she’s not living at home any longer and why she can’t drive, etc. Thank you for the light you shine in the darker areas of our world!

  44. D
    6 years ago

    I am married to one for 41 years now and have dozens of health issues…. so what am I supposed to do divorce him now? I realize it is mostly him and that he has been sucking the life out of me for years now but again do you need to divorce or as your book seems to state- have not read yet- you can learn to protect yourself from this? I have been surrounded by these people from min born. My mother huge one, then my husband, and multiple people in my life.I have disconnected or stopped being with most of them, but how do you drop your mother or husband? Please advise, aged beyond my age and dying with health issue, thank you D

    1. I am in the same situation. You must get out to save yourself. I sit here today packing my life up with no job, no family, no emotional support but my faith. I have been seriously ill for three years and still not well. I will never get well staying here. The shame of being in this is humiliating….he will not leave because he is using my love and kindnesses to thrive. I am in my sixties. Age has nothing to do with the arrival of the truth! They are hoping you will remain: unconscious, compromised, living a delusion . Is this going to hard? Every minute; however, I can’t stand in this any longer or else I am already dead.

      1. Melissa
        6 years ago

        Your courage will not go unrewarded. The hardest steps we must take in life reap us the most benefits in the end. You are not alone. I also lack family and it is very very difficult for me to consider leaving a man who has been my rock but actually is the hammer swinging down on my head if I allow him to do so. He has strangely been an amazing teaching tool and after a lifetime of being surrounded by narcissists, from my mother to my bosses to my intimate relationships, I am learning finally to say No More. I am setting my boundaries and he is not liking it very much. It wouldn’t surprise me if he leaves me when all is said and done. My mom used to put salt in the doorways of her house to keep the evil spirits at bay, instead, now I am just saying NO.

        1. SuzanneLW
          6 years ago

          Leaving him at this time of my life is simply unbelievable to me, but that’s what I’m doing. Thanks all for sharing. Amelia I’d love to know how you’re doing now. I’m in the same situation — no family, not one single friend (and I had a few good friends when I married him). I was gainfully employed, strong then, with lots of energy to spare for those I loved — there were so many then. I drew strength from them because they honestly cared for me, cuz we could laugh at life’s absurdities and move on.

          I’ve never understood what happened to me, when I started to lose my vitality, youth and the all-important faith and hope I once had for us. I’ve worked to connect with him, but it did me no good, he did not care about anyone but himself. I read much/did much to change myself to save “our” marriage. Now I know it was only ever my marriage, not his and not something we shared. But those changes weren’t for nothing. I have no hope to find new friends or a male companion. I have hope for nothing. At 60, I’m in physical pain daily, from stomach craps to back aches to blinding headaches and endless noise in my head (tinnitus). Yes I’m living a crappy empty life right now, my hope though is this ending will lead me to renewal — a chance to know me again and to relax at peace just once more having left him in the dust and smoke he creates to stoke his need for the drama that relieves his endless boredom and loneliness. My one wish: I do wish I had a friend or two to help when the going gets tough. Leaving is much easier than what’s ahead of me but that’s still better than living daily with his selfish dramas, telling me who I am, telling me what I “really” think and all the rest of the bullsh. Still I say, God help me please. Let this not be reality, let my views be distorted and maybe there’s a pill a could take to get over the enervating pill I stupidly married.

          1. Dalyla
            5 years ago

            Learning what you did was worth all the work. Never be afraid to be alone, to be with yourself is a blessing. You can always meet someone, it is never too late. I met a man at 75, but I see that he needs way too much involvement than I do, too much attention and I am wondering that maybe he is a nice vampire. I am listening to myself and setting boundaries. I am thankful I live in a
            different country and see him only when I visit, but I am making changes about how much I will see him. I realize how wonderful it is to be by myself. One has to take care of oneself even with friends and family. Everyone seems to have their own agenda. We need to practice awareness and become able to take care of ourselves in a healthy way.

          2. Dee
            5 years ago

            SuzanneLW, Wow… I could have written both Amelia and your comments myself. I am also in my sixties and I wonder how she’s doing and you too. I know each other’s support and knowledge can be invaluable in these situations where we are so alone in the world. Do you know if there is another way that we can exchange emails? I have no interest in facebook, but find it frustrating knowing we are out there, but can’t really connect.

          3. Michelle
            5 years ago

            Hang in their ladies, removing yourselves from abusive people will only create a beautiful new journey for your life. Take time out and get to know yourselves and dedicated your life to creating a blueprint of a fun and laughter in your new life.
            Be excited and tried not to dwell on the madness in others ppl’s behavior. See the light in you..blessing and peace

      2. Susan Kranyik
        5 years ago

        I really hope that you are doing well now. xoxoxo

      3. Elise
        5 years ago

        Love you. Your words hit me like a slegehammer. I was seeking g the words and the phrases. You are more free than you know. By the way take as much money as you can and once settled into a place go out abd have all the things gs that make you feel good and pretty. Such as facials massage and a short holiday then buy tons of healthy organic food. Well done. Please write some more. ElyseAnne.

      4. Nicole love
        4 years ago

        Hi Amelia, I’m in the same situation and just recently I have realized that he is an energy vampire and for many years I though I was the problem and had those crazy mental issues but come to find out he is the one who has those issues. He took all his faults and made them mine.. if that makes any sense.
        Lately, I have been protecting myself with prayer, get disconnected/distant from him and allow him to steal my energy. I don’t feed into his foolishness to before I would, we would end up arguing and at the end I was the issue; but lately since I have been distant he will be the one who has been questioning himself. There are times to when he had gotten the best of me and it feel like I have to pick up all my hurt feelings back up and put the guard back up. They sure do talk a good game when everything is going ok with them and they are happy.
        For ex: why did he get mad at me bec he asked me something and he didn’t like my answer? so he got mad bec I answered the way I did.. and then the whole day his actions were so toxic that it would make anyone go crazy. But I know better now, so I leave him alone because I know he think I’m going to go and mess with him so he then turn it around and make it my fault, like I’m messing with him. He is trying to get a reaction out of me.
        It takes a lot to protect ourselves from them bec they will find that chance so quick. I knew that any day he was about to tick off bec recently he had been making insulting jokes but we can sense those jokes so it’s like hmmmm I’m sure that is how you feeling right now And he is showing through them now.
        The only way to protect ourselves is to educate ourselves on how to protect ourselves and the right tools to do so. It is hard work.

    2. Marilyn
      5 years ago

      I divorced my husband of 38 years after realizing that my poor health was a result of the constant stress I was living under. I woke up one morning after feeling totally empty and surrounded by darkness and I realized I would not have the happily ever after marriage with this man. I packed my bags and left. I have been divorced for two years now and am never sick, have the support of many friends and my children and grandchildren around me. We live is a small community but I never see him and when you leave a narcissist you find that you are dead in their eyes and they start looking for another source.

  45. Karen
    6 years ago

    Oh, how I wish I had known this information 15 years ago… I finally figured it out on my own that I had to just sever ties with my ex-husband (by getting a “no-trespass” order last year) in order to get free from his manipulations. Listening to your interviews on Hay House Radio, especially with Melanie Tonia Evans, I felt the women on the calls were describing my own situation. My children have suffered over the years as well – two of them have chosen to exclude him from their lives, too – but now I feel I have some tools to teach them how to handle their relationship with their father. Thank you.

  46. Saga
    6 years ago

    I watched the 3 first videos of the free video wellness workshop, but the 4th has been list to me. I’v been trying the last 5-7 days and before that it just said coming soon.
    And since I cant aford the course right now any way Im kind of desperate for the last video. I just get rerouted. And yesterday I did a quis from the newsletter here, and in the email with the resultat there was also a link to the video, but there I got rerouted aswell.

    I feel the importans of the video so that I get a few copingmechanism untill I have a chanse to save up.

    It was so spot on. Even the thing where phones and divices, how theres always problems with them. Even during watching the videos it was even more obvious ☺️

  47. Grace
    6 years ago

    Thank you so much for this remarkable and life altering work, Dr. Northrup. I have struggled with a series of these relationships for my entire life. I am divorced from an energy vampire and have a 15 year old son, whom I have poured my life into especially because of a severe allergic condition he has had since infancy, and his acute sensitivites. He is wonderful but difficult. I have watched him grow increasingly unkind, deceptive, and self-centered, though I have done everything possible to help him to feel safe, confident, supported and securely attached. All this has been tremendously eye-opening for me. Our relationship has been strained lately, and he now spends more time with his father. While I understand healthy teens often display narcissistic behavior, my concern is that my son may be on the same road to Vampire. What do you suggest for empath mothers to best manage and guide a teenage boy towards balance and good health?

  48. Julie
    6 years ago

    Hey Christiane I being following your 4 free video last week, unfortunately I couldn’t afford to pay for your online course but l being reading your books which is helping me a lot. I have an employee female 32 years old single mom, which has a tremendous Vampire Energy. She uses her charming to manipulate my partner a male 59 years old. They became very connected with each other and he seems to be obsess with her any mistakes she does at work he except seems that he is blind over her charming and attention. She always cause issues between me and my partner he always support her all the ways. I am learning how to protect myself from her and him also because they both brings me bad energy. When she is not working he is a different person but soon as he sees her her his moods change. He does over protect her because she allows it they became best friend so close to each other that is proving to me that they have a vampire energy. What and how should I protect and act when they work together on my presence.

