Thanksgiving is one holiday that is all about the food. There is often a lot of anticipation about the day and lots of planning around the meal. These traditions can be wonderful and joyful. And it can be nice to celebrate in the tradition of our parents and grandparents and their ancestors.
But as with any holiday, Thanksgiving can bring up many unresolved issues around food, family and more. That’s often because we live very different lives than our relatives live. So, it can be useful to update our holidays with some new traditions to go along with the old rituals.
Here are 4 practices to help make Thanksgiving and any holiday joyous:
- Create a time to express gratitude. Enumerating what you feel grateful for can give you a greater sense of well-being. Saying out loud that you are grateful for your family, your health, or your personal circumstances can actually make those things even better. Sharing your gratitude with others also has an uplifting effect.
- Cultivate a spirit of sharing. While preparing a huge feast can energize some people, it can leave others feeling overwhelmed. Offering to help someone with the cooking or allowing others to help you creates a sense of togetherness and can help ease any tension that may exist among family members.
- Allow your family rituals to evolve. Studies show that the most successful rituals are those that change with the times. Bringing new members into the fold (husbands, wives, in-laws, children, or friends) is an opportunity to learn new traditions and expand your outlook. And remember that Thanksgiving can have a different meaning for some. For example, some Native Americans mark Thanksgiving as a day of mourning.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Letting go of petty issues you have with a sibling, spouse, or parent for one day or one meal while you celebrate can go a long way toward helping you cultivate gratitude and perspective. When you do this, you will enjoy your holiday even more.
How to Avoid the Food Wars During the Holiday Season
During the holiday season, with all the family meals and treat-heavy traditions, it can be hard to steer clear of unhealthy food. But there are ways you can enjoy holiday meals while staying true to your own food values.
Here are 5 healthy tricks to get you through the holidays with your body and spirit intact:
- Plan ahead. Breaking bread with family does not mean you need to eat food that you don’t like just to please them. Instead bring a dish or two of your own to share so that you can enjoy the meal as well. If you are the host, allow others to bring a dish of their choice so that they feel part of the tradition and have food that they enjoy.
- Know what to say. In theory, saying “no, thank you” should work when you are passed a dish that you prefer not to eat. But we all have relatives and friends that insist you eat everything being served. If you know you will encounter this situation it is good to be prepared with your response. You could say, “I’m gluten intolerant,” if you are passing on the stuffing. Or “I have given up sugar,” if you do not want to eat pie. You don’t need to go into long explanations.
- Relax your food rules. While sticking to your preferred foods may be what you prefer, sometimes it can be good to relax your food rules a bit and experience a meal, such as Thanksgiving, without your usual restrictions. This can help make the occasion more joyful for you and everyone else. You can simply return to your preferred way of eating during your next meal.
- Eat for pleasure. The most important part of any meal is the enjoyment factor. So be sure to taste your food. It may sound obvious but savoring the flavors and textures of your food makes it a pleasurable experience. And this, in turn, makes it healthful. In addition, when you savor your food, you are less likely to overindulge and may even stave off unwanted digestive issues.
- Try some new recipes. Thanksgiving is a great opportunity to try something new. While there may be some naysayers at the table, you and others may enjoy trying creative, healthy, easy-to-prepare alternatives to traditional dishes. This can help take some of the pressure off the meal, create a more lighthearted atmosphere, and can even help you forge new family dynamics.
5 Tips for Coping with Energy Vampires During the Holidays
At some point most of you will have to spend a holiday with someone who is your own personal energy vampire. Here’s are my 5 tips for getting through it:
- Laugh it off. The holidays are not the best time to resolve family conflicts. But having a sense of humor can go a long way. Recently, my friend Susie told me that her mother had fallen and was experiencing some sore muscles. Susie, herself, was healing from a painful sports injury and related medical procedure. While Susie was cooking Thanksgiving dinner for her family, Susie’s father asked how she was feeling. Susie’s mother snapped, “Hey guys, this is about me!” Susie responded in a jovial tone, “Yeah, Dad. How dare you ask about me!” Everyone laughed, and the family was able to enjoy their meal. If it’s too difficult to laugh, try getting outside frequently for some fresh air.
