Yesterday, Frank Lipman, M.D., was my guest on “Flourish,” my weekly show on Hay House Radio. Frank is an internist and acupuncturist who grew up in South Africa. I’ve known Frank for many years, and he and I share the same medical philosophy. Besides that, he’s also very, very funny and into World Music. (His CD mixes are among my favorites.) What I didn’t know about Frank until yesterday is that he first became interested in acupuncture when he was a resident, working in the slums in the South Bronx in drug rehab centers.

Frank said he noticed that when acupuncture needles were placed in crack addicts’ ears, they were calm and they relaxed nicely—compared to most of the emotionally out-of-control crack addicts he had seen who were going through rehab without the help of acupuncture. As a result of seeing this profound physical reaction up close and personal, he decided to study TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) and also become an acupuncturist.

Frank reminded me that one of the most neglected areas of medicine is the impact of the fascial sheath. The fascial sheath encases the body and every organ in it—like a tight sweater. Fascia is the connective tissue around all muscles. And science is now finding that one of the ways acupuncture works is by changing the signals that go through the fascia. Frank pointed out that connective tissue is loaded with receptor membranes that communicate with all other receptor membranes in the body. This is why when your feet hurt, your whole body hurts!

He also introduced me to the research of Helene Langevin, M.D., of the department of Neurology at the University of Vermont College of Medicine. Dr. Langevin has been doing some very exciting research on a group of cells known as “integrins,” which provide a physical link between the extracellular matrix components of tissue and the skeletons of the cell. Now here’s the most exciting part: Cells interact with their physical support and the stresses on them in ways that produce either health or disease.

Now let me put that into English: When you sit all day slumped over a computer, you’re putting abnormal forces on your fascia. And over time, this will lead to impairment throughout your entire body. On the other hand, when you begin to change your alignment, get regular massage, or even massage the bottoms of your feet with a tennis ball on a regular basis, you are actually creating health throughout your entire body.

Bottom line: Yoga, Pilates, stretching, massage, acupuncture, and fascial release techniques all optimize the electromagnetic forces on your cells to get and keep you healthy. And anything you can do to keep your fascia moving freely and normally will improve your health.

I knew this before. Massage and acupuncture are my regular “healthcare.” But now I have amazing science to back it up. And that is exciting!

Today Daniel Giamario, founder of the Shamanic Astrology Mystery School, was a guest on my Hay House radio show Flourish! Because the planet Mercury has just gone into retrograde, people are concerned about what to do. First a little background. Planets can and do affect human behavior. That’s the basis for the science of astrology. The moon rules the flow of fluid in our bodies and also the tides. This has been well established. It’s foolish to think that the other planets have no effect. They do. That’s the basis for astrology as a tool for self-realization. Astrology helps us work with the seasons of our lives over the years. And that’s what my show with Daniel was about.

But back to Mercury. The planet Mercury affects communication (you know Mercury—he’s the guy with the wings on his feet). Anyway, Daniel had received a letter just before our show from a guy who said, “It’s so exhausting to hear about Mercury going retrograde. What am I supposed to do?” This guy was operating under the common impression (and experience) that when mercury goes retrograde, communications are bound to be screwed up, emails won’t get there, contracts shouldn’t be signed, and travel will be a nightmare. Since mercury goes into retrograde about four times a year, it’s certainly not helpful to dread these times.

So Daniel set us all straight on what Mercury retrograde really is and how to make this time work for you. He said that when Mercury goes retrograde, communication works in the opposite way than we expect. Let me explain. In our culture, we assume that the logical, left-brained approach to things rules and is “correct.” But the truth is, we live in a quantum universe in which our own energy fields affect everything we do. And, in fact, our energy fields even affect the function of inanimate objects. (This is known as resistentialism—the tendency of inanimate objects to act in hostile ways toward humans. Believe it or not, this has been studied. It explains why falling toast lands jam side down only on really expensive carpets. But that’s another story.) Anyway, during Mercury retrograde periods, communication becomes more right brained. Flow reverses.

