You Can Succeed at Online Dating

by Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Relationships

A while ago a friend sent me a story from the New York Times wedding section about a woman named Meg, an attractive and successful woman in her 50’s who had met and married the man of her dreams. During her search, Meg worked with love mentor Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of Love in 90 Days and a PBS special of the same name. And because I knew Meg and her story, I contacted Diana to find out her secrets. Thus began my adventure in online dating.

This is the era of abundant love. More people are meeting and “mating” than ever before in history. And all because of the Internet. So if you’re looking for love online, here are some tips to improve your likelihood of meeting that special someone.

  1. Think sales and marketing. Or bees to honey. If you are a flower, what makes bees come to you? When you go by a store window or look at a book cover, what draws you in? Well—it’s the same with your online profile. Make sure it’s designed to attract what you desire in a person. I went on eHarmony. The very fact that it takes several hours to fill out the profile means that you are far less likely to attract people who are just looking for a hook up.
  1. Forget your age and your weight. Most men really don’t care nearly as much about your age or your weight as you’ve been led to believe. What they’re looking for is a fun woman with a great smile.
  1. Wear red. Diana has done all the research. Men (if that’s the gender you’re interested in) are attracted to red. And to headshots with big smiles. So smile into the camera. And show some décolleté. I asked a friend go out on a sunny autumn day and take fun pictures of me for my profile. I had my hair blown out first and applied make-up. In one of the pictures I am standing near my boat.
  2. Do not include pictures with your children or grandchildren. You want to showcase YOU, not your family.
  1. Approach this as you would a college course. And with a sense of humor and fun! It’s a new beginning. Every time you dress up to meet a new person—and go out the door—your energy lifts and you become far more attractive. You’re in the game. I learned a huge amount about myself and about men through my experience with online dating. I could feel the hearts of the men I met. Many of them really liked me. It was a huge boost for my self-esteem as a woman. I also learned that I could tell within 30 seconds who I wanted to spend time with and who I didn’t.
  1. You’re human. Every one—men and women both—feels vulnerable about putting their heart on their sleeve. Doesn’t matter who you are or how much education you have. It takes courage to admit that love and companionship are extremely important things to you. Dare greatly. You have nothing to lose.

And by the way, one of my closest friends—who followed my advice—met her current husband within the first month of online dating. He contacted only one person when he put up his profile—her. This month they’re taking a six-month trip around the world. Very cool. And who says, you won’t be next?

Have you ever done online dating? Please share any other tips that have worked for you.

Last Updated: January 21, 2014

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., is a visionary pioneer and a leading authority in the field of women’s health and wellness. Recognizing the unity of body, mind, and spirit, she empowers women to trust their inner wisdom, their connection with Source, and their ability to truly flourish.

Comments

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  1. Jan
    4 years ago

    I’m interested in finding my last/best Soulmate! Two things I’ve learned from online dating: 1. it’s very much like real estate: I am NOT Homeless! Just because I’ve been a widow for 14 years, does not mean I don’t have lots of love around me. 2. If, after looking for homes (or relationships online) for 6 months to a year I don’t find what I want, it doesn’t mean anything about me! It just means what I’m looking for (and I’m clear about the qualities I need to be happy) isn’t available on the market right now!

  2. Angie
    5 years ago

    Unfortunately, many people online (men and women) are untruthful. However, I have met some nice men online. Two I dated seriously, and are still very good friends. I’m 48, and finally on my way to celebrating myself. I no longer want to find Mr. Right, if he actually exists!

  3. Ellie
    5 years ago

    Yes you can succeed at online dating if you lower your standards enough.

  4. Ellie
    5 years ago

    I have tried online dating for over 10 yrs. I find it flawed in may ways. I look younger than my age. I am proud of my age. Most attractive healthy men with a decent job are not looking in the 50 yr old age category, they want younger women. So do we lie? this isn’t a good start is it? I end up with much older OR much younger men contacting me.
    I have to agree with what April has said.

  5. Darlene
    5 years ago

    I am 63 years old. I have been on several dating sites. I have not meet one man that is really looking for “their last love”. They have all told me that I am beautiful, intelligent, fun, and very easy to be with”. In the end, I don’t know what I am doing wrong. How do I pick a truthful person to start with……Help….