- Load up on self-love. Remember that you can’t heal a vampire. Focus on loading up on lots of self-love before and after you are in their presence. Check out Matt Kahn’s videos on YouTube such as “Raising Your Vibration.”
- Say “no.” Vampires are good at making you believe that something is wrong with you. Saying “no” when your vampire tries to force you to engage in a conversation or activity that causes you stress lets them know that your feelings and emotions matter and that you are willing to stand up for yourself. You do not need to be confrontational. Simply say “no” or “no, thank you” and change the subject or leave the room for a bit. Hold your truth in your heart, whether your personal vampire validates it or not.
- Distance yourself. After the holiday, take a break from your personal vampire, even if that person is a sibling or parent. If the holiday was particularly hard for you, you can write a letter telling your vampire what you feel. You don’t have to send it.
- Plan your “ideal” holiday. You can always change the dynamic of your next family holiday with a little planning. Write out the list of people you will include, what food you (and others) will prepare, and how you envision the entire holiday looking and feeling. You can also plan what you will say to those you do not include. The important thing here is to create what works for you and leave behind what doesn’t.
5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Attending a Family Holiday
Over the past few years I have heard many stories of people being excluded from family holidays because they are not “vaccinated.” Now that the truth is finally coming out, many of the same people who vilified others for not complying and allowing their lives to be controlled by Big Government and Big Pharma want amnesty for their actions. This is classic energy vampire behavior on every level! However, there are also many others who made mistakes and are truly sorry for how they reacted, spoke, or treated family and friends.
So, before you attend a family holiday get together or dive back into relationships that were severed by no choice of your own, here are 5 questions to ask yourself:
- Is “I’m sorry” enough? True forgiveness is a complex process that requires long-term work. So, it’s important to ask yourself if getting a simple “I’m sorry” in certain situations will be enough for you. Is “I’m sorry, but we didn’t know then what we know now” going to be enough coming from your adult child who didn’t let you see your grandchildren for 3 years? What about from the store or restaurant owner who would not let you pay cash, required you keep a mask on your face, and enforced social distancing? Can you accept ignorance as an excuse for a loved one’s words or actions? What about from a boss? There is no right or wrong answer. Personally, I know that if someone really wants to regain my trust after violating our relationship, I need them to take full responsibility and fix it. I need real repentance!
- What type of relationship do you want? Are you willing to gloss over whatever disagreements you have with loved ones to keep the peace and attempt to have the relationship you once had? Or do you want to be able to have honest conversations and real intimacy? Again, there is no right or wrong answer. But knowing what you need in your relationships is the first step toward ensuring a happy holiday season. Also, you don’t have to “fix” every relationship to enjoy the holidays with family. Determine what (and who) you can be with and for how long. And always feel free to leave if a situation becomes untenable for you.
- Do you need to express anger? Anger is good when used and expressed properly. But a family holiday is usually not the best place to initiate a tirade. If you believe you can improve a relationship by expressing anger properly, it’s best to do it before gathering for the holidays. If you are unable to have the difficult conversations you need to have prior to gathering with family, you may want to make plans with friends who are like-minded and support you. Attending a family holiday dinner while holding unexpressed anger could result in a much worse situation.
- Is the person asking for forgiveness your energy vampire? ‘Tis the season…for energy vampires to come out of the woodwork. And perpetrators are quick to call for forgiveness. With everything that has transpired over the past few years, it may be hard to distinguish real remorse from narcissistic behavior. If you are unsure what you are dealing with during the holidays, set your boundaries in advance and make a plan to address any outstanding issues after the holidays as you see fit.
- How do you move forward after the holidays? Do you jump in with both feet when a family member invites you back into the fold? Do you reestablish your patronage to businesses that didn’t allow you to enter unless you complied with mandates? It can feel good to relive our “past lives” during the holidays. But the truth is there is no going back to the way we were. And relationships built on love and respect do not include coercion, control, and criticism. If your family relations are saturated with these, the emotional harm you have experienced will continue to resurface until you address it.
However you answer these questions, it’s important to know that mutual respect and personal freedom are the qualities needed to set a firm foundation for relationships in which you can truly be yourself. Many people have discovered entirely new circles of friends during the past 3 years—possibly for the first time in their lives! This might be the year that you create new holiday traditions with your new-found soul families.