  49. Smilebox4
    6 years ago

    Hello Christine, I have a question. How does law of attraction work with attracting EV into our lives and keeping them in our lives? Doesn’t it mean I have been creating and bringing them into my life all along?

    I have been dealing with GUILT for over 20 years of my life. That is how I have been controlled to stay in place. Since last few months I have started taking my power back however, I still feel guilt even for the simplest thing like getting irritated.
    I am not expected to be the one expressing anger or irritation or frustration. I have always been the kind one. But now when I do speak my mind it is used against me in front of my kids. I feel this is a game that is played with me in it such that it affects my kids. All these years I was blamed for making him angry and now I am blamed that I dont care for my kids and I now get angry and show frustration!! My child also sometimes sides his father and that is more heartbreaking because I feel that no one understands me.

    I have been listening to Abraham a whole lot and have tried to find a way to create better days for me and I have succeeded to an extent but I just dont know how I will survive with my children being manipulated too!! please help. I have preordered your book after listening to the Tapping summit and the 4 videos and your webinar yesterday. Am really looking for some guidance and help. -R

  50. Lara
    6 years ago

    As an empath raised by 2 narcissists, I definitely learned how to put others’ needs before my own, all my life. A well-educated and independent entrepreneur, I definitely exhibit “super traits” and therefore would consistently attract energy vampires into my energetic field, due to past imprinting.
    I was finally able to break that pattern, by using these 3 tactics:
    1. I focused on how my BODY felt.
    2. I focused on the ACTIONS, not words.
    3. I TURNED the tables. I showed “need” to see if the vampire would support me. Guess what: this causes them to leave! They don’t give.
    If someone won’t give to you what they expect from you, the relationship is one-sided and that sucks the life out of you, ergo it’s a vampire.

    1. Grace
      6 years ago

      Thank you so much for this remarkable and life altering work, Dr. Northrup. I have struggled with a series of these relationships for my entire life. I am divorced from an energy vampire and have a 15 year old son, whom I have poured my life into especially because of a severe allergic condition he has had since infancy, and his acute sensitivites. He is wonderful but difficult. I have watched him grow increasingly unkind, deceptive, and self-centered, though I have done everything possible to help him to feel safe, confident, supported and securely attached. All this has been tremendously eye-opening for me. Our relationship has been strained lately, and he now spends more time with his father. While I understand healthy teens often display narcissistic behavior, my concern is that my son may be on the same road to Vampire. What do you suggest for empath mothers to best manage and guide a teenage boy towards balance and good health?

    2. Grace
      6 years ago

      Brilliant! I have found this same strategy works very well for me as well.

    3. Diana
      6 years ago

      That’s right. EV gives a little bit, just to keep you connected.

    4. Fred
      6 years ago

      Thank you Lara. Your three tactics make total sense to me and I’m going to apply them from today. Who you are resonate a lot with who I am. A massive thank you for sharing this. Love from London.

    5. Claire
      6 years ago

      Genius! This is so helpful. Thank you! I have a very close friend who has been 111% giving, generous, kind, supportive and available a lot to connect and has allowed me to live in her home 3 months last year to care for her 5 animals and care for her crystal clean home while she and her family were out of town…the funny thing is, when I asked for what I actually need, versus her giving me what she thought I needed, then she became angry, and dismissive, and unable to communicate further, followed by being punitive and breaking an agreement we had. I am feeling so clear and strong, so supportive of my true knowing, trusting my sense of genuine care for us both. I let go. I am free, knowing I was honest, caring for both our feelings, mutually respectful, and I am trustworthy, so that leaves her to address her basically shunning me. I do not see it as something I did, because I know I was generous, and we always shared a mutually beneficial relationship, until I needed something that required her to consider my needs. Then, it was over. I am so excited to hold space for how this will unfold well either way. I am only opening my door to Love, and this feels awful in my body, cold to be denied clarity and to have a great exchange cancelled with anger, and coldness, and….I trust my needs are valuable to me, and they are flexible to a degree, but she was very uncomfortable addressing my needs at all. I have only known her to be kind, supportive and inclusive, generous and loving, but I now see we are at a new turn on the spiral. Aloha!, Claire

  51. Dr. Northrup,
    I truly appreciate your guidance and validation. I am an RN and in the Ph.D. Mind-Body Medicine program. My destiny is to be of service. I want to open my own practice/wellness coaching in the future, but I’m very afraid of my unstable energy. I am an empath but not as energetically charged. My mother is an energy vampire – I’m 40 years old and just beginning to heal and discover who I really am. I’ve always been looking for love and acceptance outside myself – pregnant at 16 years old, a survivor of emotional and physical abuse, child abuse, and married a person just like mom but only more aggressive and volatile. I’ve had EMDR for a few of my PTSD events, but the origination and root of it all, hasn’t healed. I’m an only child and there isn’t anyone else to be there for my parents. I live 10 minutes away from them. I’ve thought about moving far away but can’t leave my dad. I have several health issues and I believe it is related to this relationship. How can I move forward without guilt? I wish there can be “no contact” – just enough time to heal. Please help.

  52. Jane
    6 years ago

    I am glad to have a term to refer to the characters that have encircled me since birth – energy vampires. No wonder I swoon with grief, sadness and slow pulse sometimes. My Dad, wounded and soulfully sad and mad definitely started the cycle as I wondered why my love did not help him. I would pray for him to be happy, to get what he wanted and one day (at about 9) when he told me not to show him my f…ing report card as he did not care I seemed to fall through the floor. How did I learn to protect myself and become secure in who I am….Well, it’s been a lifelong struggle to get it right. Resourceful, intelligent, courageous and referred to a a motherly leader, I am always seeking to understand how I can self-empower, buck up my juicy feelings that tend to the negative. I wish I could trust others and myself. I became a hypnoththerapist but that just showed me evidence, built awareness but did not change me. I get to see sub-c beliefs but not really change them forever. I went through 2 husbands with similar narcissistic tendencies, breast cancer (ah ha…got to nourish me now gift), huge financial losses due to trusting the wrong persons again, unsolicited assault (whoa on why that happened in my 40ies) and raised my daughters on my own and got them both through university. I have stayed on my own for 18 years now cause I was attracting what I need to heal…and well, what do you expect if I am not there yet. I plugged into the 4 video clips just in time to witness myself in a very one-sided female friendship that is again symptomatic of the vampire syndrome! I have now put up my shields and the clips gave me permission. I am 60 but remember Christiane saying life starts at 60 in some book or talk or other! I am thinking I truly have to routinely practice success principals (Making Life Easy suggestions) to get out of this funk before it is too late. I am encouraged that there will be clues to understand and alter circumstances in the upcoming course on Dodging Energy Vampires…To Thank Ms Northrup I will endeavour now to apply the concepts and reread Making Life Easy! I relate to you Ms Northrup, your intelligence, sensitivity, courage and strength and see the beauty of being exactly ‘you’! I am in on the this one! Would there be a counsellor program to help others in this manner…could I do this work! I think this is something I would love to do! Let’s see where this concept leads! xo to the Energy Vampire Dodgers, Jane

  53. Lisa Foster Kazaks
    6 years ago

    I just wanted to say that im so glad someone is writing and speaking about this. I’m a medical intuitive empath and home health aide and it’s been really challenging at times. This happens mostly with people i dont know who i run into casually. Usually i can tell right away. And my strategy is to remove myself or create distance, if we are in the same room.
    A few months ago my relative came by with a friend, stayed overnight. But the whole time they were at my house, i experienced extreme fatigue , a headache, and i could not concentrate. I kept thinking maybe one of the or both were on some kind of meds. But what was even stranger, was after they left , the house still had this gloomy vibe that lasted just about 3 days. Or maybe it was myself that had absorbed as well anyhow, i did my own clearing/cleaning out for the house and myself. Usually exercise/diet plenty of water helps and cures that.
    My question is why was it so extreme? And are there other techniques of protecting myself?

  54. Euge
    6 years ago

    Dear Doctor Christine, first of all, thank you so much for doing these enlightening videos, now I understand why light bulbs explode from time to time or why when I touch certain persons some electricity appears!!!
    I realized I feel represented by all the super treats you explained in the first video and of course I’ve known some vampires, these videos have been truly informative,

    I do appreciate it!

    Saludos y amor desde Chile

  55. Marie
    6 years ago

    As I was listening in your video I felt guilty because the first few year I was struggling with my vampire relationship I feel that I turned into a vampire myself. I was draining my friends as I was looking for an answer. They would give me advice that I would never follow, they got very tired of me, I was exhausting them with my problems. I definitely suffered from PTSD. When you are into depression it is like no one can help you. Fortunately I got help and learned to change. I wanted to share that because there is a ripple effect to what a vampire does to someone. It can affect your friends, family member and children.