During our radio show, we experienced a classic mercury retrograde moment. I had connected with a caller from Washington, D.C., who wanted to know if an astrologic chart can predict the time of one’s death. And Daniel and I were about to answer her question. Suddenly, another woman entirely, whose call wasn’t even on the boards, began talking to us about an entirely different subject. How this happened was a mystery to the engineers at Hay House. But to Daniel and me, who were both born when mercury was retrograde, this wasn’t at all surprising. We laughed because we were given a very direct mercury retrograde event as part of our teaching.

Okay—so what do you do when mercury goes retrograde? You do inner work. You give up your expectations of how things will go. You prepare to be surprised. And you leave more time in your schedule for when things don’t go according to plan. And you also don’t sign any major contracts that don’t include escape clauses. This is a time to kick back, do journaling, get an astrologic update, and simply go with the flow. Difficult for left-brained types, I know. But trust me, mercury retrograde is not trying to mess with you. It’s playfully trying to get you to lighten up!

On May 4, 2010, Robert Holden, Ph.D., was the guest on my radio show Flourish!. Dr. Holden is the Founder and Director of the Happiness Project and author of many books on happiness and success, including Happiness Now!: Timeless Wisdom for Feeling Good Fast (Hay House, 2007). Though I had known about Robert’s work for a number of years, I didn’t truly appreciate his gift to the world until I heard him read a poem by Hafiz entitled, I Know the Way You Can Get on the CD that accompanies Kim Rosen’s wonderful book Saved by a Poem. I began the radio show by asking Robert to recite that poem. And it set up a wonderful vibration for the rest of our time together.

He shared his family story with me, growing up in a tiny town in England with a very loving family, which had problems like many other families. His mother was afflicted with periodic depressions that “came out of nowhere” and then disappeared. His father drank too much and eventually ended up homeless. From those early defining experiences, Robert kept asking himself over and over again “What is real?” And the answer he kept getting was “love.” And so, starting in his 20’s, Robert decided to let love and loving guide his life. This included loving all aspects of himself and others, especially the parts that he or others considered unlovable, such as the parts of our bodies that we don’t like and the emotions we consider unacceptable.

In fact, the kernel of truth that runs through all of Robert’s work is this: No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance. So true. Although it’s a bit of a paradox, when you start with the mindset of self-acceptance, your efforts to improve yourself will be far more effective. In the book Happiness Now!, there’s a wonderful poem on self-acceptance. One stanza is:

Without self acceptance, you are always hiding.

With self acceptance, your spirit is gliding.

Nice line, eh? When you catch yourself in the inevitable self-judgment and self-criticism spin that our ego so often engages in, say the following out loud to yourself:

I accept myself unconditionally right now.

 And you might also add a fun little touch to encourage self-acceptance, like:

And I am completely adorable.

There, now don’t you feel happier? Right now?

As many of you know by now, I became enthralled with Argentine tango several years ago. I started dancing Argentine tango by taking group lessons with my sister, brother-in-law, and Charlie (the husband of Diane, my CEO-in-charge-of-everything). But over time, one thing led to another, and the people in our group dropped out of the regular lessons. Two years went by, and I still wanted to learn how to dance. But like so many women, I was waiting for someone to go with me. Let me repeat that. I was waiting for someone to go with me. But that someone never materialized.

Okay—if I’m being completely honest, I have to admit that I was waiting for my guy to go with me. And though he said he was interested, and though we took some basic ballroom for a couple months, he never wanted to practice. I ended up being the nag who was continually disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm.

I decided I had two choices: continue to wait indefinitely for him or “screw my courage to the sticking post” and go on my own. I eventually went on my own, starting with a couple of private lessons, so that I wouldn’t make a complete fool of myself with the group, and eventually going to regular practice sessions. Believe me, this pushed all my buttons. I was a rank beginner and an unknown in a world in which my knowledge and skills in women’s health counted for nothing. I was back on the bunny slope of life. It took about a year, but now I have an entirely new social group with whom I dance regularly.

I am now grateful that my partner didn’t want to go. If he had, I would never have learned to be comfortable dancing with so many different people. Like so many women, I would have stayed within my comfort zone. I’m no pro at tango, believe me. But I’ve gotten to the point where I thoroughly enjoy myself. Every time I make it to a practica (a practice) or a milonga (a place where Argentine tango is danced), I walk out feeling uplifted, with a big smile on my face. I call Argentine tango “yoga for the New Millennium.” It’s a lifetime endeavor. I know that I will improve every year.

