“Food is the most intimate thing you can buy...Unlike clothes and shoes that dress the outside, food goes into your body and builds who you become.” – Ani Phyo

I knew I had to share this quote with you. It is the essence of what I mean when I talk about eating to flourish. Think about it and let it sink in. Making decisions about your health takes on a whole new meaning when you know what you want to do with your life and who you want to be, doesn’t it?

Let’s talk about diet a little bit. I’ve studied nutrition, different diets, and medical studies for 45 years. And I’ve been asked the how-to’s of weight loss many times. Over the last 15 years or so, I’ve shared a lot of what I’ve learned with you, so you probably know that maintaining a certain Body Mass Index (BMI) is best. (A BMI of 25 or under, FYI.) You probably also know that eating low-glycemic foods keeps your blood sugar from spiking. Rapid changes in blood sugar levels stimulate cravings, which leads to weight gain, and increase the likelihood of systemic inflammation, which leads to chronic degenerative diseases. I’m sure you also know it’s almost impossible to stay trim without exercise, and that even a little exercise goes a long way.

Ultimately, reaching and maintaining healthy body composition and vibrant health through the right food choices happens in both your mind and body. Trust me—merely sticking to the latest fad diet or reaching for the perfect BMI won’t bring about the transformation. It is, indeed, personal.

What you eat—and when—affects your emotions and spirit as well. Of course you know there are often emotional reasons behind gain weight (or becoming too thin). Ignoring the emotional component of weight gain (or loss) can sabotage you when you’re in the midst of the diet wars. Some people eat because they’re bored, sad, or lonely. And you may be one of them. Women often drown their sorrows in a bowl of ice cream after a break up. We’ve all done it! It feels good for a few minutes. But it really doesn’t support the person you ultimately want to be—a happy, whole individual with a satisfying life.

I know many women who use food as a reward, too. You’ve all heard someone say: “When I finish this project, I’ll treat myself to a pizza.” (Or whatever.) Now that you’ve read Ani Phyo’s quote, is this how you want to reward yourself? And is it really a treat?

Now, I’m not saying you should never have pizza or ice cream, etc. Every once in a while, I crave garlic mashed potatoes or gooey chocolate brownies and I go for it! Without the guilt. That’s because I’m a big proponent of the 80/20 rule (or, realistically, the 90/10 rule). I also try to indulge with high quality choices. It’s OK to give into cravings sometimes. What’s important is you’re still choosing a better quality of life.

A good strategy is to find a healthier substitute. For example, I use Stevia in place of white sugar; savor a square of organic dark chocolate instead of gulping down a pile of stale, leftover Halloween candy; or eat a thin crust pizza with lots of veggies instead of a deep dish pizza with a thick crust.

More Inspiration

One of the reasons I chose to share this quote is that at this time of year you start to think about baring your body in a bathing suit. If you live in a climate with a cold winter, it’s quite common to be drawn to comfort foods during the dark, cold days only to find in April that you’ve gained 10-15 pounds. I want you to have a reason to lose weight that goes beyond the superficial drive to look good in a bathing suit.

If you’re looking for a way to put Ani Phyo’s philosophy into practice, don’t bother looking at supermodels for inspiration. Genetically, most women will never look like one—and it would be unhealthy for them to try. It’s not about having a perfect body. (Whatever that is!) It’s about having the perfect body for you, specifically what you want to do with it.

Consider the grandmother who easily gets up from the floor after playing with her grandchildren for hours. Is this who you want to be? Perhaps it’s a senior executive who has stamina to travel, work long hours, and truly thrive in a career she loves? Or maybe it’s a young, full-time mom who wants to have lots of energy? Or a college student who doesn’t want to put on that “freshmen 15” because it will mean a slip in her self-confidence?

One of the reasons that I stay healthy and fit is my passion for Argentine Tango. I plan to dance well into my 90’s.

Once you find your inspiration, then check out my chapters on diet and nutrition in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and the Wisdom of Menopause for more how-to’s. Chapter 17 “Eat to Flourish” in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom should be particularly helpful to you. There are also many articles on this Web site that give specific instructions for conquering weight gain, especially at midlife.

In honor of Mother’s Day, a day when we celebrate women everywhere, I encourage you to eat in a way that supports the happy, dynamic, sensual, intelligent, fun, playful, spiritual, successful, studious, serious, organized, and/or joyous woman inside you!

The holidays are a crucible for relationship meltdowns. Loved ones with differing expectations, familial patterns, and needs get together to create a “Hallmark moment.” Even in the best of circumstances, this can be a set up for dysfunction and stress. At midlife, it can be even tougher. I wrote about this in the newly revised edition of The Wisdom of Menopause, which will be available in January 2012.

“It is no secret that relationship crises are a common side effect of menopause. Usually this is attributed to the crazy-making effects of the hormonal shifts occurring in a woman’s body at this time of transition. What is rarely acknowledged or understood is that as these hormone-driven changes affect the brain, they give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice, and a voice that insists on speaking up about them. In other words, they uncover hidden wisdom—and the courage to voice it. As the vision-obscuring veil created by the hormones of reproduction begins to lift, a woman’s youthful fire and spirit are often rekindled, together with long-sublimated desires and creative drives. Midlife fuels those drives with a volcanic energy that demands an outlet.