  56. Francoise
    6 years ago

    How have you protected yourself?
    I have been married to an emotional vampire for 15 years. It took me many years to figure out what the problem was and as an empath I was trying to fix the situation. But in a sense I was lucky because I had already worked on two of the traits that makes the empath vulnerable to vampires:
    1. We want to be accepted. As it turns out I am not a people pleaser
    2. We don’t want to hurt another person’s feeling. As an empath I am very careful not to hurt other people’s feeling and if by inadvertence I do it is because they are already wounded and I am not responsible for that.
    3. We believe our love and care can help other. That I definitely suffered from. But I joined a help group and by working on changing myself I understand now that it is not my job to change others. My job is to take care of myself.
    Two things happened when I refused to be drained:
    1. My husband found another woman to use for energy
    2. He never divorced me and is still baiting me to this day but I know what he is doing. (thanks to your video I understand why now)
    I was from another country when I married him, I am 65 now and financially I cannot divorce him. But I have learned to protect myself, I am not weak anymore and I don’t let anyone manipulate me.

  57. Diane Boca
    6 years ago

    Christine, I thank you and very grateful!!! and wish I had found you earlier…everything in it’s time I suppose…I finally got away from my Vampire husband, did not recognize my vampire daughter who eventually abandoned me after draining me emotionally and financially, then vampire sister pretended to wanting to be there to help and to discover yet another and took on a part-time job with (boss) another…”I kept asking why is GOD putting these people in my path…HE was only trying to open my eyes to it I now realize, when I recently awoke to Kris Carr invitation to your free 4 part videos on the topic. Wow! eyes wide open! and here I am tracking down your free 4 video series and sharing with others I believe to be empaths. I have know for a while I am an Empath and all the characteriscts match. My daughter was diagnosed with “borderline personality disorder” and though I felt being drained by her, I felt no one will be there for her and I was a single parent so could not abandon her. Training on how to deal with her, only seem to give her more power (enable) and leave me powerless. Donald Trump’s behaviour then reminded me of some of my daughter’s and sister’s traits, and recall my daughter once telling me the front part of her brain not developed properly… I decided to look up narcissistic and sociopath, as these terms seem to be popping up in my world…oh my! Sad and disappointing to realize I cannot help or save these individuals but work on rebuilding my energy and life…so I can continue to shine my light!

    Thank you again for your good works and opening my eyes! Thank you to Kris Carr for sharing.

    1. Diane Boca
      6 years ago

      Please show my first name only. Thank you

  58. Cheyenne
    6 years ago

    Your advice for empaths and energy vampires will always be timely. I resigned from a good job a couple of weeks ago (barely 3 months into it) because the boss was stealing my energy by spiking my adrenaline several times a day. She would then be on a sugar high of satisfaction while I struggled to stay awake. The third energy vampire in a year! The good news is that I had to speak up for myself. The bad news is that I had to speak up for myself. This one was so intense that my speaking became more hoarse and was often truly speechless.
    As empaths we don’t understand why being considerate isn’t valued by the suckers who get their energy by viewing us as their adversary. And yes, the EVs are very complementary in the beginning to reel us into their webs.
    I’ve ordered your new book, Dodging Energy Vampires. Thank you for putting your experience in writing since my energy not only stops watches, it stops your videos on all my devices at different locations…

  59. Nantenin Conde
    6 years ago

    Dr Northrup,
    i am so glade to find you even there is distance because i live in Canada and i am a single mother of 13 years old son am not working don’t have good friend i feel lost and lonely was so frisking out about my life and know exactly who i am juste i need some help from you. I been with people whose abuse me for more then 20 years and i had a depression anxiety and so one i went trough a lot now i ready to take good care of myself
    I wandering if there is possible chance to be in touch with you so i could explain more have more advice from you.

    Thank you for your understanding

  60. Laura
    6 years ago

    Thank you Dr. Christiane Northrop for sharing your videos on Energy Vampires! My ex-husband called me recently after 15 years of divorce. He remarried a woman who has 3 kids and is very unhappy. After all of these years, my ex asked me to forgive him for the pain & trauma he caused me during our marriage. Following our call, I felt really weak, afraid & kept crying. During our marriage, he was verbally & emotionally abusive, yelled, cursed & criticized me. I am an EMPATH who is loving, giving & always did my best to obtain counseling to help him heal. I also went with him to consult with my Rabbi for spiritual guidance. Nothing worked after I tried EVERYTHING to help my ex & ended up divorcing him due to fear that he may physically harm me! I left & never returned! Now after 15 years, he suddenly reappeared & I became extremely sick, depressed & felt my joyful, positive energy was totally sucked out of me! Although he remarried, he wants to reconnect & communicate with me. I know this is not healthy. He said he recently had a religious experience & prayed for me. I am confused by all of this & don’t know what to believe? I’m now regaining my health & strength after this experience so I can move on. Would you please inform me if there is a technique to help cure a man with this terrible disease or do you recommend a therapy approach with medication?

    1. nina
      6 years ago

      Block him! You don’t owe him anything….stop thinking about ‘curing’ or ‘helping’ him! Help yourself!

    2. Christine
      6 years ago

      Your ex is trying to manipulate you because he says he is unhappy. That’s not your fault or responsibility to fix his problem. He is using tactics to sway you and win you over. His words are nothing but lies.
      Stay the course and keep him out of your life otherwise it will cost you immensely.

    3. Joss
      6 years ago

      I agree with the other 2 replies. Your body is speaking loudly and clearly to you. It’s the unhealed parts of you that are gravitating toward getting sucked in by his energy. Google Melanie Tonya Evan’s “3 Keys” free webinar. Mel T. Evans is the one who recommended Christiane Northrup’s work to me. I wish you well. Let us stand, grounded in our Light.

  61. Peggy
    6 years ago

    First Thank You! for helping me to become aware of empath/energy vampires. I related to so many descriptions stories in your book, sadly your description of em-path health issues as well, but I felt set free from my self doubts and actually felt really proud of myself, realizing that some how I have self taught or learned so much from dealing with energy vampires early in childhood, maybe from birth. As a child I was able to know before physical abuse happened and I would run and hide. A teenager I recognized sexual predators without any logical explanation. I was able to protect myself, unfortunately I was not able to protect others because my vibes were considered lies, drama, weird and crazy and energy vampires knew better how to charm and manipulate better than I have ever been able to convince others. I have learned to set boundaries, I have learned tough love is still love, I have learned to feel the fear of rejection and say stop or No anyway, I have learned my fear of conflict kept me selling my peace at any price. My fear of abandonment, fear of conflict, ridicule, kept me involved, along with my willingness to sacrifice myself for someone that was a victim being used as a pawn to manipulate. I am 60 years old now and I am so thankful to recognize the gift being an em-path has given me, I am even feeling thankful for the experience energy vampires have taught me. After reading your book I finally understand myself, I feel self acceptable, I am finally able to let go of self doubt that there was something drastically wrong with me. I am coming out of hiding and on my healing way! My question is why do em-path pick up on negative energy more often than positive such as happiness?

  62. Maria
    6 years ago

    Dear Dr Northrop,Yes, I have been in relationship with vampire for 25 years.Its horrific to realize that . It’s so emotional and at the same time so empowering to know the truth. It’s all to YOUR wonderful service to me and others like me.What a freedom. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. Love Maria

  63. Bridget
    6 years ago

    OMG, I am right in the middle of the overwhelming process of getting rid-off of my EV, which means kicking him out of my house (he used to rent it from me for the past year while I already moved to another city) and taking away 2 vehicles from him he convinced to put in my name while dating, and continue using while we were already broken up for the past 1 and a half years. Now, even though overwhelmed with the financial responsibilities and tasks I need to do to cut him off completely, with 120K cash less in my account (he was supposed to give this back to me a while ago…), drowning in 2 extra car payments and an extra mortgage for the house he used to rent, I still am starting to finally feel powerful and “taking control of my life back” from someone who was running it with a billion empty promises, giving just enough in return whenever I wanted to leave so I would stay, so he could continue using me for his own best interest. Not mine or even “ours as a couple”…

    I was just telling my friend this weekend that “its so hard for me because I just assume of everyone that they are good.” It was very very hard to accept that he isn’t just having a bad day, or too much to deal with, too many problems, family members dying, business tanking, ex wife, etc etc to deal with.. He PLAIN DOES NOT CARE about me (even though he says he does) but himself only!

    And all the manipulation and emotional abuse… (besides the financial)…. oh, boy… For me realizing that its all manipulation was so hard to face and accept… He is a master of turning things around and making me be (and feel) the bad person!!

    Anyways. I am grateful for finding this article, specially when in the midst of “sucking up my financial losses and years I wasted on him” and trying to move on… This article just ensured me I am not crazy and I am doing the right thing with cutting him out of my life. A very very costly and painful chapter of it…. Thank you Dr. Northrup and everyone for their feed-backs.

    1. Leesa
      4 years ago

      Omg, that’s great you got out and sorry that happened to you. My husband tries to do the same thing to me. I just recently added him on my dental and vision benefits. I guess he forgot I added him because he started right back to his old ways, putting me down while I have to work fom home, while he lays up and sleeps all day playing video games. Im glad its not too late to take him off my benefits. None of his kids or grandchildren have nothing to do with him and now I see why. His mother is a vampire codependent with her son too.

  64. Pamela
    6 years ago

    Hi Christine, I just had to leave a comment about your wonderful first video from the free wellness workshop and am unable to join facebook as there is an energy vampire stalking me.
    This particular EV has Asperger’s Syndrome – a congenital condition which leaves them unable to empathise. Empatheticals (my word), therefore, are like magnets. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists, etc. they present themselves to the outside world as gentle creatures obsessed with railway timetables, but the reality of a relationship with them is devastating and destructive, made worse because nobody believes you.
    I regularly contribute to a forum for ASpartners, and would be grateful if you could suggest a link as I believe your work will be life changing for its readers.
    It has been three years since I managed to escape and am still in the process of rebuilding myself – even after only your first video, it feels so good to have my true self confirmed, no doubt you can sense my joy and gratitude!