But this blog isn’t about tango. It’s about me stepping outside of my comfort zone and creating something in my life that I love, which I never would have had if I had continued to play the waiting game.

Far too many women fall into the same trap I was in. Waiting for an invitation to dance. Waiting for someone to go with. Waiting for someone to step in and ask you out. Waiting by the phone, waiting for spring, waiting for your next birthday, waiting until your kids leave home, waiting for the kids to come back home—you get the picture.

I recall a time not that long ago when I felt uneasy going to a movie or out to dinner alone. But now, all that is a thing of the past. I’m far more comfortable in my own skin. And I enjoy my own company more. This comes from being willing to make the first move, and then the next move after that. Try it! In no time, you, too, can create a whole new world for yourself.

Stop waiting and start living! If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but have been putting it off, make a plan now. And then go for it!

“Food is the most intimate thing you can buy...Unlike clothes and shoes that dress the outside, food goes into your body and builds who you become.” – Ani Phyo

I knew I had to share this quote with you. It is the essence of what I mean when I talk about eating to flourish. Think about it and let it sink in. Making decisions about your health takes on a whole new meaning when you know what you want to do with your life and who you want to be, doesn’t it?

Let’s talk about diet a little bit. I’ve studied nutrition, different diets, and medical studies for 45 years. And I’ve been asked the how-to’s of weight loss many times. Over the last 15 years or so, I’ve shared a lot of what I’ve learned with you, so you probably know that maintaining a certain Body Mass Index (BMI) is best. (A BMI of 25 or under, FYI.) You probably also know that eating low-glycemic foods keeps your blood sugar from spiking. Rapid changes in blood sugar levels stimulate cravings, which leads to weight gain, and increase the likelihood of systemic inflammation, which leads to chronic degenerative diseases. I’m sure you also know it’s almost impossible to stay trim without exercise, and that even a little exercise goes a long way.

Ultimately, reaching and maintaining healthy body composition and vibrant health through the right food choices happens in both your mind and body. Trust me—merely sticking to the latest fad diet or reaching for the perfect BMI won’t bring about the transformation. It is, indeed, personal.

What you eat—and when—affects your emotions and spirit as well. Of course you know there are often emotional reasons behind gain weight (or becoming too thin). Ignoring the emotional component of weight gain (or loss) can sabotage you when you’re in the midst of the diet wars. Some people eat because they’re bored, sad, or lonely. And you may be one of them. Women often drown their sorrows in a bowl of ice cream after a break up. We’ve all done it! It feels good for a few minutes. But it really doesn’t support the person you ultimately want to be—a happy, whole individual with a satisfying life.

I know many women who use food as a reward, too. You’ve all heard someone say: “When I finish this project, I’ll treat myself to a pizza.” (Or whatever.) Now that you’ve read Ani Phyo’s quote, is this how you want to reward yourself? And is it really a treat?

Now, I’m not saying you should never have pizza or ice cream, etc. Every once in a while, I crave garlic mashed potatoes or gooey chocolate brownies and I go for it! Without the guilt. That’s because I’m a big proponent of the 80/20 rule (or, realistically, the 90/10 rule). I also try to indulge with high quality choices. It’s OK to give into cravings sometimes. What’s important is you’re still choosing a better quality of life.

A good strategy is to find a healthier substitute. For example, I use Stevia in place of white sugar; savor a square of organic dark chocolate instead of gulping down a pile of stale, leftover Halloween candy; or eat a thin crust pizza with lots of veggies instead of a deep dish pizza with a thick crust.

More Inspiration

One of the reasons I chose to share this quote is that at this time of year you start to think about baring your body in a bathing suit. If you live in a climate with a cold winter, it’s quite common to be drawn to comfort foods during the dark, cold days only to find in April that you’ve gained 10-15 pounds. I want you to have a reason to lose weight that goes beyond the superficial drive to look good in a bathing suit.

If you’re looking for a way to put Ani Phyo’s philosophy into practice, don’t bother looking at supermodels for inspiration. Genetically, most women will never look like one—and it would be unhealthy for them to try. It’s not about having a perfect body. (Whatever that is!) It’s about having the perfect body for you, specifically what you want to do with it.