“If it does not find an outlet—if the woman remains silent for the sake of keeping the peace at home or work, or if she holds herself back from pursuing her creative urges and desires—the result is equivalent to plugging the vent on a pressure cooker: Something has to give. Very often what gives is the woman’s health, and the result will be one or more of the “big three” diseases of postmenopausal women: heart disease, depression, and breast cancer. On the other hand, for those of us who choose to honor the body’s wisdom and to express what lies within us, it’s a good idea to get ready for some boat rocking, which may put long-established relationships in upheaval. Marriage is not immune to this effect.”

And neither are your relationships with other family members.

Your family and friends are bound to respond differently to you as you grow and change. When it comes to these dynamics, change makes people uncomfortable—how will your newly adopted lifestyle affect them? Even changing your hairstyle is enough to stir the pot, sometimes.

So what can you do? Here are some ideas:

1. See it for the Petri dish it is. Expect resistance!
2. Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be the good girl who sees to everyone’s needs except her own. This goes for any pattern you’re trying to break.
3. As you end or update some relationships, you may feel a little sad. That’s OK. Grieve and let go. By doing so, you’ll be protecting your health for years to come.
4. Laugh. Bringing humor into a situation almost always eases tension.
5. Distance yourself—even if it means skipping the traditional family get together—so you don’t become emotional or stressed by others’ behavior.

I would love to hear about how you’ve established new boundaries as you have grown through the years. Please leave a comment below! Note: Comments are not posted immediately, but often show up in 24 hours or less.

There’s no question that heart palpitations at menopause are related to changing hormones. However, my experience has been that in many midlife women, heart palpitations are primarily from increasing heart energy trying to get in and be embodied in a woman’s life. At midlife our hearts and bodies often become increasingly sensitive to those things that don’t serve us, including caffeine, refined carbohydrates, aspartame, alcohol, or monosodium glutamate, all of which may overstimulate our hearts. You also might need to avoid scary, violent, or emotionally draining news, movies, books, or individuals. Your heart may also be telling you it’s time to pay attention to your deepest desires or what your heart is longing to express.

The following letter from Terri, one of my e-letter subscribers, is typical of how midlife heart palpitations are often present.

I am a forty-eight-year-old female with no major health problems. I do not take any prescription medicine. I walk five times a week and go to the gym about twice a week to do some light weight lifting. My periods are still fairly regular. I have a fairly healthy diet, although it could be better. I drink about a cup of coffee a day, but usually don’t drink soft drinks. About a month ago, after a fatty fast-food meal and a large cup of coffee in the early evening, I started experiencing heart irregularities. I felt like my heart was skipping a beat and was going to beat out of my chest!

This went on for a couple of days and I went to see my doctor. She did an EKG, which was slightly abnormal, and scheduled me for a stress echocardiogram and Holter monitor. Of course, by the time I had these tests, the palpitations had stopped and the results were normal. Then about a week later, they started again.

I have cut out drinking coffee and started doing more yoga. I have also started taking more magnesium, in addition to my multivitamins. I have monitored what is going on with my life and I can’t seem to find any pattern to when these occur. Most nights when I lie down in bed they usually start up, especially when I lie on my left side. My doctor wants to start me on a low dose of a beta- blocker. I told her I would like to start using natural progesterone cream routinely for a couple of months because I feel these palpitations may be related to hormonal changes.

I would really like to avoid taking heart medications. However, these palpitations can interrupt my sleep and are very uncomfortable. Are these palpitations hormonally related?

My suggestion to Terri was that she go through the program for creating heart health I outline in the chapter “Living With Heart, Passion, and Joy” in the revised edition of The Wisdom of Menopause. Her midlife heart is obviously becoming very sensitive, alerting her to the need to balance freedom and connection and also to nourish her heart fully. I concur with her intuitive desire to start on some natural progesterone as a way to balance potential estrogen dominance. (Note: Natural progesterone is not the same as Provera. Provera is a man-made form of progesterone, and studies have shown this synthetic hormone can harm the heart.) Besides, progesterone is known to be very calming to the nervous system. It may well help her with sleeping. In addition, her heart is telling her to stop drinking caffeine. The caffeine in one cup of coffee can take up to ten hours to be metabolized in women, so it exerts a stimulatory effect on the central nervous system and the nerves of the heart for quite some time. For many women, heart palpitations stop as soon as they begin to take progesterone cream or estrogen, stop caffeine, and also normalize blood sugar and insulin levels through dietary change.

But it’s also important to find out what your heart is yearning for. One of my patients with heart palpitations found that they stopped soon after she asked for a promotion at work, something she hadn’t had the courage to do before. She got the promotion and finds her work more fulfilling than ever. Her heart no longer has to speak so loudly. 

What kinds of messages have you received from your heart? What steps have you taken to honor those messages? Please leave me a comment and let me know.

(Comments are not posted immediately, however, are typically visible 3-36 hours after you enter them.)

Adapted with permission from The Wisdom of Menopause (Random House, 2012).