    1. Rose
      6 years ago

      Hi Pamela sorry to hear what you went through. I was also married to an asperger’s and grew up with an asperger’s father as well. What you said about how they present themselves to the outside world as gentle creatures is just crazy I saw it big time and living with them is very devastating and destructive. Would be great to connect if you want I think is very helpful to speak with someone who has been through this, I have not had any people to connect with as I am not in the US where there are more groups for that. My email is Would love to hear from you. Thanks! Rose

    2. Najma
      1 year ago

      Unfortunately for you they do. Clearly you’re not very well researched in ASD. The amount times I’ve also seen adults patronizing very able students that do have it is was quite embarrassing. Can you not even handle a person with Asperger’s taking an interest in you? Perhaps… maybe without humiliating yourself like this on the internet? Do you have any idea how ignorant you are when it comes to topics like these? Obviously this is a person with Asperger’s that just so happens to be an energy vampire. Stop listening to stereotypes and maybe read a book for a change.

  65. Julie
    6 years ago

    I own a business and l have an employee that has a very strong vampire energy, she only communicate with my partner the most. At her shift the minute she starts l sense her bad energy. I learned that she lies, always talk behind other employees she ignores everyone except my partner. I know that she doesn’t like me careless. How should I protect my self from this type of people. She is the trouble maker at my business. How should I protect my self from her.

    1. Arosa
      6 years ago

      Fire her. If her performance isn’t professional it could undermine YOUR business acumen. In business people talk and she very well could cause problems for you down the line.
      That’s just MY personal opinion.
      Hope it helped some.
      ~Arosa, a fellow Empath

    2. Lynn
      6 years ago

      Fire her. You should people who respect you in your business. Negative energy will kill a business.

  66. Laurie
    6 years ago

    I just started your course on Empaths and Energy Vampires. Thank you so much Dr. Northrup for making this available. It came via email exactly when I needed it. I have known about being an Empath all my life but your explanation is simply the most complete I have ever seen. I am excited to learn more and I thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. Let the healing begin

    Laurie H

  67. Grace
    6 years ago

    Dear Christiane,
    Bravo for diagnosing this enormous and debilitating interpersonal disease, and with such authenticity and clarity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your gift. You have no doubt saved many lives and much suffering,

  68. Elizabeth
    6 years ago

    Hi Dr Christine,
    Thank you so much for all this information about energy vampires.
    I got married to one, at the age of 18 ( and moved overseas, away from my family).
    I was so slow to waking up to what was happening, that the “ wake up” basically happened 14 years into our marriage and 7 kids later ( 4, among them are twins, were unplanned).
    I love my kids dearly, and feel God has helped me tremendously, with everything though.
    After we’ve moved about two years ago to Israel ( which was my dream, and I fought for it, he was comfortable latching- and receiving complete financial support- unto his parents forever), the “Wake up” slowly started.
    I feel I might ask to leave this marriage very soon, Because it’s making me literally ill ( I already have hashimoto’s for 12 years, now eczema problems)
    I can’t continue in this toxic relationship it will be very hard to leave, but I realized it will be equally hard to stay.
    Luckily I have my parents back and support.
    Better to wake up late than never, and my beautiful kids I will never regret.

    You are a wonderful doctor and again- Thank you!!!!


  69. Elaine
    6 years ago

    I am so happy to have run across this comment section. I can see myself in so many past and present situations. It broke my heart to have to disengage with my sister because she was an energy vampire. I0 years younger than I am, I practically served the role as mother to her, taking her to live with me every school holiday break and the entire summers. I still think of her often and send blessings every night for her health, wealth, and happiness. Even so, I have removed her from my life. Her toxicity was so overpowering I knew I had to severe ties. Thank you all so much for sharing your story. Thank you Christiane for your love and support.

  70. cheryl
    6 years ago

    Oh my land…

    I could write a book.

    About 11/12 yrs ago I realized I needed Boundaries to protect me from my husbands family. He was very angry..but I held my own.

    Twice in my life I had worked in mental health and somehow stopped long enough to realize I was being so ill treated by family members.

    Now realize I am a dyed in the wool Empath is amazing. I was one in Kindergarten.

    Will have to research the difference between an “enabler” and an “empath”! As I use to teach on the undergrad and grad level and wonder if that allows some of us educators to be more venerable.

    Helping and being supportive without being pulled over the edge is a learned skill I think.

    Today after too many deaths, crisis, losses and my husband living elsewhere for his job, and a son who is vaccine Injured I am still alive.
    The saying that we learn more through adversity or failures is so on target.

    Because of life’s challenges and being too close to what I now have learned today…escaping my own daughters “vampire” skills it is amazing how the path opened up and I saw it and took it.
    For those of you who have “Blended” families it is extra hard. Bouncing all of the balls is exhausting, demanding and overwhelming most of the time. Family dynamics are never taught in school nor is parenting.

    The link to the videos on how to learn more about the different Empaths did not work. So can someone post a link?

    Found this group through Dr Kelly Brogan. She is a real gem.

    Just a note for those on the healing meaning foods and chemical sensitivities can and do have a huge impact on your gut and brain.
    Heal the gut and it is easier to deal with the needed transitions to a full happy new beginning.

    Systems models sometimes help me find a new path to leave something I need to let go of.
    Giving myself permission to not explain why I have created a boundary to protect myself is part of the artwork in my life practice does help it get easier.

    Taking the time to redraw your life map instead of clinging to the old map drawn for you at age 5 is a much needed process.
    When I finally realized how creative I was and what an “original art work” I had become and that my soul is an off grid being it all came together.

    And who care who likes or dislikes you?
    My husband and children have the rights to be who they need to be, I do not need a “mini me” or people who agree with me.
    Movies and TV tend to program us and lend to the controlling of our minds. I turned TV off 7 yrs ago and don’t miss it.

    You have all added to the quilt pieces of my life today.

    Thanks for sharing.

    A broken plate can not be glued back together, but used to make a mosaic that is even more beautiful.

    It’s like I found a new home for my mind today. Wow wow and wow!
    I have been on this mind body and soul healing now for about 6 months. It is like a dance, don’t always know the steps but willing to learn.

    Healing is a slow road.

    Thanks Dr’s Kelly and Christiane!

    Blessings to both.

  71. Karen
    6 years ago

    I just listened to your presentation on Energy Vampires on The Tapping World Summit and preordered your book. My husband and adult daughters are all empaths. I am too as a “I must save everyone” sort of person, though I do it through logic and thinking and they are all feelers. Can an empath also be an energy vampire? I see my husband, in trying to fix others and himself (bad childhood) try to manipulate me into doing more than I want to do for him and for others. It’s as if he can’t do enough to help so he recruits me. I am a sucker for being guilted into things. Where is the line between being “we are all humans who are here to help each other”, and “I have rights and needs too”?

  72. Jo
    6 years ago

    Thank you so much for this information. It’s great to finally have a reason for what has been going on for so long. Any advice on how to deal with having a daughter who is an energy vampire? She is self harming, possibly depressed and is very manipulative etc. I am beyond exhausted but can’t walk away. Help!

  73. Ida
    6 years ago

    Hi Christiane!! I enjoyed your interview on the tapping summit☺️ My daughter is very intuitive, the most intuitive and empahtic in her Class, I Think. She is just 10. For 2 yrs there has Been a vampire Girl in the class. I have always Been the sensing one in my Class and at work, and I am Sure about This. Everything turns around her, class mates are insecure, sometimes desperate to stay in her spine, and drawn to it. She has Been hard on my daughter, two periodes, going after her Best Friends. That What she does. She wants to be the center of everything and she doesn’t allow others to be close to the popular Friends. And she Lies and just uses all methods to get What she wants. And she controls the others with her anger Or ignoring Them for days, weeks. Would you have some advise to us around a situation like that? As an empath this has Been keeping me awake a lot I am trying to remember how strong my daughter is and trust and all that. And Holding my light, and supporting jeres and she is so good at that. And she is good as keeping a distance and staying connected to her Friends, even though it is tricky. My daughter says, that she is not sure, the teachers knows about it, because the vampire charms them and lies. And talks behind the back off others etc.
    I guess This is the first lesson in life on This. And I offcourse is very aware of Holding the light as much as I Can. But noticing that it freaks me out a bit every time I see the vampire im action, and I have often found myself frozen, because it seems so surreal “did that just happen?” And thats What she does. So I haven’t directly talked to the teachers. I thought it was so obvious, that they Would
    Know, but offcourse it isn’t when they are around.
    Big hug and love and Thank you for your work!! I am a spirituel doctor and very inspired♥️♥️Ida

    1. Ida
      6 years ago

      As I Shared This the Universe gave me a solution – Thank you♥️

  74. Joan Schroeder
    6 years ago

    Thank you so much for your wonderful work! I have preordered your new book on Energy Vanpires, and just listened to your wonderful introduction to Empaths and Energy Vampires through your special offer. FABULOUS!!!!!! Spot on! Thank you for the validation, and valuable recommendations.
    My question is : Why/ how is it that these EV are so predictable? With seemingly the same characteristics/MO … it’s like they all went to the same school. Any ideas?