Consider the grandmother who easily gets up from the floor after playing with her grandchildren for hours. Is this who you want to be? Perhaps it’s a senior executive who has stamina to travel, work long hours, and truly thrive in a career she loves? Or maybe it’s a young, full-time mom who wants to have lots of energy? Or a college student who doesn’t want to put on that “freshmen 15” because it will mean a slip in her self-confidence?

One of the reasons that I stay healthy and fit is my passion for Argentine Tango. I plan to dance well into my 90’s.

Once you find your inspiration, then check out my chapters on diet and nutrition in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and the Wisdom of Menopause for more how-to’s. Chapter 17 “Eat to Flourish” in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom should be particularly helpful to you. There are also many articles on this Web site that give specific instructions for conquering weight gain, especially at midlife.

In honor of Mother’s Day, a day when we celebrate women everywhere, I encourage you to eat in a way that supports the happy, dynamic, sensual, intelligent, fun, playful, spiritual, successful, studious, serious, organized, and/or joyous woman inside you!

I have been inspired by the words of Catherine Ponder for years, in part because she connects the Law of Attraction with spirituality. In her books, Ponder, a Unitarian Minister, teaches how to use that connection to create health, happiness, satisfying work, meaningful relationships, financial prosperity, and so forth. This has been my life’s work as well!

This summer, I decided to reread one of my favorite books written by Catherine Ponder called The Dynamic Laws of Healing. I’m glad I did—her work is both simple and profound. Ponder reminded me that there is an infinite amount of healing energy available to us at all times through the Creator. Although I know this at the core of my being, it reassures me to read these words and be reminded of this truth.

The Creator goes by many names: Jesus, Allah, Adonai, the Great Goddess, Source Energy—it really doesn’t matter which name you use. The point is that, regardless of your religion or spiritual practices, you can tap into this healing source at any time. Although some religious practices disagree, I believe you can connect directly to the creator without an intermediary. And I suggest you experiment with this.

Knowing there is a Higher Power, one that is greater than I am, calms my spirit when I’m troubled. Because Ponder is a Christian minister, she believes that Jesus will share or even “lift your burdens” entirely. While it isn’t necessary for you to agree with this precept (since it is a Christian ideology), I can assure you there is something wonderful about knowing when to “surrender” to a situation. You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase, “Let Go and Let God.”

Believing that the universe will rise up to support you when you can’t figure out the answer is incredibly reassuring—plus it works!

Welcoming the Divine

People have called on the name of the Creator for thousands and thousands of years to bring the Divine into their presence. This is one of the reasons we pray, and also why prayer is so powerful. The sound of prayer, either spoken or sung, as it resonates in our bodies is also healing. According to the Kabbalah, an ancient Jewish text, the Hebrew letters have specific healing properties when spoken aloud. At a minimum, speaking words or prayers out loud can change the vibrational patterns around you, which just might help you manifest your dream or desire with the help of the Law of Attraction.

Catherine Ponder’s books are filled with beautiful affirmations, much like Louise Hay’s inspiring affirmations. However, Ponder’s are more like a prayer that invokes God’s presence. She believes that merely repeating God’s name (in her case, Jesus) is all that’s needed to connect with this healing energy. Talk about simple.

The ancients believed that the phrase “I AM” was a synonym for “the God within you.” Catherine Ponder says to meditate regularly on the phrase “I am the light of the world” can flood your whole being with light and drive out darkness.

Think about how many times you say “I am” in a day. Are you affirming what you want to bring into your life? Is it possible that your words are unknowingly cutting off your connection to healing energy?

Here are some I AM affirmations to experiment with:

I AM health, strength, and prosperity.

I AM calm in times of stress. I AM inspired to find solutions to my problems.

I AM flourishing in my body, spirit, and mind. I AM a shining example of health and happiness for my friends, coworkers, and family.

Healing With Divine Love

My friend Robert G. Fritchie of the World Service Institute teaches the practice of healing with Divine Love. “Divine Love” is Fritchie’s term for the healing energy from the Creator, which is available to us 24/7. When you work with Fritchie, you can feel yourself connecting to this Infinite Source. It’s really quite remarkable.

Fritchie holds weekly teleconferences to help individuals connect with Divine Love. He also conducts teleconferences to help heal the earth and address other environmental disasters. For example he organized a group of people from all over the world to send Divine Love to the people living in Japan (and to the precarious nuclear reactors) after the Tsunami in 2010.