  6. April
    5 years ago

    I have met men on eHarmony that just wanted a hook up, and I have met some wonderful guys who are now my friends on line on other sites. For me, online dating isn’t my cup of tea, My experience with online dating was that I always seemed to meet men who were not divorced, but said they were- rebounding. I have met men who are 50 and still angry at the High School girlfriend, and I have been approached by couples, which kind of grossed me out.

  7. Kathryn
    5 years ago

    “Staying stuck in your comfort zone is a far bigger risk.”…so true. The longer I stayed in my comfort zone, the unhappier I got until the Universe finally pushed me out of my comfort bubble and WOW! As soon as I started to trust that I was exactly where I needed to be, great things started happening, and yes—it IS an adventure! Thank you for the kind words, and I can’t wait for your Feb 4th event, Dr. Northrup!!

  8. Sally JG
    5 years ago

    I did not find my love on line. Funnily enough we literally saw each other over a crowded room and varrroommmmm, 5 years later we are lovingly cohabiting. When we were both single we did date on line and I met some lovely men who became my friends and he met some lovely women who became his friends, and now some of these women are my good friends also. So online dating opens up people to people not only for love but also for rewarding relationships into the future.

  9. Christiane Northrup
    5 years ago

    Kathryn, I just loved your comment about glowing when you’re doing something you love!!good point! Don’t do online dating if you are feeling bad about yourself. Or looking for someone to complete you. Just see it as an adventure. Yes, it’s a risk. But that’s what life is. A big risk. Staying stuck in your comfort zone is a far bigger risk.BTW, everyone is looking for fun and love. Everyone.i’ll be covering all this and more in my Live Online event starting Feb 4!

  10. Kathryn
    5 years ago

    Online dating is a great way to meet people if you are sure of who you are and what you want and you stick to your standards. If you’re still figuring out who you are, pick up a social hobby, like a volunteer service, a hiking group, a gardening club—something you’re passionate about. If the end game is to follow your passions, someone will fall in love when they see you in your zone, doing what enriches and feeds your soul. Nothing makes a woman glow more than doing something she loves to do!

  11. Marti
    5 years ago

    I have tried some online dating and literally gotten nowhere. It was not a boost to the ego, it’s been very depressing. I think tip #1 is where I could use some help, I wish the dating service had a live chat or something so they could help with this part.

  12. Jean S
    5 years ago

    I met my husband online. I saw that we had most of the same interests which was great! We emailed for two weeks & then he asked if he could call me. We talked every night for a week & then he asked me out. The hook for me on his profile was that he said he “was looking for someone to share lifes pleasure with”. I figured the odds were against that this was a “troubled” person & I was right. By the 2nd date I knew he was the one for me. Happily married for 9 years now.

  13. Grace
    5 years ago

    I have long time in eharmony, I don’t know what happen, not body ansewer, I feel well byself, atractive women and my heart is open for tru love. Thank you.

  14. Carolyn
    5 years ago

    Dr Northrup- have you found anyone online?

  15. Patti
    5 years ago

    I’ve tried unsuccessfully to find love on many different dating sites; Match, POF, EHarmony, Cupid. I must be doing something wrong because I’m attracting all the wrong men.

  16. Pat
    5 years ago

    I spent a year of fun and affection with the very first coffee date I met online.
    He has a wife with Alzheimer’s in a home and visited daily.
    My ex also has Alzheimer’s and I keep in touch too.
    We went on our first trip away for a week and once home he broke it off. Said the guilt was too much to handle.
    So I am broken hearted but shall try once again to find some one.
    Oh he is 75 and I am 71.
    Any comments as I don’t understand loneliness being easier then guilt.

  17. Joanne Sephine
    5 years ago

    With 35 dates, 7,500+ views, many accolades for photos and profile, I could write a book! This is from a male profile: You are warm, caring, attractive, intelligent, active, and fit. You have accomplishments but are still looking to do more. You want to keep learning and doing new things. You have a sense of adventure and are willing to take the risk to push yourself. You want to pack as much quality enjoyment into your life as you can, and to share that life with a long term partner.

  18. linda flores
    5 years ago

    I am so interested since I am single for 10 years but I am so afraid of finding love online. I am a Pilipino now here in America. Thank you for the information maybe one day I can try it.

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