  75. Cheryl
    6 years ago

    I pre-ordered and not clear as how to listen to your class. Preorder number is 113-1084308-6673800. Was unable to listen to this morning.

    1. Coulson Duerksen
      6 years ago

      Hi Cheryl,

      I will look into this and get back to you.

      Kind regards,
      Coulson (Dr. Northrup’s editor)

    2. Coulson Duerksen
      6 years ago

      Hi again Cheryl,

      Please contact Hay House customer service. If you are in the US or Canada, here is the number to call:
      (800) 654-5126 Ext 1. They should be able to help you with specifics related to your pre-order question.


  76. Stacy Darbyshire
    6 years ago

    Hi! I have been called an empath. However, it all has to do with energy. It has taken me decades to realise that every person I meet either needs my help or I need them. Student/ Teacher realationship is interchangeable as an adult. My past experiences are relevant to understanding how to heal myself and to share that knowledge. Spirit guides/ angels literally push people into my happiness. However, it is my responsibility to be focused and centered. That is my challenge. 🙂

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Beautifully stated!

    6 years ago

    I think there is a certain magnetism between empaths and energy vampires unfortunately.
    Givers attract Takers, and as you have previously said Christine they seem to have a malignant sixth sense and home in you.
    I feel like I have been plagued by these types (EVs) and continue to both attract them and (sorry to say it) but be attracted to them. I also .had narcissists in my family.
    I think there can be a level of addiction to these people which, as I become aware of I can consciously say no thank you.

    As a child it was a roller coaster ride of being put down by these people and then hopelessly trying to gain their approval.

    Thankfully much more material is coming to light now and I study this to make myself more aware.
    As Empaths we are challenged by this and can become wiser and recognize them much quicker.

    I never used to like to think badly of people and would rationalize those gut instincts and want to believe the best.
    Now I say oh oh heres ANOTHER one, and have become tougher at actually ignoring them despite the pull to be
    socially “nice”.(If they are in your community)

    Boundaries are a big issue here and if EV’s teach you one thing it is to have Very strong impermeable boundaries.


    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Your understanding of this dynamic is truly remarkable. And you have hit the nail on the head. Each of us must learn to TRUST our gut even when we can’t prove what we feel. And even when these “ charmeleoms” are working their dark magic!

  78. Maria
    6 years ago

    Thanks for this post and book. I first listened to this term “energy vampires” in your Hay House World Summit talk and bought the program. Your talk was the one I re-listened every time I doubted my intuition about finalizing the relationship with my energy vampire husband. I felt I was living in limbo for so many years, not achieving my goals and growth but just trying to make things work in the relationship, with poor success. Your talk comforted me and gave me the certainty that my intuition was right, although it seemed the wrong thing to do. Thanks to you and the help of family and friends and therapy I was able to leave this toxic relationship and finally divorce him. It’s been a tough time for my kids, but I finally have peace with myself and am regaining my strength.

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      What a pleasure to hear this. Ans bravo for your good work. It is not easy!

    2. Kim Cobler
      6 years ago

      I love hearing this. For the first time in many years I am reading things and hearing talks that sound exactly like what I have gone through. After 32 years of marriage I had my eyes opened but it still has taken me three years of going through cycles of outlining my boundaries, expectations and what I needed to change then him responding with just enough to give me hope then me to realize he was going back to the same pattern then me going over again what I need and then him giving a little more, and so on and so on…. Finally I said three years is enough and started the process to file for divorce and told him. Right now he is pouring it on so thick and working so hard to convince me I am wrong and he has had his wake up call and is a changed man. I need to stay grounded and move on but he keeps me in turmoil and a constant state of self doubt – thinking maybe this really is the time he will change. I think I need a support group. Is there such a thing?

    3. Elizabeth
      6 years ago

      Very similar situation with me.

  79. H.
    6 years ago

    Wow, I never realized why I become victim of ‘love scam’ repeatedly. Thanks so much to walk me up.

  80. Sonia
    6 years ago

    My mother was/is an energy vampire, so is my fathers other daughter. I have had the “blessing” (ha) of having these women in my life, and have only recently blocked them from contacting me. I start a “daughters of narcissist mothers” support group in two days, see a therapist regularly, and am learning how to say no to all energy vampires, even the ones I considered friends. Its a life-long endeavor. Thank you for this post.

  81. Sonia Belliveau
    6 years ago

    My mother was/is an energy vampire, so is my fathers other daughter. I have had the “blessing” (ha) of having these women in my life, and have only recently blocked them from contacting me. I start a “daughters of narcissist mothers” support group in two days, see a therapist regularly, and am learning how to say no to all energy vampires, even the ones I considered friends. Its a life-long endeavor. Thank you for this post.

  82. Lee
    6 years ago

    My take is that an empath is a sensitive, giving person who often attracts an energy vampire who sucks the emotional life out of them. My daughter was victim to a few of those vampires and the last time she was strong enough to get out of that escalating abusive situation and moved across the world to protect she and her unborn baby! She is a better woman for it and a great, devoted Mom!

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Bravo for her. It’s hard to watch a loved one get sucked in by an EV. But when they break free and wake up, it helps so much!

  83. Terri
    6 years ago

    Great blog! I am looking forward to the book. It is my experience that some of the people who believe that they are empaths are actually more on the ‘energy vampire’ end of the spectrum. It seems to me that being able to ‘feel the energy’ in a room does not make you an empath. My definition of being an empath is that you have the ability to see the world through the eyes of another. You may or may not agree with their perspective, but you have the ability to see and understand from their perspective. Just being able to ‘observe and feel the energy’ can be a real opening to tap into the energy and use it for your own benefit.
    Thank you for this thought provoking discussion….now I must think 🙂

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      You are absolutely correct that many energy vampires are incredibly skilled at reading the energy of others for personal gain. I’ve seen this repeatedly. They also use all the “right” words to convince you that they understand you. Their charm and manipulative skills can be extraordinary.

  84. Nik
    6 years ago

    I also wanted to know, for some reason, i’m behaving like them and they are becoming spiritual like I used to me. I dont understand whats going on?

    1. David
      3 years ago

      It is because you take on other peoples traits temporarily, so you can feel there pain and empathise with them to ultimately try and fix them, although shapeshifting is a natural trait of an empath it can also work against us, because we have our own burdens to deal with and that is when we can mirror them by mistake, we all have a divine path as this life is a beautiful journey although were we have healed ourselves from noticing that behaviour that discuss us to much in others when they personify it. Energy vampires haven’t done the self work & started to answer to them self so propel it on everyone else.
      I hope this message finds you as I notice you posted this 3 years ago. take care.

  85. Nik
    6 years ago

    i’m actually living in a family with energy vampires and am so sick due to their energies and control with their energies, i dont know how to get out this environment being an empath. I’m scared.

  86. Denise
    6 years ago

    I think a key distinction for us to make when deciding who is a vampire for us is by asking ourselves if they are they for us as fully as we feel we need to be there for them. I am wrestling with this now with both of my living family members because I don’t want to lose them in my life with so many of my family now deceased.
    I think I might put up with more than I normally would because of that fact but it sometimes takes a very heavy toll on my energy and peace of mind.
    Still not totally clear about the point of balance for me but am working on getting clearer.
    Thanks for the clarity and support! Thanks Dr. Northrup for this topic!

  87. Mimi
    6 years ago

    The best way is NO CONTACT.. This was my FB post today! I read this after… Spot on!

    Raw and personal thoughts from the Mind of Mimi

    Removing all the images of an Ex on FB is never easy. It has been a painstaking few days, and FB doesn’t make it easy. Yes, over 700 images of the past three years, gone with the click of a button. Even though my relationship ran its course and I knew it was time to let go for good, the gut wrenching process is still never easy. It should have been done months ago, but bringing oneself to remove so many images of memories that you made over the years seems so brutal. Those closest to me, who road that roller coaster ride, have always been so supportive, even when I would slip and fall back down. For this I say thank you for your true compassion, understanding and love.

    Some would say “Keep them”, they were part of your life but I say No! This on again, off again relationship was not kind on my heart and I need NO reminders of someone who cared very little of my needs, my boundaries or my soul. We have been done for a while, but he had a way of always keeping me at arm’s length. Giving me just enough to keep my heart from completely healing.

    A pattern… A cruel and manipulative “trick” of the true narcissist.

    Now that the “task” is complete I feel a huge sense of relief. A new woman rises from the ashes. Stronger, wiser and finally free. If there is one thing that I can take away from my time with him is this. Never let anyone give you less then you deserve and never spend time with someone who is not willing to give in return what you put in. We are ALL worth it, we ALL deserve it.
    Never settle………….. And most of all… Love yourself!

    M.O.M out……………………..

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      What an incredibly courageous post. You are so right. And this will help so many! Thank you.

    2. Deb
      6 years ago

      Thank you for this, Mimi. You are so not alone! You’re strong and smart and your sharing this, like Dr. Northrup has done so brilliantly and courageously and kindly, has been so deeply healing for me that it can barely be expressed in words. Most relevant word: Ahhhhh! I hope and pray you too are healing, going through your process with self care, self compassion, and ease. For a gorgeous work of art and historical coping with this phenomena of narc/nrg vampires, see the movie ‘Phantom Thread,’ if possible.