For more information, read Fritchie’s guest author article “Healing With Divine Love: An overview and tips for successful self-healing” or his book Surviving Chaos: Healing with Divine Love. You can sign up to participate in a Divine Love Healing Group at www.worldserviceinstitute.org.

Restoring Equilibrium

No matter who you are, there are times when you will feel stress, ill health, or low energy. All of us argue with our boss or partner every now and then. Imbalance of any kind, Ponder teaches, often arises when you lose your connection to the Divine—when you cut off the circulation of healing energy. What’s important is you can regain your health, prosperity, and equilibrium by connecting to the Creator.

I encourage you to practice connecting to this infinite source of healing, either by reading Catherine Ponder’s books, by working with Bob Fritchie, or through personal prayer and affirmations. Although any time is a good time to start, if you have some leisure time before the summer ends and the fall rush begins, experiment a little. Having this foundation in place when imbalances do occur will literally be a Godsend!

As we transition from summer to fall, many women feel overwhelmed by fall’s demands. Typically, there is a new schedule to adopt, perhaps because school has started or because traffic patterns have changed. Often, you notice an increased demand at work, as people return from vacation focused on completing projects before yearend. There will always be change and disorder. So it’s important is know how to restore equilibrium. That’s part of life and part of becoming better with age.

To help you rise above the chaos, let’s start with the most important tip: Give up trying to be Superwoman. Yes, you heard it here—it’s time to retire your cape!

Many women think they are supposed do it all on their own and perfectly, especially when their children are little. I know. I had a huge breast abscess and, ultimately, needed surgery, because I was trying to nurse my daughter exclusively while also working as hard—and as many nights—as the male doctors in my practice.

Trust me—you can’t give from an empty cup.

You also can’t function effectively without some structure, stress relief, or support! So I put together these helpful resources and tips:

• Are you experiencing “CHAOS: Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome?” Then check out the FlyLady’s suggestions for getting your home in order. The FlyLady has completely changed my life for the better since I adopted her shiny sink technique. (Click here to see a video.)  
  The FlyLady also recommends a 15-minute decluttering, and so do I! I learned long ago from my friend and Feng Shui expert Terah Kathryn Collins that moving (or tossing) 27 things can change your life. Set a timer and see how much you can accomplish. Donate to others what you don’t need.
• “What’s for dinner?” Those three words can cause angst in even the most composed woman. So check out Cooking for the Rushed, a Web site developed by Sandi Richard, a mother of seven. She developed “Eating Forward,” a system to drastically reduce the stress around feeding your family.
• Use the Cozi app for family organizing, including to-do and grocery lists, resources and phone numbers, a calendar with reminders, and a photo management tool. It’s free and brilliant!
• Take dance breaks. Put on your favorite tunes or radio station and dance for at least one song. It’s an instant mood enhancer and spiritual tune up.
• Emote. Set your timer for five minutes and weep, complain, vent, and throw things! Let it out! You have to feel it to heal it. And you can’t make yourself feel better if you are sitting on load of unexpressed anger or frustration or grief. Once you let it out, you’ll be amazed at how clear you’ll feel. And solutions to your problem will arise spontaneously!
• Ask for help! We really can’t get out of our own way when we’re faced with difficulty, because it’s impossible to see ourselves objectively. So have a group of close friends that you can call to talk things out. I call it a “placenta of power.”
  Beware of “frenemies”—those people who claim to be your friend but are really more of an enemy. Often these are close family members (sad, but often true!), and it’s OK to guard yourself against their negative influence.
• Despite any enhanced pace, remember that within you is a deep wellspring of calm and peace. You can access this by taking a slow, deep breath through your nose. And then another. You can also close your eyes and focus on your heart.
• If a few of these tips sound familiar, it’s because I’ve shared some of them (in more depth) on my weekly radio show Flourish! on Hay House Radio. Here’s a link to the Flourish! archives. Tune in weekly for more ideas and support.

I encourage you to try some or all of these ideas and to leave me a comment to let me know what’s working and what else you would suggest. Like all new habits, the more you practice them, the easier they become. You’ll restore your inner peace and be thriving in no time.