  88. Laura
    6 years ago

    I was in a 9 year relationship with an energy vampire/covert narcissist. I knew there was something wrong with why I was staying with him because of all that I was putting up with. But the love-bombing and the deep connection I felt to him made it very difficult to end it completely. I did journal regularly throughout the relationship and in these journals would share the information I was intuitively receiving, as well as, his outrageous behaviors and how I was trying to find a way to make all of it make sense somehow. What turned the corner for me finally was realizing, that regardless of what he said and how seemingly deeply and tearfully he would state his thoughts and feelings, we were not of the same kind. We did NOT feel the same. We did NOT hold the same values. I believe he did deeply WANT to be like me, but he truly had no desire to do the personal work to get there. It was as if he was living off of my goodness/light in an attempt to cover his selfishness/darkness. When I realized completely and fully what a sham the whole situation was and that he was NEVER going to change or substantially be any different, I was good to go. I was able to go back and read my journals and it was all there. I had stated this over and again. I also had dreams that I had recorded that dealt with him that also pointed to this emotionally devoid state that was him. Additionally, I worked with a shamanic healer and did some soul retrieval work in order to cut energetic ties and bring back parts of myself. I highly recommend this to anyone.

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      I love the part where you said he appeared to be living off of your goodness.,THAT is what narcissistic supply IS! Bravo for getting out!

      1. Laurie Bertolett
        5 years ago

        I was married for 25 years to an EV. He was mentally ill. I finally found the courage to leave. Now, my youngest son has bipolar 2, and is very needy. I do my best to set boundaries, but he goes on impulse much of the time. I cannot divorce my son, obviously. But I do find myself drained by him. I wish I knew if this is bipolar behavior, or if he does have a personality disorder. His diagnosis has consistently been bipolar 2. Can you speak to other trypes of mental illness, and how to set boundaries with high impulse people? Thanks.

    2. Claudia
      6 years ago

      So, help me with this, my partner has two kids of his previous marriage and they do not like me, they actually hate me. He went on a trip with them and somehow he starts acting wierdly. If my partner says to me, I love you but you really take things to unbelievable dimensiones. When I was just asking him to answer the phone in a educated manner. And after that he says to me, but I always miss you when I am not with you. The first thing makes me so angry and when he says he misses me I start doubting myself, I think “am I really exagerating???”

    3. Nicole love
      4 years ago

      You wrote everything that I have been going through and still going. For me it was a red flag and started paying more attention and I had told him that I wanted to get baptized and he decided to get baptized too… first I thought maybe I was over thinking it but lately it feels like everything has been falling together. Little by little bit he is showing his true intent. Then if had said anything that was good…they would bring it up as their idea ‍♀️ or When they talk to others they pretty much say what you would say or they sound like you.

  89. Marie
    6 years ago

    Wow, I recently realized that a woman have been friends with for about 4 years is an energy vampire. She was kind and loving at the beginning and seemed to care a great deal about me. Then she started doing and saying negative things all while claiming to be supportive, breaking promises and never having a good response as to why. I am an INFJ, extremely emphatic and a 9 in Enneagram, which means I am a peacemaker, In the past I have had difficulty standing up for myself with certain people and not knowing why only certain ones. I have started to sever connections with this woman, which is difficult as our social circles are connected. I have decided that I can make new friends and enjoy life without her. I am blessed to have another great friend (these 2 have never met) who understands energy vampires and my husband both of whom are supporting me through my separating from this energy vampire. One interesting thing was when I told her I was leaving her life and why she said that she knew that she was that way! I am not sure she understand to what extent and I am not going to try and find out! I am concerned about a young woman who she is starting to treat the same as she did me, this young woman’s ex-husband is narcissistic. I am not sure she would even listen to a warning. I am starting on a new path of self care and even though I am a very trusting and giving person will be alert for this in the future.

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Clearly you see the pattern. Once you see it, you see it everywhere. Some people are ready to see it. Some have to learn the hard way!

  90. Maggie Toussaint
    6 years ago

    One of my readers forwarded this link to me because I have a published mystery wherein the villain is an energy vampire. The inciting premise of Dadgummit came about due to interaction with people who drained my energy. Of course, in none of the real-life accounts is an energy vampire as deadly as my fictional one.

    I am surprised at people’s reactions to the term energy vampire but yet at appearances where I’ve explained the term they are nodding their heads. Invariably, many come up to me and tell me about the energy vamp in their life. So nice that you’ve got an entire book coming out on the subject.

  91. Susan Doughty
    6 years ago

    Well done, Christiane. Well done….

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Oh thank you Susan!! Love hearing this from you!

  92. Kylie
    6 years ago

    Reading these stories are so heartbreaking. I want to lean into the screen and give you all a big hug and say I see you and I wish you so much happiness for your future. It is so hard but so worth it (I know). Vampires are toxic to your health and soul. Sending you love.

  93. Gina OConnor
    6 years ago

    Hi Beautiful Community! Yes I was raised by a energy Vampire, a women who has spent her life ,75 years sucking the life out of everyone she encounters. She’s a sociopath, charming, smart and very likable a master of her traits. As a child, I learned the word
    Filicide, as I thought she would eventually kill me, but she was too cleaver to allow the bruses, the nail marks, thr kicks to my head to show. The emotional and energy brutality was more difficult to take. As adults the three of us have tried to keep her out of our lives, but she continues to try to destroy us. She called Police on my younger brother and said that he had stolen her credit cards, so that she wouldn’t have to pay for gifts she sent to his children. She called his job and said that she witnessed him steal, he lost his corporate position. My older brother who is a well know surgeon has suffered her wrath of brutality when he was young since he is three and five years older than us.
    Last year asking for my forgiveness and pleading to visit under the guise that she found religion and spirituality I allowed her to come to my home. For two weeks, she was the mother that anyone would want, then the roof fell in on us. She called the police on us and said that we were abusive . Growing up with this behavior, I didn’t imagine that she would do this at 75 years old. The police didn’t believe us, even though my husband is a retired Federal officer, and my brothers wrote statements. A charming old woman in distress was more believable… We went though her abuse for 6 months, she would walk by me and tell me that I’m ugly and old, that she heard my husband telling his friend that he was having an affair. Meanwhile we were visiting colleges and filling out applications and trying to protect ourselves from her murdering us in our sleep. She put bleach in a water bottle and ran to try to stop me from drinking it, just enough to let me know what she was up to. Daily,, I prayed and called for spiritual help and on the day we moved our daughter into her dorm she had movers come in and take most of my things, clothes, shoes, jewelry and photographs. I know that these are only possessions, she tried to hurt me by leaving me naked forcing me to fight her, and take her to court. I didn’t I refuse to give her my power. Her maternal attempt to eat her own has come to a final end. We are a happier and healthier family, my brothers and I our closer, my daughter understands how blessed she is and I’m grateful for all of it. She had three children who love others, who care for the environment, who have made a positive impact on society. By surviving her, the world could only become more beautiful!
    Blessings and Love,

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      What an absolutely astounding story. Yes indeed, it can get THiS bad. So glad you finally got free!

  94. Heidi
    6 years ago

    Dr. Northrup thanks for shining the light on my my marriage. I am married to a narcissist husband who has begun to brainwash my 13 year old son and is trying to do the same with my 10 year old daughter. When I say brainwash, he is in some indirect manner been turning my kids against me to the point where my son disrespects me and is has hostility toward me. It is so very disheartening to me because we were once so very close. At first I wasn’t sure what happened. But being the empath, HSP that I am I have really began toncoonect to my intuition. I have asked my partner to seek some help but of course there is no accountability and lack of responsibility. I am fighting to get out of this toxic environment but I feel pretty beaten down emotionally and in regards to self esteem. He has use financial exploitation over me to control me and keep me from leaving. I also had a narcissistic mother. Help! Please let me know what type of therapist could help me through this.

    1. Kerrigan
      6 years ago

      @ Heidi, I am in the same situation with a husband with BPD (borderline personality), my mom also has BPD (of course) and the children, 9 and 7 are hostile towards me and constantly fighting. It is heart breaking but the thought of their dad getting them 50% of the time without me there frightens me. I am slowly waking up and gaining control, which makes him fight even harder and more crazy. Deep spiritual work and journaling has helped me.

    2. Mary
      6 years ago

      This so reminds me of a man I was engaged to and lived with for years and what would have happened if I stayed with him. He proposed to me and then started saying I didn’t fold the towels squarely enough and he couldn’t marry me because of that. There was so much more and I felt I could fix it because it didn’t make sense. I believed the core of him was good. Years later he impregnated someone else and blamed it on me. Destroyed all my belongings when I left and blamed all of it on me. It destroyed me. Get out while you can or at the least get help for you both to work on the marriage. Best to you as you find your own path

    3. Christiane
      6 years ago

      12 Step meetings can help. And are free. There are an increasing number of therapists who understand character disorders. Check out Also the work of Sandra Brown who wrote Women who Love Psychopaths. Also.. please realize that you are far more powerful than you think you are. Above all, DO NOT try to convince anyone about this person. Change your behavior and get out!’

  95. Claudia
    6 years ago

    Thank you so very much for bringing this understanding to light. I have been married to a covert aggressor for over forty years and have practically driven myself out of my mind trying to figure out what I do or don’t do that makes him flip out so unexpectedly. I am a middle child from a family of six children and thereby, keeping peace has always been my MO. Thanks to your passing remark one day in an interview with R.H. I have started to understand. After you mentioned briefly about the difficulty with being married to a narcissist and what a bad idea that was, I researched the term and ultimately read “In Sheep’s Clothing” It was a real eye opener. The information from you in today’s blog is also very helpful. It provides me with some tools and some hope that I may be able to get though this and keep some sort of sanity and self esteem. I don’t really want a divorce after so many years. I have no career other than caring for my children and husband. I realize, on some level, that I keep myself at a point of borderline depression at all times because if I don’t allow myself to live at the joyful level I had always felt, the shorter fall is much less painful when he knocks me down. I know that if I allow myself to be really happy he will find a reason to beat me down. I have learned how to survive at the expense of not really living. I realize that for the first many years I had the love of my parents, five siblings, children and dogs. As these loving supports leave this realm I feel more and more desolate. I am really looking forward to your new book which I ordered yesterday and the accompanying course. Thankyou for all you do for all of us. It is appreciated more than you know.

    1. Lynda Lehmann
      6 years ago

      I was also in your situation, and was helped tremendously by reading and understanding the book, “Why Does He Do That – Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men” by author Lundy Bancroft – PRICELESS!!! I was so shocked when I finally had to admit to Myself! about what my experience with him really was – what an eye-opener!!! Do yourself the favour of checking it out and I wish you all the BEST, sister!
      Sending warm hugs to help get you through – there is great love for you here…xox

  96. Bronwyn
    6 years ago

    Reading this is reminding me of how far I’ve come! I used to be surrounded by energy vamps… at work, at home, in my family, in my network of close friends… But over time (and thanks to a terrific therapist) I learned how to raise my vibes, nourish my soul and protect my optimism and joy. As a result, the energy vamps sort of dropped away from my life… they couldn’t handle the light I was bringing. Now, I have not a single energy vampire in my orbit. Not one! Your advice is spot on, and I can report that vampire-free living is blissful!

    1. Cathy
      6 years ago

      I agree, I have a vampire college/friend, that is terrible. She claims me and jumps unannounced into my room “come, let’s go for a walk”. I have come to dislike her so much. I am two months busy moving backwards, she doesn’t even notice.

  97. Doris
    6 years ago

    My mother was an energy vampire who destroyed our family by lying, triangulating, playing favorites and denigrating her children. It was impossible to ever be good enough for her. All my life, I had lived with this creature who would suddenly swoop down on you with a vengeance over something you didn’t even know you had done. I was a high achiever and as as long as I was “winning” she would torment another one of us. There were six of us children, and all of us were damaged by her. One of us was always at the top of her “list” and sad to say, the rest of us would be relieved it wasn’t us. As an adult in my 50s, my husband helped me to realize that I didn’t have to put up with her abuse. I severed all ties with her, my health improved and when she called, my husband told her to leave me alone. When she died, I didn’t go to her funeral. One sister didn’t either; one brother went, but sat with friends. The three children who had clung to her, even though they clearly hated her, now constitute “the family.” The three of us who escaped consider ourselves survivors,

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Thank you SO much for sharing this story. Our culture always tells us that “ you’ll miss your parents when they are gone”. And in some cases. Like yours.. this is simply NOT TRUE. Their departure is a relief. And being told “ but it’s your MOTHER” when you detach. Is just plain invalidating!

  98. Shy77
    6 years ago

    I was physically abused 7 weeks after giving birth to our second kid. For some reason he was trying to make everything about himself. The new baby and my attention and love showed to this new addition seemed to make him angry and jealous. It happened a year ago and I can say that I am still healing. I didn’t realize how much I was being manipulated. I use to love myself and set necessary boundaries. But I can say now I’m working on getting back to me. As an empath I have to protect my energy. Thanks for this read. I don’t feel so alone in my journey.

  99. Michelle Amriel
    6 years ago

    Yes… my mom fits this description . I’ve struggled with this for decades of my life . It is getting easier since I now how an understanding of this illness .

    My defense has been my knowledge , wisdom and compassion for this illness. I’m getting better saying no instead of the knee jerking yes. I notice when I do say no or I’m not interested in talking , she explodes and the blame , shame and gaslighting happens . Then , I disengage . Give it space and try again at another time .

    That’s where I am now . It’s not an option for me to right her off in my life . So, finding a healthy way to Stay connected to her . Limiting contact when it’s unhealthy has helped . Since , I realized this was occurring , I learned how to manage my own emotions , respond instead of react , set healthy boundaries , know my triggers and buttons and how to speak my truth . Ive discovered so many things about myself . I learned how to turn the pain into personal victories 🙂

  100. April
    6 years ago

    Several times over the years I have been blindsided by close family and friends to whom I have been very kind and generous. The sense of betrayal made me feel devalued as a person. Devastating. Somehow reading this post helped me move forward by realizing how prevalent these “vampires “ are, and that it’s not a personal failure (that I’m not good at relationships). Thanks for your insights!

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Bless you April. Nothing is wrong with you.. or any of us who have suffered from narcissistic abuse! What a relief!

  101. Patricia
    6 years ago

    I’m in a 35 year marriage to a narcissist and now that I’ve wakened up and have recovered enough self-esteem to get good therapy, I think of my self as a living example of what NOT to do–ie. keep trying to fix a spouse who is irretrievably broken. If I’d had this much clarity at 35, I know I would have divorced him and perhaps had a chance at a happy life with a man who respected me. I might even have had a child and be looking forward to grandchildren.

    But I was kept off-balance by intermittent verbal and emotional abuse and I stayed. And now I’m 71 and cannot bear the stress and heartbreak of losing my beloved house and being forced to move away from my support network. We live in one of the most expensive areas of the US and I couldn’t keep the house and still have enough to have the kind of life I want, with travel and gardening and books…lots of books.

    So please, please, if you’re in a relationship with one of these broken people, resist the urge to help them and run like hell. And find a therapist who’s experienced in dealing with abuse survivors.

    1. Joanne
      6 years ago

      I remember when I was 33 and had the strength to look hard at my insufferable marriage and then project where I would be 10 years from then if I did nothing. That 10 year glimpse into the dreary future if I didn’t act was so intolerable that I took all the steps to get away from him, divorce, go back to school and have a good life. The point I want to get across to you is at that time I remember thinking that I’d rather live in a box (yes, literally that’s what I thought) than stay in that nice house with him. So yes you might be in an expensive nice neighbourhood but is it worth it? Yes you’re 71 and not “young” but you don’t have one foot in the grave either. So maybe think about making your last couple of decades quality ones!

      1. Christiane
        6 years ago

        Great advice!!

  102. deborah winslade
    6 years ago

    I am really struggling, I think my daughter is an energy vampire, it is so very difficult to distance myself from her, by doing so I distance myself from 3 granddaughters ( one of whom I brought up till she was 4) . She really turns extremely nasty for no reasons, lies about most things, even when there is no reason to lie. When things are calm she appears kind and thoughtful but I darent let her help or do anything to help because she would then use it like a weapon against me. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you xx

  103. Anne
    6 years ago

    Wow, amazing article I’d heard of this but you articulated this so brilliantly I really got it thanks !

  104. May
    6 years ago

    This was a very interesting article. Most days I feel so drained by my partner and I can’t even figure out what is wrong. He is a good person but everything I ask him to do he always has to make sure he does the opposite.For example, I had just cleaned the stove and that same day after he made popcorn there was oil everywhere because he forgot to cover the corn on time which I have told him a million times. I asked him to pay his medical bill more than 5 times, he forgot until he got legally served. Constant mini assaults and he changes for a few days and then goes back to the same pattern, I cry, I yell and he stops, makes promises, says he listens then starts again. I have given up and I try not to say much but if this is the price to have a good man in your life I really rather be alone in this world. The sad thing is he apologizes and every time just says it’s not intentional, he just forgot but It happens frequently with some many issues, I feel so drained by him even though I care deeply for him. At this point, I have built in resentments with all the micro assaults he does but I blame myself because I think my standards for cleanliness/order are just higher than his but I just wish he would just cooperate if he loves as much as says. When I try to talk to him about serious issues he dismisses it as my hormones, he has to run to work or me being too sensitive or bitchy.

    He has diabetes and has never been compliant plus I have to push him by a thousand to take a walk or go to gym. At this point, I feel like a vampire has sucked my life.I use to run and make healthy meals but now I have stopped caring. I had dated much in my youth and met every cheater, liar in NYC and when we met I finally thought I had found love and the peace I deserved but now I have even stopped being physical with him. I have gained weight, lost my job,the daily stress ups and downs of arguments for little things. Healthy eating/ cooking arguments have gotten so big I gave up on him and us and I stopped cooking altogether because I got tired of having to be the only one caring, getting vegetables, planning the meals and encouraging healthy living. The resistance has caused much apathy in me.In all fairness, I lost a lot this year too even my abusive mom ended in a nursing home due to alzheimers but I have what is left of myself and an angel guide dog. I also bought an apt in nyc in my 20’s that is now worth doubled. There are days i feel like selling it and running away to finally live life again.
    We are young I am 49 and he at 50 almost died of a stroke, the stress with him, is killing me yet I have no family, children or friends and I justify it because he doesn’t hit me, cheats on me, and he in other ways shows so much love. He hand made me a sunflower wood garden that brought tears to my eyes becuase he knows I love sunflowers. I am very confused but I know how my body feels and there are so many days I wish I wasn’t around for another. Sorry to say this but it’s the truth, I never had a kinder more harm causing partner in my life.Maybe he is just an emotional vampire like in the movie they allure you with love and kindness for the occasional ultimate sacrifice of your soul and body. Anyone else with a kind person who it feels like it’s killling you? Any pointers? What should I do? Should I leave and be happy with never having another love? I realize I matter too but after 8 years I still pray for a miracle somehow he changes. He is after all a good person, maybe I am just fooling myself?

    1. Annette
      6 years ago

      fooling yourself.
      you cannot change him.
      my heart is broken over my husband, who is also a good man, but has no respect, admiration, support or concern for me. and HE left ME!! i’m not good enough. or maybe i’m TOO good for him (which I am), and he feels threatened by me, so i had to go.
      but he had to be the one to do the leaving.
      a narcissist can never be at fault. i have years of recovery ahead of me.
      good luck and God bless you.

  105. Terri Lynn Fucile
    6 years ago

    Good and useful article, however, I feel that the term energy vampire needs to be reframed. Now that I am trauma informed, I find the term to actually be quite derogatory. Someone who is an energy vampire is likely someone who has undiagnosed developmental trauma and is seeking to co-regulate with another because they didn’t have the opportunity to learn to self regulate on their own at a young age. Learning this gave me a lot of compassion for the individuals that I once referred to as energy vampires. Removing my judgement went a long way in relieving my symptoms in their presence.

  106. Lisa
    6 years ago

    I appreciate this information. I work with a team of energy vampires. Although I am an eternal optimist, I find myself feeling drained, upset and depleted after being surrounded by them. My interaction tends to occur weekly but as an empath, it takes days for me to fully recover. Thanks for clearly stating self-protection should be the primary goal because now it is at the top of my list. I like the strategies you listed. At times, I physically leave the space for moments at a time. I drink lots of water during the “witch hunt” sessions I’m subjected to. I also daydream and write positive affirmations during these half day meetings.

  107. Aubrey
    6 years ago

    Ah, yes. An entire side of my family is full of these vampires…who are quick as quick can be to deflect the blame on to others for their own actions…will even blame children and punish them for crimes they themselves committed!
    Took me years to realize this and step away. Once I stepped away, I heard nothing but really terrible things from 3rd parties about myself, my daughter, my chosen friends…the barrage was absolutely insane. I just keep my head high and kept saying ‘ you’ll see, I’m telling you, stay away from these people or they will suck you in to their whirlwind of abuse, lies, manipulation, control, tantrums, etc etc…’
    They’re mad as hell I stepped away… because I have the energy they sooo desire.
    But…my life has improved dramatically since I stepped away. Everything from my relationships, to finances, to my quality of life, to my health and happiness have been much improved since I then.
    In fact, it’s improved so much that I am finally able to work through my heavily abusive childhood and actually solve issues through the use of tapping. I love tapping and it has seriously helped me more in the last year than 10+ years of talk therapy ever did!
    And more and more doors keep opening for me! My intuition is on fire! I only trust my gut and it never steers me wrong.
    I am so grateful for this new shot at life, the life I am meant to have and am worthy of! You’ve definitely had a hand in that, and I truly appreciate you and your work, Dr. Northrup! Thank you!

  108. Lois
    6 years ago

    I’ve recently separated from one. Practising the “no”, and re-building myself.
    Days are up and down, and as we have a child together, he will never be completely out of my life.
    I have a good support system, and a good friend that really gets it.
    I moved out of our home 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I knew I would have a long way to go. Now that I’m out, I realize more the extent of this way.

    Realizing he was a narcissist and energy vampire did a great deal in protecting myself – i.e. reading about what I’ve actually been going through, and going through the days with that knowledge. It still hits though, and even if I never forget that this is who he is, he will manage to catch me off guard.

    I am a work in progress, and will get my self back! 🙂

  109. Rebecca Parsons
    6 years ago

    Hi Christiane

    Thank you for this post, excellent timing as always 🙂 i work for a narcissist/ energy vampire and he is the hopefully the last of many that i have worked with. I say the last as i believe the reoccuring pattern comes from trying to ‘understand and save’ my father and sister who are both evampires. I’ve realised it, but I’m not sure how to break it as i still feel so much compassion for them all, i know that’s unhealthy but i do. I feel like if they only felt understood and loved at their most vulnerable moments that they would then grow. Then i snap out of it and distance myself as much as i can. What would be your thoughts on this? I’m ready to break the pattern, just not sure how 🙂 🙂 thank you so much!! Much love, Rebecca

    1. Joanne
      6 years ago

      I’m betting you have the insight and the tools to continue to protect your energy from your boss, father and sister. In case Christiane doesn’t respond to you, I feel you’re perhaps looking for validation from another compassionate person. For someone to say “Rebecca, you’re ok, you’re doing a good job protecting yourself”. There. I said it. In case Christiane doesn’t respond, hopefully this’ll make you feel validated!

    2. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Check out

      You need help from someone who understands the energetic and addictive aspects of this dynamic. Bottom line. You are NOT to blame but you are responsible for taking care of yourself now. We all are!

  110. Adrienne Gill
    6 years ago

    I am so very grateful for you Dr. Christiane Northrop! Your light, beautiful presence in this world and Divine support has got me through my sometimes depressing and scary journey. I am an empath to the highest degree. I have become a massage therapist and board certified Poarity Therapist I have used and continue to use ancient and modern techniques to clear and protect myself and help other sensitive souls. I have 2 brilliant and relentless vampires in my life. My mother and daughter. I use to have 3. My now ex husband which is now living in same condo complex as me with his girlfriend and her children. I’m like really God”. What’s up with this?? My daughter and her boyfriend and my beautiful 9 mo grandson are living with me ( until they can afford their own place) and also my 19 year old Son who is my savings Grace in my life! I have done everything for my daughter to prove to her I love her and to make up for divorcing her daddy and displacing her from her house now I am in financial crisis and am still expected to hold it all together. I am now reading your newest book Making life Easy also Emmanuel Dagher Easy Breezy Prosperity. I surround myself constantly with your emails and blogs and other high vibrating teachers and masters of unconditional love! This is my savings Grace! Thank you for being there and shining the light and showing us the way home. Blessings always. ❤️⭐️

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Watch the miniseries Dr Foster. Illuminating for all healers. And put yourself and your needs FIRST! Eventually this will change the dynamic..clamp the cord on your giving to those who can’t reciprocate. Simple Not even close to easy!!!

  111. Danielle Hendrickson
    6 years ago

    You know I love this!! Thank you!

    1. Christiane
      6 years ago

      Ah YES!!

  112. Kamla
    6 years ago

    I must say how much I love you and your work, thank you. How I have protected myself. I found that learning all I can about NPD and limiting contact has saved my life.

  113. SA
    6 years ago

    Wow! What timing!!! Hits me in the core. When these vampires are professional persons it is even harder to leave as everyone around you look at you as if you are ungrateful and not supportive. Yes I live with one and I am in the process of leaving.It has been a long road and the end is no where in sight

  114. Tricia
    6 years ago

    Is it possible to have private conversation with you? Thank you.

  115. Jessica
    6 years ago

    I’m an INFJ with and extremely honed sense of empathy. My last relationship was with a narcissist with sociopathic traits. I’m a little over a year of no contact and just finally starting to heal from the 3 year ordeal. In reflection I see that this is not my first intimate relationship with a narcissist, but this is has been a pattern for me.
    Working daily with clearing my energy of others energy and listening to my intuition, even if it doesn’t make sense at first, has been essential to my healing.
    Really great stuff here in this article. I’m so glad to see this topic being openly discussed further and helping empaths gain back their lives.

  116. Nancy
    6 years ago

    I was married to an energy vampire for 20 years. I thought I was the problem the whole marriage. Everything was wonderful the first few years. Years later I realized the amount of lies being told. I would wake up after rolling out of bed in the middle of the night half asleep sitting crouched on the floor because I wasn’t sure who I was sleeping with in my own bed. It took me years to finally realize that was my intuition saying that something was wrong.

  117. Ava
    6 years ago

    Thank you for this wonderful post, Christine. So timely.
    My sister is a narcissist with an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I recently had a HUGE falling out with her as I am no longer willing to let her drain my energy because she feels empty. It doesn’t even help her and it is a dynamic (with her and others) that contributed to a 7 year chronic illness of mine. The cost of my health is not worth walking on egg shells and paying an ‘energy toll’ to keep the relationship on ok grounds. Either she will do some growing and we can have some sort of a relationship, or not. I am just happy to be free of the toxic dynamic.

    1. Zsazsa
      6 years ago

      Ava your story resonates with me my sister was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder over 12 years ago at my insistence after I read an article that described her to a T. The emotional toll that she has caused our family over the years would take too long to express, I had suffered for years as the empath taking in all her garbage until I sought professional help to allow myself to draw those boundaries with her. It’s ok to let go don’t walk on those eggshells hang in there !

      1. Christiane
        6 years ago


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